I wrote up the few times I was in the company of Shrila Prabhupada. I wasn't sure if I should post it here, as I am not trying to put myself forward. However, I do think there are some interesting stories I lived through, so I thought I would take a chance among my friends here. It is a bit long---about 6 typed pages, though you might find it enlivening. One thing it shows is that one doesn't make advancement just by putting in time going through the motions of KC, but by the quality of ones' practice. I spent many years just going through the motions, and my current level of advancement demonstrates this. You might also share any thoughts that came up, or if there is anything I said that you think is strange or positive for you. Another thing is that from my perspective Prabhupada brought Swami in my life to improve my spiritual understanding, and now my life has been greatly blessed. So in that spirit I share some of my devotional life.
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Although this article describes my limited personal association with my spiritual master Shrila Prabhupada, this represents a very small amount of time during the 7 years of my beginning spiritual life that he was physically available (before he left the world). From my first encounter with devotees on the street, to years of Temple service, my connection with Prabhupada was through his books and disciples. To me they were what the Krishna consciousness movement was.
Part of the reason when Prabhupada was leaving the planet in 1977 I didn't shed a tear is that I had the understanding that for me, nothing would change (the other reason is I was stone hearted). I would still be with my Godbrothers and Sisters sharing and teaching others the nectar of the holy name of Krishna, and the inspiring lila of Lord Chaitanya, and Radha Krishna. (Of course a lot changed during the zonal acharya days, but that is another story) That has turned out to be a deep realization, and today my significant shiksa gurus are all from my Godbrothers and Sisters.
Of course, the times I spent with Prabhupada are special and meaningful to me, yet those years were not the “good old days”. To be honest I wasn’t mature enough spiritually to fully appreciate his association or to fully take advantage of it by asking relevant questions. Though those were the foundational years of my spiritual life, it has only been recently that they are beginning to bear fruit. I have been a “late bloomer” my whole life!
The first time I personally saw Shrila Prabhupada was at an airport reception in San Francisco, right before the June 1970 Rathayatra festival. I had been a devotee about 4 months. At that time our lives were centered around reading Prabhupada’s books, repeating what he said (sometimes with an Indian accent!), and going out on street Sankirtana by chanting all day long on the streets, distributing BTGs, and inviting people to the Sunday Feast.
The Sunday “Love Feast” as it was called (to connect to the hippies, and ourselves as we were all mostly from that group) was a huge part of our outreach. We relished the special prasadum (eating super human portions), the ecstatic chanting, and preaching opportunities with many receptive young people. So receptive in fact, and new devotees were joining weekly or monthly.
With all the talk of Prabhupada going on, I’m sure I looked forward to seeing him (this was almost 40 years ago, and I was still rather spaced out from all my drug experiences), yet it was still very abstract to me. Thus, I am surmising that I was caught up in what must have been a contagious excited atmosphere. Due to my conditioning, I’ve never been a person to be very excited about some future event, yet I am sure even I was excited by the anticipation of others.
At the airport reception, a huge kirtana was going on with devotees from Berkeley, San Francisco and L.A. We were oblivious to our surroundings and took over the waiting lounge. Perhaps there were over 100 devotees. As we waiting the kirtana got more and more wild and ecstatic, which was not what the other arriving passengers were expecting as they filed out of the plane. We were at the top of a ramp as with devotees on either side of the pathway. After what seemed a very long time Prabhupada appeared at the bottom of the walkway. Then the kirtana went into warp speed and intensity difficult to describe.
As I saw him walk slowly up the ramp, I was amazed at his humility. I had never encountered such an attitude in the midst of an admiring group. Usually when a person is the recipient of great adulation from adoring fans or followers, they drink up the praise and display egotistical gestures. Prabhupada on the other hand seemed incredulous at this display of praise. I expected by his expression, to see him turn around to see who the person was the devotees had come to greet.
As Prabhupada came into our midst, I began crying uncontrollably as did many others. Jumping up and down in kirtana streams of tears seemed to flow in all directions. The kirtana followed Prabhupada, while some devotees went before him throwing flowers and fresh grass clippings. It seemed that the whole airport stopped in its tracks to watch Prabhupada and the kirtana.
