Tattva-viveka
Anarthas
Gopakumara Das - July 13, 2010 6:20 pm
I know that this is so common sensical and that we have been taught this over and over again... however, I have always been somewhat resistant to the idea. I guess for some of us (me) it is so hard to take in even the smallest points.. but oh well.
I realized today after all these years that the things we are attached to and the habits that we have are such a distraction to our practice. I was trying to meditate on my mantras today and on harinama and I realized that I just couldn't because of preoccupations with relationships, bad habits, sexual thoughts, work engagements and worries. There was no 'dipping in' or absorption to my practice and the possibility of having nama work on my heart was nearly impossible. Now I understand why giving up unfavorable circumstances and behaviors is so important. Now I can feel and know why monastics hold a particular position...they are immersed in favorable circumstances with support from the sadhu. I could have gone on all day chanting in this way and nothing would have happened. Again, such a simple realization....and yet such a difficult one to overcome.
Have other people struggled with this concept? Has anyone else realized this reality and if so, how did it change you or your practice?
Guru-nistha Das - July 14, 2010 9:01 pm
Nice post, and a very familiar feeling for me as well.
I feel like basically the beginnings of our sadhaka lives are all about this realization (anartha-nivritti, I suppose).
What I have noticed is that the more I serve and practice, the more acute and piercing the same feeling becomes. It makes total sense to me that Mahaprabhu prayed "Nama Nama akari bahudha..." after understanding the height of harinama because the more I realize how distracted I am, the more hopeless I feel. And that serves as a great grounds for pushing up and becoming more conscious about trying to uproot those anarthas that take up the room in out hearts.
The way it has changed me and my practice is that I have kind of come back down to earth in the sense that I've realized that the problems lie much closer than we think. It's easy to think at first that just acquiring theoretical knowledge or simply being involved in the mission physically will suffice, but after a while it becomes obvious that one has to change the whole foundation of one's identity. It's pretty heavy. Another change is that I've become much more conscious of my anarthas and try to consciously analyze and curb them whenever they show up (=several times a day).
As a side note, I often stop on my tracks when I realize what incredibly conducive places Guru Maharaj has given us in the form of Audarya and Madhuvana. Every time I go out to run errands etc. it feels like coming to a long lost oasis when I drive up Panaroma and see Dharmji and Nandu. Thank God for sadhus, that's all I can say.
Tadiya Dasi - July 15, 2010 5:57 pm
Nice post, Gopa-kumar! Thanks for giving us all food for thought.
I assume your realization was also inspired by the whole varnashrama discussion at the Harmonist website. I've been following that discussion and it has made me think of selfish desires and how the different ashramas facilitate the spectrum of different stages of surrender on a path of a sadhaka etc. And how renouncing selfish desires makes more room for spiritual life and thus broadens the horizon of our spiritual attainment and growth. In some ways, yes, it seems that the monastics have things covered and that it must be that much easier to chant in Audarya or in Madhuvan, than in my own living room...
Nonetheless, in my experience this line of thinking is not that conducive for spiritual practice. It quickly becomes just another excuse for not practicing full surrender, saranagati, as it applies to our current situation. Saranagati is all about taking the plunge and diving deep into the ocean of Harinama step by step in our lives as they are right now. The same ocean is there for us all whether we are experienced divers whose lives have "become like water" in Guru Maharaja's language or if we are still cautiously dipping our toes in the water and slowly thawing our icy hearts. There's no lack of mercy from that side, there's nobody holding us back except, of course, we ourselves. 
Living in an ashram as a brahmacari and especially under the guidance of a sat-guru is indeed an ideal circumstance for spiritual practice. However, coming from someone who has tried living in an ashram and failed, it's not that simple there either. In an ashram, you just have less excuses to justify your anarthas, that's all. That's the one big realization I had from brahmacarini life: the problem is not your surroundings, your circumstances, not even your mind per se, it's your unwillingness/conditioning/selfishness (stemming from anarthas and samskaras since forever, anadi karma). We've been going the other direction for so long - mistakenly putting ourselves at the center of our lives instead of giving that center stage to Krishna - that it's hard to go steadily in the direction of Harinama.
So what to do? Guru Maharaja has often cited Thakur Bhaktivinoda in his lectures, saying that we should - if necessary - lock ourselves into a room, blindfold our eyes and basically do whatever it takes to just chant Harinama. In the language of Guru Maharaja's Siksastakam and in the mood of Mahaprabhu: the environment is always and already friendly, we just need to drop the envy in our hearts to be able to see it in such a way. Trnad api sunicena, taror api sahisnuna amanina manadena kirtaniyah sada harih.
What I mean to say is... situations and circumstances come and go and all we can do is to do our best to create ideal situations and surroundings to our chanting but when that fails, and we find ourselves in less than ideal situations, I think the only remedy is just to keep chanting. Little discipline goes a long way in this regard. During Harinama initiations it's a custom to make a sankalpa, a firm decision or a promise, to chant some number of rounds per day. Keeping this up, despite the mind giving us hell, is the task at hand for all aspiring sadhakas.
