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Tattva-viveka

Bhakti-tirtha Swami

Karnamrita Das - January 7, 2005 3:41 pm

I have been following BTW's health for months and have thought of sharing it, but never did. Now this report confirms what seemed inevitable. Some of you may not know him, but he is an old friend of Swami, and listens to his CDs as do some of his disciples. On Swami's trip to the East coast last year we stayed at BTS's center in DC. His disciples are generally very favorable to Swami. Personally I have a close relationship with him and feel he is a very progressive devotee who I will greatly miss.

dasanudas,

Karnamrta

Dear Maharaja. Prabhus and Disciples,

Please accept my humble obeisance

All glories to ISKCON Founder Acharya Srila prabhupada

Today, we received the latest report regarding the present status of my

Cancer situation. This report has come after 5 months of intense

treatments,wholistic as well as allopatic. After 3 blood transfusions,

four operations including amputation of the leg, several emmergency visits

to various hospitals, weeks of residing in different hospitals with different types of treatments, tens of thousands of dollars in medical treatments, over 1 dozen examinations which included such things as Sonograms, MRI's, Catscans,Petscans, and some biopsies.

The most recent biopsy report has found Cancer in both of the lymph nodes in

the groin area. These nodes were dissected the same day that I had the leg

amputated. The survival rate for Melanoma Cancer at this stage is extremely

low, less than 10%.The surgeons and oncologist will be suggesting more

surgery and most likely chemotherapy, radiation etc.

At this time I will not have anymore operations, we have done all that is

feasible in trying to check and irradicate the cancer. This means that by

rational considerations and from the biopsy report, I will most likely be

leaving the body soon. What is ironic, is that I already knew this, for I

as well as everyone else who has taken birth will be leaving the body in

the near future, so the doctors have confirmed what was already known.

Whether I have weeks, months, or years is up to Guru and Krsna, for They

can arrange to take me out of this body before the cancer fully take over,

They can allow the cancer to go it's normal course, or They can also take

the cancer away completely even at this point. I am now focusing my consciousness on an early departure. Once again, time will reveal Krsna's plans. Some may wonder, with all the thousand of devotees making prayers on my behalf, 'Why am I in this precarious and suffering condition'? Please do not allow this way of thinking to weaken your faith in 'prayers', if anything it should

strengthen it. Although I had asked that rather than pray for me to stay, pray

for whatever would be best for my service to Srila Prabhupada's mission and

let whatever would be best for my spiritual purification take place, still

many of you did pray for me to stay .

Ultimately prayers are good for me, whether I leave sooner than later, for

the prayers are expressions of your compassion and love for this wretched

soul. Even more important our prayers are for self purification and they

collectively bond us together as spiritual warriors in a profound and

magnificent way. Now the time that we do have together is most significant, for we must make it first class quality association, after all, as Vaisnavas we are not

really concerned with quantity or longevity, but we are concerned with

quality and purity.

Every devotee has his or her special relationship with Guru and Krsna, and

each devotee will have things arranged by Them for their personal

purification, so let us all be excited and eager to experience what Krsna

has in store for us to bring us back home to His abode. Yes, there is still so much work to be done on this planet and it does seem to become harder when so many senior devotees leave, but Srila Prabhupada and higher authorities are dealing with a much bigger picture than we may be sensitive to. We should each get ready for our own opportunities for growth, purification, and expanded services.

Until our next communication, let me leave you with my trite but profound

mantra.

"I am blessed by the best, would not settle for anything less, and I

continue to pray to be able to pass the remaining tests."

