Tattva-viveka
Bhakti Tirtha Swami's Meditation
Gopakumardas - September 30, 2004 4:54 pm
I actually found this beautiful meditation on Bhakti Tirtha Swami's webpage when looking up his health update. He claims it best describes his current mood. It is very charming.
"I must be ready to make any sacrifice"
Dear Lord Syama, there is nothing too difficult to tolerate when it
comes to getting your direct association. The more you hide Yourself, the
more ecstasy there will be when we finally meet.
Dear Lord, being away from You and Your servants is unbearable. The
only way I am able to sustain my life is in anticipation of that glorious
reunion. I know that once I meet You and Your servants, I will immediately
forget the suffering and confusion I have experienced for millions of
lifetimes.
Dear Lord Syama, I became a madman thinking about Your association and
selfless love. When I reflect on how long lust has kept me imprisoned, I
want to immediately give up this body. It is my desire for these bodies
that has kept me away from You. Knowing this, how can I remain in one for
another day?
Dear Lord Syama, now that I am being reminded about You, I see how
irrelevant mundane scholarship is.
Dear Lord Syama, when I think about wealth, I think of the chore of
monitoring one's assets. When I am sleeping, unless I can dream of You, I
might as well be dead. Any action that does not center itself on You is a
waste of time.
Of friendship? Anyone who cannot direct me to You is not a true
friend. When I think of fame, I think how burdensome it is to attract any
attention that doesn't focus itself on your glories.
Conversation that does not deal with the exchanges between You and
your servants is like a loud noise ringing in my ears. Reading anything
that cannot be used for Your service is a waste of time.
My Dear Lord Syama, afraid of facing another night void of Your
association, I try to stretch each day, thinking: "Before This day is
over, I will see the lotus feet of the Lord."
Now waking and sleeping are the same, as I am never at rest, for I must
search You out, wherever You may be.
My Dear Lord Syama, I will be so persistent in looking for You that
Lord Brahma will say: "This soul is more bewildered than I was before I
heard the word `tapah.' Please, Lord, give him Your mercy.
My dear Lord Syama, I will work so hard to see You that Hanuman will
shed tears, and coming to You he will beg You, saying " Please have mercy
on this soul."
My dear Lord Syama, I will study so intensely to understand Your
workings that Goddess Saraswati will have difficulty supplying the
necessary knowledge. As she tries, she will call out: "Lord, have mercy
on this poor soul."
My dear Lord Syama, I will pass so many tests, pushing Maya's
challenges far away one after another and screaming out for You, that Indra
will personally intervene, asking that I be given no more tests. He will
plead: Lord, has mercy on this soul.
My dear Lord, my fixed determination in getting Your association will
cause Kapila to discuss such pastimes with his mother. It will cause Sukadeva to pause for a moment in his conversation with Maharaja Pariksit, and say: "Lord,
have mercy on this poor wretched soul."
My dear Lord Syama, Rupa Gosvami himself will be so embarrassed to
see a fool such as I, devoid of all qualifications, trying to be a
renunciate in this hellish age of Kali. Seeing that impossible situation, he will plead my case, saying "Lord, have mercy on this poor soul."
My Dear Lord Syama, I will even attract the attention of Prahlada.
He will say: "This man has such a low birth, is extremely crude, and has no
attraction for the process. He is offensive to the devotees, envious of
the sadhus, and does not relish bhajans or kirtans. He has no attraction
for the Holy Name, is full of doubts and lust, and is even thinking that he
will get direct mercy from the Lord. Oh!! Lord! Have pity on this poor
soul, for without Your causeless mercy, there is no hope for such a
worthless case."
My dear Lord Syama, without aid from Your servants, without a glance of
concern from Your devotees, Your sweet association is impossible. There is
nothing that can fully qualify us for Your direct attention. Therefore, I
stand ready to do whatever is necessary, although I cannot do anything.
I am so pitiful that only if such glorious personalities petition You
on my behalf can all my great sins be forgiven. I have no qualifications
of my own. All I can do is pray to somehow or other attracts one of Your
pure servants to plead for me.
I am the beggar that has no hope for Your association, but cannot live
another day without it.
Vrindaranya Dasi - September 30, 2004 8:43 pm
Jaya! Beautiful and inspiring!
Madangopal - September 30, 2004 9:09 pm
very moving...