In one of GM's lectures he relates the story of a disciple who is bemoaning the fact that he is not getting any taste in his chanting or study. GM says that that is his problem, that is trying to get. I heard this lecture first about 2 1/2 years ago, and I didn't understand what GM was saying at all. I must have listened to the lecture 4 or 5 times and still, at that point, I would get sort of confused. Aren't we trying to get advancement? Aren't we trying to develop our love for Krishna? It didn't affect me so much overall, but within a few months I myself was getting frustrated - I'm not getting anything out of this! I swung back to my Christian faith, and heard a sermon that said the congregants were supposed to come to church to please God, not for their own growth. I wrote to GM and bemoaned the fact that I was not getting anything and was getting frustrated. He wisely knew that I needed to come to the next level on my own, that outside direction wasn't going to help, so he remained silent (well, actually, I'm not sure if he got the snail mail, but I'm going to attribute it to his wisdom and not the post office's failing!). I kept wondering why I didn't hear from him. Then Nanda-tanuja asked me if there was trouble with my working on the description seva. I can't remember what triggered my realization, but gradually I came to understand that the whole point of Gaudiya Vaisnavism is about giving without regard to getting. It doesn't matter if you have taste or not, it doesn't matter if you care or not, it doesn't matter if He handles you roughly by His embrace, the whole point is turning yourself and your life into a sacrifice. So here I was whining about not getting anything and I wasn't even performing the small and easy service that GM had set up for those that couldn't be at Audarya. I thought, geez, if I want to make any advancement at all, I had better start doing some kind of service. It was truly one of those Homer Simpson moments where you whack yourself on the head and can't believe how stupid you've been for the past 20 years. Now that lecture, and all the lectures and things I've read since then make a lot more sense to me. So thank you GM and Nanda-tanuja for helping to set me straight.
:Big Grin: Thank you very much for the seva you are doing!
Thank you for your contribution, you have touched very important points to keep in mind.