Yours in service to Srila Prabhupada

With love

BTSwami

Karnamrita Das - January 11, 2005 4:10 pm

I will keep posting these updates. I feel these disciples are very compatible to our Swami and his disciples and supporters. They have been very receptive when we brought Swami to visit. This is due to Bhakti-tirtha Swami's instructions and mood imbibed by many of his disciples. Different gurus have various moods, yet some can come together and easily appreciate each other, or be very open to understand. I have envisioned Swami and BTS coming together for some time now, and when BTS has to leave his body, I see some of them coming to Swami for shelter. It is interesting seeing how they are preparing for the likely departure of their guru, and how he is directing them.

dasanudas,

Karnam

Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2005 03:11 -0400

From: "Vrajalila (dd) BTS (Gita Nagari - US)"

<Vrajalila.BTS@pamho.net>

Subject: update on Gurumaharaja

Dear Godfamily, friends and well wishers,

Please accept our most humble obeisance

All glories to our beloved Gurumaharaja

All glories to ISKCON FOunder Acharya Srila Prabhupada

It has been almost two weeks since Gurudeva had the amputation. The leg is

healing very nicely. A physical therapist has been coming to the house to

assist Gurudeva with doing a few things. After the second visit from the

therapist, Gurumaharaja came down the steps hopping on one leg and of

course his crutches. Every day since then, Gurudeva has been coming downstairs to honor his lunch prasadam, he usually stays downstairs for a few hours before he return upstairs(unassisted) to retire for the night.

Gurudeva looks really well, he is gaining his weight back, Mother Padma has

been cooking him wonderful meals. Even though he is not getting much sleep

due to the prostate condition, he is looking much more healthy and he is

definitely stronger.

Gurudeva has been having a few of his godfamily to visit him during his

stay here at Murari Gupta and Padma's home.

Annuttama Prabhu and his wife Rukmini Devi visited and spoke with Gurudeva

for several hours. He was most appreciative for their visit.

His Holines Bhakti Ragava Maharaja and his servant drove all the way from

Alachua Florida to spend a few hours with Gurudeva. Many of you may know

that His Holiness Bhakti Ragava Maharaja also had one of his legs amputated

over 21 years ago, Gurudeva was happy to see him, and be in his association, he also took the opportunity to learn a few tips on using crutches from him.

Srila Prabhupada's Malati Prabhu and her servant came, she also stayed for

several hours. Malati spent some time speaking with Gurudeva in his room

while he was hooked up on his vitamin C iv, then she later set up a chair

with a beautiful chaddar (maha from Lord Nrsinghadeva in Mayapur)in one of

the rooms downstairs to show Gurudeva a slide presentation of some of the

most wonderful pictures of Srila Prabhupada. Some of these pictures dated

back to the early days with Srila Prabhupada and the first disciples.

Padma and I prepared lunch and both of them honored after the wonderful

slide show. Before leaving for Gita Nagari, Malati shared with me that she

had the chaddar for over 5 years, and that it made her happy to give it to

Gurudeva. It was so nice to see the affection Malati has for our Gurudeva

and the appreciation Gurudeva has for her.

Another godsister and godbrother, Mother kamagiri and Vrkesvara Pandit

Prabhu came. They brought a part of their yatra, two of mother Kamagiri's

daughters, one grandaughter, and another devotee. Mother Kamagiri is from

Gurudeva's hometown, Cleveland Ohio. she drove from Columbus Ohio to visit

with Gurudeva and cook for him. She is a renound cook, and Gurudeva has a

speciality that she has been preparing for him for years. Gurudeva was

really happy to see these devotees, he was cracking jokes with them and

they spent most of the time in his room laughing from his jokes.

After a couple hours with Gurudeva, they all came in the kitchen and cooked a feast for all of us. Mother Kamagiri did prepare Gurudeva's speciality. He came

downstairs to honor prasadam with Vrkesvara Pandit Prabhu. In the midst of

this association, Mother Indrani and Madhavacharya Prabhu came to visit.

Mother Indrani came to see Gurudeva before she returned to Alachua, where

she is presently residing. Before the devotees left on their 8 hour drive

back to Ohio, they blessed us with ecstatic bhajans. Gurumaharaja listened

to the sweet voices of their chanting from his room. I am sure most of you

know how sweetly Vrkesvara Pandit Prabhu chant.