This was such a moving and emotional experience, totally unexpected for me. I was a very unemotional stoic person, who never even joked (my how things have changed!) so this whole event was very unusual for me. The only times I ever cried was as a young child I received a whipping by my father. I definitely had no frame of reference for tears of joy and ecstasy!
The night before the festival, a number of devotees including me were dispatched to the festival site, where lecture was to be helped, and feast served. We were supposed to “guard” the site and the few feast preps that were already prepared and stored there. Just before the Rathayatra parade, we were supposed to be picked up. That never happened and we missed the whole kirtana and parade. That was a long wait. Eventually the rest of the Prasad arrived and I helped set up the serving arrangements and served out the blessed food! One prep had to be thrown out as it had fermented---and I had helped pick all the fruit.
We were serving out on the barrier walls overlooking the beach, and it was a cold, windy, foggy, typical San Francisco summer day. I had on street clothes and by the time I was finished serving I was covered with many varieties of Prasadum. I also hadn’t showered so I felt rather dirty and not very comfortable. Still I wanted to at least here Prabhupada’s lecture so I shuffled into the Family Dog where the talk and kirtana was being held.
I felt embarrassed at my soiled clothes, but what could I do? I remember some people mocking Prabhupada’s Indian accent and that made me sad. A few others things I remember from the lecture was that Prabhupada said that the Krishna consciousness movement has 2 festivals like this one every month---24 a year. He seemed he want to see such huge events going on regularly. He also showed the audience the first Krishna books which he personally sold to eager participants!
In 1971 Shrila Prabhupada again came to the San Francisco Rathayatra. This year he also visited the Berkeley Temple where I was living. Someone has decided to send all the women there (I guess now) to make it easier for the men at the San Francisco Temple. I remember cleaning the inside of the Temple and the outside grounds where we often had prasadum during the Sunday feast. We made a huge pile of refuge and garbage just outside the Temple room. Our next service was to clean it up, but just then Prabhupada arrived. Fortunately, he never went outside to see it!
We had small Jagannath Deities (which are still at the Berkeley Temple today) above a picture of the Panca-tattva. He walked into the Temple, offered his obeisances and walked the short distance to the Vyasasan (the Temple room was rectangular with the shorter distance between the alter and Vyasasan). He immediately began singing the Samsara prayers. When he sang the 3rd stanza about how the spiritual master engages his disciples in the worship of Radha and Krishna tears began to roll down his checks as he looked lovingly around the room full of devotees. It was for me, a wondrous, incredible moment that I felt deeply. I was stunned and didn’t know what to think.
What came to me later was that Prabhupada loved his devotees. Being a confidential servant of the Lord with the mission to reclaim the fallen souls he was seeing its fulfillment. Perhaps he was remembering how his own guru has saved him and had sent so many sincere souls to assist him. Everything Prabhupada did or said was full of deep meaning on many different levels. It was special mercy for me, a rare moment when I actually noticed the spiritual dimension, since at that time I was rather dull and covered!
In 1973 I was in Hawaii. At that time Prabhupada asked every Temple to send devotees to India, and since I was doing some significant service at the time I was asked to go (or maybe they wanted to get rid of me ). I took this as an opportunity to write Prabhupada (as we were generally discouraged from “bothering” him through letters) to ask permission to go to India and to visit him in L.A. as I raised funds for my ticket. As I was about to write my first and only letter to him, a friend advised me to begin with glorification of pure devotees, which I did. I can’t remember if the first song book was out, but I found a prayer, Ohe! Vaishnava Thakur, and printed it out before beginning my letter.
After informing him of my intentions, I mentioned that he was given a specific mission by his guru which, in endeavoring to fulfill had brought him so many blessings. Thus I thought it wise to also ask for a specific instruction, in which carrying out, I could also obtain perfection in my life. I imagined receiving some unique and exotic mission, like to go to some far away foreign land for preaching.
When I received his reply I have to admit I was disappointed in reading what seemed the same general instructions that anyone could read in his books. A bit of false ego no doubt. At present though, I know this instruction is perfect for me, and that to be able to fulfill it is no easy task. Some other “mission” may have been way beyond my capacity considering how my life has unfolded.