A helpful meditation might be to ask yourself throughout the day - is this (habit/decision/action etc.) going to help my chanting or make it harder? And make adjustments in your circumstances and surroundings accordingly.
What I know helps me is: waking up early and chanting first thing in the morning, making a firm decision to sit down and chant and not move until I've done my practice (my take on Bhaktivinoda's advice, I bind myself with the ropes of pure stubbornness and turn a blind eye to the soft, warm bed 
). It's been helpful for me to remember and remind myself often about the merciful nature of Harinama-Prabhu and Sri Guru. The truth is: Krishna wants you to get closer to him, Krishna wants you to succeed in your sadhana. The very fact that you have had both Harinama and Sri Guru appear in your life is a testimony to that fact! How can you fail when you have God at your side?
Madan Gopal Das - July 15, 2010 6:58 pm
Damn! Well I'm all inspired now Tadiya! Thanks!
Shyamananda Das - July 16, 2010 4:44 pm
Yes, thank you very much Tadiya! And the others also..
Gopakumara Das - July 16, 2010 4:48 pm
Tadiya Dasi & Guru Nishta...
I am so grateful for the time you took to write these lovely, inspiring posts. Yes, I think I have been influenced by the discussion on the Harmonist. There is a time to put down the envy against those who have proven dedicated and consistent, recognize my limitations, and proceed with the task at hand... Plus, despite my limitations...gurumaharaja has been very generous with me in external and internal life...
Thanks...
Guru-nistha Das - July 17, 2010 4:10 pm
Really nice, Tadiya! Well said.
One thought that came to me though is that even to just sit and chant and be resolute about it requires a certain level of adhikara, so in that sense to try to make that as a universal platform for all devotees is a shade of the same thinking as saying that everybody should be a brahmacari (albeit a much more gentle version). In my mind the only all-encompassing directive for all who are interested in bhakti is to have any kind of connection with a real sadhu. That in my opinion is the universal bottomline.
Citta Hari Dasa - July 17, 2010 6:17 pm
Nice insights, Tadiya! Your efforts to chant and the realizations that come from that are apparent. I especially liked this:
A helpful meditation might be to ask yourself throughout the day - is this (habit/decision/action etc.) going to help my chanting or make it harder? And make adjustments in your circumstances and surroundings accordingly.
For the sadhaka this is the focus: anukula/pratikula. It's quite simple to categorize anything we do or desire to do into these two. Of course the application is a bit more tricky, which is of course why above all else the emphasis is on keeping the company of serious sadhakas.
Babhru Das - July 17, 2010 7:19 pm
[quote name='Tadiya dasi' date='Jul 15 2010, 05:57 PM')A helpful meditation might be to ask yourself throughout the day - is this (habit/decision/action etc.) going to help my chanting or make it harder? And make adjustments in your circumstances and surroundings accordingly.
Nice insights, Tadiya! Your efforts to chant and the realizations that come from that are apparent. I especially liked this:
For the sadhaka this is the focus: anukula/pratikula. It's quite simple to categorize anything we do or desire to do into these two. Of course the application is a bit more tricky, which is of course why above all else the emphasis is on keeping the company of serious sadhakas.
Yep--this is called saranagati. Thanks to all for such a wonderful discussion.
Devyah-pati Das SERBIA - July 18, 2010 10:23 am
... Now I can feel and know why monastics hold a particular position...they are immersed in favorable circumstances with support from the sadhu.
It is good to be a monastic, but it can be also problem for one's stable advancement.
If one wants to push it to become a monastic, without real backup in his advancement,
then soon all will fall apart, and gradual stable advancement that one was practicing
is quite shaken when one falls down from monastic life, in many cases ending up with
no interest in spiritual life at all. This I call the sindrom - "If I cannot be a monk-brahmacari,
then I will be a relaxed sense enjoyer." This have happened to many big sanyasis,
Srila Prabhupad's disciples, so what to speak of others.
Years ago, there was a aspiering devotee who was a famous volleyball player in Hungary.
He was regularly visiting temple for Sunday feast, and we became friends. He was very
sincere, and was practicing his sadhana of chanting and reading regularely and devotedly.
He was living in sports campus where he had small apartment to live in for free. He had
nice sallary. He had nice girlfriend who loved him, and he loved her. Still in one moment
he decided to leave all this, and to become full time temle-monk-brahmacari.
I adviced him (seeing how he is just utsaha inspired) that he should not make this move,
and that he should remain in his present condition, and to gradualy practice KC on firm
grounds since Krsna made all these arangements for him.