Tomorrow we will be taking Gurudeva for his first appointment with the

doctors since the amputation. He is scheduled to have the staples taken out

of the areas where he was cut. The next phase will be to prepare for the

prosthesis. Yes, Gurudeva still have the melanoma in the lymph nodes in

the groin, we dont know how long he will be with us, as he says, it could

be weeks,months or years, we are taking it a day at a time. As we said for

now he is strong, gaining weight, and he is enthusiatic. Oh yea!! he is

still planning to do his course in Mayapur, let's see what the doctors say,

and if he will listen to them.

Your aspiring servants

With love

Ekavira and Vrajalila

Dayal Govinda Dasa - January 11, 2005 6:01 pm

I don't want to clog up this thread unecessarily but I do have something I want to say.

I have never met Sripad Bhakti Tirtha swami personally but they do say that one can judge a tree by it's fruits. Judging by his disciples, who are probably the most warm, loving, welcoming, and accepting devotees I have ever met (individually and as a group), I can say that he must be a very special devotee to be able to impart such a wonderful mood in his disciples.

It is indeed a great shame the vaisnava world will be losing him (at least it looks that way) so soon.

daso 'smi

Dayal Govinda dasa

Karnamrita Das - January 12, 2005 2:32 pm

Thanks for your comments Dayal Prabhu. They reflect my sentiments as well.

Here is the lastest letter from Sripad Bhakti-tirtha Swami:

Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2005 23:15 -0400

From: "Vrajalila (dd) BTS (Gita Nagari - US)"

<Vrajalila.BTS@pamho.net>

Subject: Latest update from Gurudeva

My Dear Disciples,

Please accept my blessings

All glories to ISKCON Founder Acharya Srila Prabhupada

In my last correspondence I mentioned that the cancer

was found in the lymph nodes in the groin area. Today we learned from

the doctors that the cancer has also spread outside the lymph into the

muscles. Normally this would mean that gradually the cancer will spread

throughout the body. If this happens it would take a while before it becomes

fatal, however we must not look so much at how little time we may have

together with our physical associations, better for us to focus more on

the weeks, months or perhaps even years that we still have ahead of us.

After all we have said many times it is up to Krsna and Srila Prabhupada how

long I stay in this body.

I would like to share with you what I think will be my present plans. I

will probably stay in the Washingtona area for a few more weeks, this will

allow me the opportunity to start getting prepared for the prosthesis. I

will probably go to Gita Nagari in February and will stay until Vyasa Puja.

Many devotees around the world have been asking if I will be initiating.

I will give initiations during the week of the Vyasa Puja Samscara

celebrations. If the doctors permit, I will go to the Mayapur festival,

after Mayapur I will perhaps go to Africa, Russia and a few other places.

When I visit these Countries, I will also give initiations to those devotees who have received proper recomendation. After these places I will have to look closer at what is going on with my health, to see if I will be able to travel anywhere else.

Obviously, I will not be able to travel very much and I will have to be

extremely careful with what I do and how I move about. I do have a desire

to visit several places, mainly to be with you before my health totally

deteriotes. After all it is due to the intensity of prayers and love from

the devotees around the world that I have been given some extra time in

this body.

It is most wonderful how our love for each other have intensified, it is

wonderful how many of you have committed yourself to serving the mission

of Srila Prabhupada more seriously.

Now we call upon all of you to commit yourselves even more, please take

more shelter of various siksas who inspire you and please make a much

deeper connection with Srila prabhupada through his books, lectures and

his disciples. Whenever I leave the planet, it in most important that

each of you allow me to live on through you, by your devotion.

After all our services and relationship is not coming to a close, but it

is really just beginning to flourish on a deeper level, this is already

happening for some of you and will surely happen for those of you who are

ready fo it. How fortunate we are to have each other, I am looking

forward to seeing as many of you as possible in this coming year.