His instruction to me was: “ALWAYS chant Hare Krishna, and as far as possible help me by preaching the philosophy and distributing my books.” This instruction is the essence of KC and to accomplish it would be perfection. I feel I am slowly moving in that direction, though these days my “preaching” is through writing, and my books distribution may be to distribute Swami's books or those I am write (which I think would be a dynamic understanding of what Prabhupada's books are, or as it is said in NOD, literatures in pursuance of the Vedic version). We will see how far I get in this last stage of my life.
As I flew to L.A. from Hawaii, I brought a very fragrant flower garland. When I arrived at the Temple, I wanted to personally garland him, but a guard downstairs from his room stopped me. I thought about going into his room anyway, though I was too hesitant and fearful. Eventually Prabhupada came down to give his lecture---it was the disappearance day of his guru, Shrila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur. I was introduced by the local GBC and gave him the garland. He didn’t seem to really notice me, which upset me a bit. I considered that perhaps he was absorbed in other thoughts. This was the year he gave a famous talk about his guru where he became choked up with tears saying how we were all helping him serve Shrila Bhaktisiddhanta.
Actually this is the second time I gave him a garland. The previous year in 1972 after the Rathayatra festival we were waiting at the airport lounge for Prabhupada’s flight to depart. The devotees sat on the floor with a big sign with Prabhupada’s name in the back, while Prabhupada sat on a chair chanting japa. Someone gave me a garland to give him. I stood to present it to him and I froze, not really knowing what to do. I had so much awe and fear about him, and unfortunately this prevented any intimate dealings. Finally, without saying anything, I put the garland around his neck and bowed down. Not a very personal exchange, though I hope he accepted it. I was so unassertive and dull!
Other then our letter exchange I only had a few words with him at various times. I wish I had used a few when I gave him the garland, and perhaps we would have exchanged glances. I did sit in a few of his lectures, and touched his feet once at the Portland Temple, but I wasn’t able to really take advantage of his association. Perhaps that is true with many of his disciples. I appreciate him much more now than I did at that time. Imagine the questions we would ask him now!
There is an interesting experience I had when traveling to L.A from our temple in San Jose to receive 1st initiation. A few devotees and I were getting a ride from Chitshukananda Prabhu. His car was an old brightly colored station wagon Prabhupada had called a “hippie car”. About half way there the car broke down and we had to find a bus. As we were walking to the bus station in this dusty country town, an old man excitedly approached us, asking if we were going to get initiated. We were all amazed. How did he even know about such things here in the California Valley? Did everyone know I wondered? Actually he had never seen shaven headed devotees in saffron dhotis and kurtas, and thought the only explanation for our strange appearance is that we must be doing some bizarre initiation into a college fraternity. Even realizing the actual fact, I felt this was a special arrangement of Krishna to encourage us. That night I had a clear dream about Prabhupada, of which I unfortunately forgot the details.
The following day (August 1970) was our initiation ceremony in New Dvarka as Prabhupada named the L.A. Temple. Brahmananda (Swami at the time) did the fire ceremony, while Prabhupada sat on the Vyasana and chanted on our beads. When my turn came, I paid obeisances, and he asked me as he did everyone, what the four rules were and I informed him. Then he did something unusual. He broadly smiled and will looking around the room first and then at me, asked: “Is that alright?” I didn’t know what to say. Perhaps I had stayed the 4 rules in a way that indicated I really didn’t want to follow them---or he knew it would not be easy for me. Everyone laughed along with Prabhupada, except me. I guess it is good he got a laugh from me, but frankly, I didn’t appreciate it much. Though his smile was charming, it was different to be the object of his humor. I was very shy to begin with and now in front of so many devotees I felt put on the spot. I guess I said following the rules was ok, since he gave me my name and new tulasi beads. Of course later I laughed about it, but I wasn’t able to at the time.
While I was in Hawaii, Shrila Prabhupada visited twice. During his first visit he gave some Gita classes. At the beginning of one class he asked for a Gita, since he didn’t have one. Someone handed him one from the Temple bookshelf which happened to be mine. The verse he chose was from the 3rd chapter. He began, and while reading the purport came to a part about the importance of controlling the senses, upon which he looked up and said something like, “O, he doesn’t want to follow the rules and regulations?”