He told me: "You are telling me this only because you were living in the temple as a monk
for 5 years, and now you dont't want that I do the same." I told him that it would be good
that he stays monk if it is possible when he comes to live in the temple, but that I see that
it is for him very hard. He asked me how I can say this, and I replyed that this I see on the
basis of my experience in my own life being monk, then leaving temple, again being monk,
becoming sense enjoyer... up and down and at the end I concluded that it is best for me that
I remain at home, and gradualy practice KC, with whichever title - bhakta friend, or whatever,
since only Krsna knows how much of a devotee you are anyway even if others call you
big sanyasi.
I could feel in his nervous energy, and that he is not able to retain composure
that is needed to be a full time temple devotee.
So, I told him that if he comes to the temple he will stay there for 4 months and then leave.
Next Sunday feast I came, and sit down to take prasadam, and he was serving prasadam
with just shaved head. We smiled at each other and he continued with his duties in the
temple.
After 2 months he left temple. The volleyball team did not want to accept him back,
he lost appartment where he lived, he lost girlfriend, and since he was from Romania
he had no place to stay in Hungary any longer...
Then, since he was sincere soul, Krsna made arrangement that another team one of
two best in league accepted him as player, since he was realy an extraordinary player.
He got his salary again, and his girlfriend again united with him.
So, some time passed, and we meet again at Sunday feast, sit one beside other, and
eat and speak, like before. He said: "You were right. But I did not want to listen."
I said: "You cannot force yourself into higher realms of devotion by your strenghth.
It takes time, and above all the mercy of devotees."
He continued to practice KC gradualy and nicely...
I lost contact with him, but I hope he is doing well.
Citta Hari Dasa - July 18, 2010 4:19 pm
It is good to be a monastic, but it can be also problem for one's stable advancement.
If one wants to push it to become a monastic, without real backup in his advancement,
then soon all will fall apart, and gradual stable advancement that one was practicing
is quite shaken when one falls down from monastic life, in many cases ending up with
no interest in spiritual life at all. This I call the sindrom - "If I cannot be a monk-brahmacari,
then I will be a relaxed sense enjoyer." This have happened to many big sanyasis,
Srila Prabhupad's disciples, so what to speak of others.
Years ago, there was a aspiering devotee who was a famous volleyball player in Hungary.
He was regularly visiting temple for Sunday feast, and we became friends. He was very
sincere, and was practicing his sadhana of chanting and reading regularely and devotedly.
He was living in sports campus where he had small apartment to live in for free. He had
nice sallary. He had nice girlfriend who loved him, and he loved her. Still in one moment
he decided to leave all this, and to become full time temle-monk-brahmacari.
I adviced him (seeing how he is just utsaha inspired) that he should not make this move,
and that he should remain in his present condition, and to gradualy practice KC on firm
grounds since Krsna made all these arangements for him.
He told me: "You are telling me this only because you were living in the temple as a monk
for 5 years, and now you dont't want that I do the same." I told him that it would be good
that he stays monk if it is possible when he comes to live in the temple, but that I see that
it is for him very hard. He asked me how I can say this, and I replyed that this I see on the
basis of my experience in my own life being monk, then leaving temple, again being monk,
becoming sense enjoyer... up and down and at the end I concluded that it is best for me that
I remain at home, and gradualy practice KC, with whichever title - bhakta friend, or whatever,
since only Krsna knows how much of a devotee you are anyway even if others call you
big sanyasi.
I could feel in his nervous energy, and that he is not able to retain composure
that is needed to be a full time temple devotee.
So, I told him that if he comes to the temple he will stay there for 4 months and then leave.
Next Sunday feast I came, and sit down to take prasadam, and he was serving prasadam
with just shaved head. We smiled at each other and he continued with his duties in the
temple.
After 2 months he left temple. The volleyball team did not want to accept him back,
he lost appartment where he lived, he lost girlfriend, and since he was from Romania
he had no place to stay in Hungary any longer...
Then, since he was sincere soul, Krsna made arrangement that another team one of
two best in league accepted him as player, since he was realy an extraordinary player.
He got his salary again, and his girlfriend again united with him.
So, some time passed, and we meet again at Sunday feast, sit one beside other, and
eat and speak, like before. He said: "You were right. But I did not want to listen."
I said: "You cannot force yourself into higher realms of devotion by your strenghth.
It takes time, and above all the mercy of devotees."
He continued to practice KC gradualy and nicely...
I lost contact with him, but I hope he is doing well.
This is why above all else we need the guidance of a sadhu in whom we can place our faith and who can advise us as to how best to practice.
Bijaya Kumara Das - July 18, 2010 6:47 pm
Thank you for bringing up the topic Gopakumar.
This has been my internal dilema for as long as I have been trying to be a devotee.
I hesitated the first time to enter the temple with my buddy with a question to him. We can not go in there like this (intoxicated etcetra) that is a temple of God and he said in so many words don't worry about it God is every where and the rest is history, yet the self analysis continues and I have Guru Maharaja and all the devotees to help.
Thank you all for the grace bestowed upon me.