The nature of Melanoma is that it is up and down and then over, but if you

think about it, this is the nature of all material existence. Once again,

let us focus on purity and quality. This should be our guide in all of our

endeavors and associations.

I am intoxicated as I constantly bathe in the love that all of you send to

me. You have all spoiled me, I will try my best to reciprocate as best as

possible with the services and love that you have offered.

So, Spiritual Warriors keep waging the battle of love, while dressed in

the armour of Selflessnes, Humility, Perseverance, and Unconditional

Love. How exciting that we can be together in this way as Spiritual

Warriors.

Yours in the service of Srila Prabhupada

With love

BTSwami

Vrindavandas - January 13, 2005 3:22 am

Thank you Karnamrita Prabhu for posting these letters. I have read many of BT Swami's books and he personally signed one for me 8 years ago. I have met him a few times and think he is quite an amazing devotee. I second Dayal Govinda's sentiments and pray that his health will turn around. Much like our Guru Maharaja, he is a very progressive thinker. It is a shame though, that many people in ISKCON ridicule him for his vision and individuality.

Haribol

Narada-kunda Dasi - January 13, 2005 4:32 pm

Much like our Guru Maharaja, he is a very progressive thinker. It is a shame though, that many people in ISKCON ridicule him for his vision and individuality.

 

Seems to be the fate of all progressive thinkers in ISKCON... It's almost like a sign that here is a genuine devotee.

 

Fortunately many leave, or are forced to leave, and then they can flourish, not having to expend energy dodging constant attacks...

Swami - January 17, 2005 12:28 pm

I received the following letter this morning from Bhakti Tirtha Swami. Given the nature of this thread I though I should share his generous words with everyone.

..............

Dear Tripurari Swami,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I wanted to thank you so much for the wonderful programs you have had at the Institute guesthouse. The devotees were extremely enlivened and they all benefited tremendously from your profound presentations. We all want you to know that you are always welcome to stay at the Institute House whenever you are in the area, and I personally pray that you will continue to educate and encourage the devotees as you have so gracefully done in the past. I have personally gotten lots of inspiration from your books and your writings. It is so wonderful to see how you flourished in so many areas. You seem to be one of the most balanced Vaisnava acaryas at this present time on the planet—at this time where we are influenced by so much negativity from modernity. I also want to thank you personally for the amazing care that you gave me in the early days when I was a brahmacari. You inspired and empowered so many devotees around the world to distribute Srila Prabhupada’s books and I can say I was fortunate to be included as one of those who received your mercy. Just as you gave me so much mercy in the earlier years of our Krishna consciousness, I pray you will extend your mercy on me at this time. Please pray for me that I will become an unalloyed, authentic devotee who becomes a true servant of the servant.

Yours in Srila Prabhupada’s service,

With love,

Bhakti Tirtha Swami

Caitanya-daya Dd - January 17, 2005 7:11 pm

Ah ... Guru Maharaja, i meant to tell you about this. Obviously, "someone" (who shall remain nameless ) wants me to post it publically:

BTS had a darshan at the IFAST center in Silver Spring, Maryland, this past Saturday (15 January). There were mostly disciples there, but many well-wishers as well. This is the first time I've seen him since he first announced his condition about seven months ago. It was ... what's the word ... not quite sad, but definitely sobering to see Maharaja using crutches and missing his left foot. When I think of Maharaja, I think of him dancing and and sweating and beating on his drum in kirtana with that wonderful smile of his. It seems those will have to remain fond memories.

He said he lost 40 pounds and that as of late has not been eating or sleeping well. If i recall, he said he hadn't slept for six days.