I had underlined that part of the purport and he thought I was crossing it out! He asked the Temple president whose book this was. The T.P. Tarun Kanti Prabhu looked at the closed book a saw my name in large letters on the binding. He told Prabhupada the book belonged to Karnamrita, and Prabhupada said, “Where is he?” I had just come down from the kitchen and was leaning on a wall to the right of Prabhupada in the back of the room. There weren’t a lot of devotees present, and the room was a little dark, so even though a few turned around no one noticed me. When Prabhupada said, “Where is he?” I froze. It seemed like I was in trouble, and I wasn’t about to stand and say “Here I am, the one that doesn’t want to follow the rules.” When I was growing up, doing something even a little bit displeasing to my father usually meant some type of physical pain. Thus, my gut reaction was to hide. Of course now I wish I had spoken up and had some exchange with Prabhupada. Another missed opportunity!
The next year (1975) Prabhupada returned to Hawaii. By this time the temple had moved to a large mansion donated by Ambarish Prabhu. I believe it was during guru puja during the kirtana that someone garlanded Prabhupada with with a huge set of Tulasi beads. Many of the tulasi beads were 1 ½ to 2 inches wide. It was astonishing to see them and Prabhupada’s face showed his amazement. He was holding the beads and looking at them like an innocent child. He seemed totally absorbed in the moment. I imagined later that I was looking at Prabhupada with a sentimental expression on my face, unbecoming of a disciple towards his guru, because as I was gawking at him, he suddenly became very grave and looked at me with one of his piecing glances that seemed to go straight to the heart. It was all an amazing experience, yet with his glance I paid my obeisances and left the Temple room.
During a noon arotik Prabhupada was present to witness and ecstatic enthusiastic kirtana. Devotees were dancing with abandon with the encouragement of Gurukripa Swami, so much so that the floor was became wet with perspiration. Prabhupada seemed to really the enthusiasm of the devotees. In fact, during the Premadhavni prayers at the end of the kirtana, Prabhupada said, “All glories to the assembled dancers.” As Prabhupada was leaving the Temple he went to the altar (now closed) to pay his obeisances. He hesitated due to the wet floor and Guru Kripa and some other devotees dried the floor with their dhotis. Then Prabhupada left the Temple. Later on we took turns “guarding” Prabhupada’s room at the top of a beautiful flight of stairs---from whom I don’t know. I did get to take a few shifts, though I never had to stop anyone, and I can’t remember what instructions I was given.
After I spent a year in Japan I was given permission to go to India. I stayed in Mayapur for 3 months and then when to South India to travel with Acyutananda and Yasomatinanda Swamis. At some point we caught up with Prabhupada who was preaching in Madras. He was staying in a large family home with four generations living together. It was like a small village under one roof. I wasn’t very observant though there were all ages of people---grand and perhaps great grandparents, uncles and aunts and their nieces and nephews with their small children. I could really figure it all out, growing up as an only child and never having witnessed so many generations all living together. I am sure this must be a much easier way to raise children than in the West. Here was an ancient system that ensured there would be so many to help bring up and care for the kids.
Prabhupada stayed in a room with his customary white sheets covering the floor. Once when Prabhupada went for his morning walk I was one of the few who had the opportunity to clean his room. We changed his sheets and washed them along with his previous days clothes he also slept in, and we also swept and dusted the room. We hung everything on a line to dry. It was a very intimate service that I really relished.
Prabhupada was much more accessible in India. In spite of this I never got over my awe and reverence for him---to my detriment. I did get to tell him once that his prasadam wasn’t ready yet. Another time I and another devotee were posted outside his door---or we were just waiting not being invited in for a darshan with him. Finally my friend Nrisimha Prabhu went in, but I was too scared. He later said he was glad he did, and I lamented that my conditioning worked against me. That is the story of much of my devotional life, though I have gradually changed for the better.
Another service I did in India was to publish a monthly newspaper called, “The Hare Krishna Explosion” from Hyderabad, India. That was my first entry into the world of writing and I was totally at home in that arena. I worked on it for 3 months and felt completely absorbed in Krishna consciousness. It has taken me a long time to again take up writing but I feel it is one my elements of service.
I will finish by sharing my experience of how Prabhupada lives in his murti or Deity (consecrated statue or form). I had been bathing and dressing the Prabhupada murti in Potomac, MD for some months every day. Eventually I moved out of the Temple to find work and because I needed more independence. Soon after moving I had a very vivid dream, where I was seeing the Deity of Prabhupada (a marble Deity playing hand cymbals or cartals). Then he transformed into the living breathing person who lived with us actively singing and playing cartals, then switching back to the apparently stationary Deity, and back and forth it went for a while. I woke up with the understanding that serving the Deity of Prabhupada was identical to serving him personally, though to really understand this requires realization.