Of course, he spoke about his recent tribulations, his prayers, his thoughts/attitudes, and he shared some realisations from a book he has written, which has yet to be published, called, "Die Before Dying." The passage he read was one he wrote while in a plane flying to Hawaii for treatment. He said how recently, esp since 9/11, there is great fear and concern about hijackings. But hijacking doesn't have to be a negative thing. We should pray for Krsna to hijack our bodies, hearts, and souls. I really loved that.

His plans for the near future are to stay in the States while he receives physical therapy for prosthetics. He plans to go to India, Russia, and South Africa, but he may end up nixing the India trip.

It was definitely a heavy and somber atmosphere. Unfortunately, this old, useless brain of mine doesn't have the best memory; it can only conjure up certain nuggets, such as the hijacking reference and other small things.

After the darshan, Kunti-devi, one of Maharaja's disciples and resident/owner of the IFAST house, came to me and said the devotees in the DC area really want Guru Maharaja to come again, but since BTS's situation is so unstable, nothing concrete can be made, esp because of his physical therapy (i.e., no one knows for sure how long that will take). She praised Guru Maharaja highly and then we just looked at each other, both of us knowing what little control we have of the situation.

Of course we all hope for the best. BTS has done so much for Prabhupada's mission; we hope he can stay on a little bit longer, although Maharaja wants us to pray that Krsna do what He wills, because no matter what happens, that is for the best.

Karnamrita Das - January 18, 2005 3:50 pm

Thanks Maharaja for sharing that letter and thanks to Chaitanya-daya for sharing your experiences. Here is a letter posted on BTS's version of tattva-viveka. It is a letter he sent to disciples in Alachua.

Dear Devotees of the Alachua Community,

Please accept my humble obeisance

All glories to ISKCON Founder Acharya Srila Prabhupada

I have been informed about the program you had the

other night at the Temple, where you were all so kind in

sharing your thoughts, realizations, and pastime in

relationship to myself. I cannot explain to you how

humbled and appreciative I am for your compassion and

Vaisnava etiquette. I have had the priviledge of serving

with so many of you . I can truly say that I

benifited so much from your associations.

So many of us know the Alachua Community is one or if

not the most important community we have in our

Society. This community represents ISKCON’s past, present

and future more than any other community in the world

because there is such a large number of serious devotees

who in spite of so many different Institutional,

Family and Individual challenges have managed to go on in

their Krsna Consciousness year after year. How dear you

must be to Srila Prabhupada and his mission. I was

reflecting on how you took the time to think of me, this

was for me great mercy from Srila Prabhupada,

especially because so many of you are such loyal disciples and

grand disciples of his Divine Grace.

Needless to say what I have been experiencing for the

last six months have been overwhelming. My concerns

were how could I be forced to become totally pure,

surrendered, and simultaneously be used to absorb some of

the negative karma that is hanging over our

Institution. Some of this negative karma is due to abuse and lack

of proper caretaking of women, children, elders,

brahmanas, cows etc. In my own immature way I am trying to

take on some of the mood of Vasudeva Datta, by asking

to be used to extinguish some of the obstacles that

many devotees are experiencing which causes them so much

suffering in their daily lives. In some ways what I am

going through is answers to my prayers to become more

dependent on Guru’s and Krishna’s mercy so that I

could give up the more stubborn and subtle attachments,

and most importantly get a chance to serve the Vaisnava

Community in a profound way.

I am so full of gratitude for what Krsna and Srila

Prabhupada have given me, even though I am so unworthy. I

feel that in many ways I have taken more from the

Vaisnava Community than I have given, therefore I feel I

still have serious responsibilities and obligations to

the Vaisnavas.

I do not know how much longer Krsna will let me stay

in this body, whether it will be weeks, months, or even

years, but it seems more likely that my time is up and

I am living on borrowed time. I am praying to use this

extended time in a way that I can increase my services

to our spiritual family. Thank you all for coming

together to create such an important Community.