Thank you so much Karnamrta Prabhu. It was so genuine and sincere, it's made me inspired to think and read about Srila Prabhupada. I've got big collection of books with memories about him. You never get tired of it.
Do you want these stories to stay on tattva-viveka or I could distribute it around?
Thank you so much Karnamrta Prabhu. It was so genuine and sincere, it's made me inspired to think and read about Srila Prabhupada. I've got big collection of books with memories about him. You never get tired of it.Do you want these stories to stay on tattva-viveka or I could distribute it around?
Of course you can send them to whoever. If it gives the devotees pleasure and inspiration, that is my success. I appreciate your taking the time to write. It is important for me to connect with Swami's disciples. Even though I am truly not much of a devotee, I was there in Prabhupadas history, very much in the background. I hope your words about me prove to be true. I haven't read about some of these small incidents in the bigger events elsewhere. I am posting it on Krishna.com thought that is to a specialized audience of mainly new people. I also have the Memories CD's and it is great to see GM on them as well as others.
Thank you for posting this, Karnam! As Madhavendra Puri said, very genuine. karnamrita sanga mage bhrigupada dasa!
Thank you karnam
Last night, during the observance of Prabhupada's disappearance day, I thought of another pastime I witnessed with Shrila Prabhupada. On a side not, these festivals here in PV are a real mixed bag for me. While there are some devotees I really love and appreciated there is a whole band of those with a very narrow view of Prabhupada of the Ritvik persuation---and it doesn't help that they don't like Swami or my involvement with him. As GM says you can appreciate anyone with enough distance, though at times like this, it is way too close, but I have to deal with it. Hearing someone speak as fact how Prabhupada is, or what all devotees feel for Prabhupada, put me in a bad mood, as I didn't share their sentiments. Interestingly, Archana told me that when I made my offering to Prabhupada at his Vyasa puja, some devotees felt put off by presentation for the same reason. It seems that in a mixed group of devotees we have to be very careful to frame our words in terms of our own personal experience, and not in universal terms. Another thing this means is that ideally we want to be people of our understanding to be able to share our hearts, or be able to appreciate theirs. Though it is not always possible, it is desirable. I was pretty down for awhile there but I got over it. I wanted to share that with you as it is in the realm of philosophy and my personal experience of the importance of being with like minded devotees. I could only share this with Archana and our small group of Swami appreciators. Anyway here is my last little pastime with Prabhupada:
I saw Prabhupada a few other times like in India at the Gaura Purnima Festival though I didn’t have experiences I can write about---not a personal exchange I can share, though to be in his association and with those that loved him was always uplifting. (Of course being in GM’s presence is like that, as we feel the spiritual current, and his love for Prabhupada, Shridhar M., Shri Chaitanya and Radha-Krishna are evident by how he speaks about them.) In his CD lectures and talks, which are my principle method of association, he shares his obvious taste for the subject matter.) I attended his lectures in various places like L.A, Portland OR, and N.Y City when I was on a traveling preaching program of book distribution.
There is one other short experience I observed in the San Francisco Temple, on Valencia St. I don’t know why but at this time when Prabhupada came to the Temple there were only a few devotees there. Perhaps it was after the Rathayatra or something like that in 1972. Anyway someone let in Prabhupada and Jayananda was there throwing rose petals at his feet. When Prabhupada saw him, he lovingly called out “Jayananda”, and looked at him in the most loving way. Seeing Prabhupada’s loving expression was so charming and endearing. It is impossible to describe, and it sounds “New Age”, but it was like I could feel the loving exchange, and in some way I was also touched. Prabhupada’s eyes were very powerful, whether showing love or anger, as has been described by many of his disciples including GM. To be the recipient of his love or chastisement was an experience that can't be forgotten.
Thank you for posting this Karnamrita!
I actually felt that I could see myself in the way you described yourself --and your post made me think how lucky I have been (having had relatively much association with my Guru) and also, at the same time, how poorly I have mostly "taken advantage" of that association. Thanks for the reminder!