Yes, I know of some of the many difficulties you

experience, collectively and individually, but I also know

of the tremendous sacrifices that most of you have

made year after year. This is one of the reasons that I

am so honored to be with you as we all try to

strengthen ourselves at this most difficult time in World

history. We want to be loyal to our vows and our identity

as Vaisnavas. As we all give more attention to purity,

we will be able to see better what we can change

within ourselves to create a better Institution, better

Community and a better World. We are all part of the

drama to help bring forth-healthy global transformation,

so let us prepare ourselves to become a saktyavesa’, so

that Krsna can directly use us as puppets and we can

act as perfect servants.

Before I leave this body, I will be sure to come and

spend a few days in the Community so that I can have

the special association from many of Srila Prabhupada

dearest servants. We are all so fortunate, but I am the

most fortunate because I have been a receiver of your

compassion, love and blessings.

Once again I am most humbled and profoundly

appreciative.

Yours in service to Srila Prabhupada

With love

BTSwami

Karnamrita Das - January 21, 2005 2:30 am

Here is BTS latest letter. As a friend and advanced devotee I have know him for years and felt him to be quite exceptional. Different devotees have different flavors. Variety is the spice of life, and in his case, the spice goes very well with our Swami's.

----- Original Message -----

From: Vrajalila (dd) BTS (Gita Nagari - US)

To: BTSwamiList@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Wednesday, January 19, 2005 9:28 PM

Subject: [bTSwamiList] Letter from Gurumaharaja

Dear Devotees,

Please accept my blessings. All glories to ISKCON founder-acarya Srila

Prabhupada.

I am not personally on the BT Swami conference, I prefer it this way, for I

feel you should be discussing different types of issues which you can

honestly share with each other and at the same time maintaining proper

vaisnava etiquette. Sometimes you may need to discuss issues concerning me

and you may feel that what ever you write or discuss, that you can do so

without me seeing what you wrote. My concern is that you are able to create

a greater sense of community through your discussions. These discussions

should benefit the maximum number of you in a positive Krsna Conscious way.

How wonderful it is that you can all be in touch with each other so easily.

Of course this conference is primarily for my disciples, however just like

when you have disciples meetings, if someone else wanted to attend they are

joyfully allowed to do so. Sometimes some of my secretaries will inform me

about certain discussions that are going on, so I have been informed about

the discussions in reference to Narayana Maharaja. I was given a few

letters from the site; therefore I felt I needed to offer some brief points

of clarification.

Purusa- Sukta is monitoring the site, so I will ask him when he feels I

need to be informed or contacted on something he should see that as a part

of his service to contact me. I would suggest that after you read this

letter that you terminate any discussions about Narayana Maharaja on this

conference.

Is Srila Narayana Maharaja and advanced vaisnava?

Of course, and so was Srila Sriddhar Swami, Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja,

Sriman Jayananda dasa, Srimate Hladini dasi, and so many other devotees who

are presently in their bodies.

Does this mean that they cannot make mistakes?

Does this mean we should drop everything to follow them?

Does this mean we have to agree with every thing they say and do? Of course

not.

My position is that I am one of Srila Prabhupada's generals and I am very

happy to be one, therefore whomever I hear from, whatever I read, whomever

I associate with, I will use that to try and be a better servant of Srila

Prabhpada's mission. I expect the same of you.

Neophytes are so quick to see everything as either/or. Spiritual life is

more complicated and more adventurous than this. So, be very careful in how

you process things. You must see through the eyes of the sastras,

simultaneously being very afraid of making offenses. I have asked that none

of those under my care offend vaisnavas, I have even asked you to be

careful not to offend religious leaders of other traditions, what to say of

those in our own line. You must become so busy in trying to improve your

own institution, family, and your own character so that you have no time to

get distracted by someone else's institution. Wish them well while

constantly improving and protecting your own house.

Let me list a few misconceptions in relationship to myself, which

represents "neophyte thinking", for there are many neophytes in everyone's

institution.

1) Some say that because I have stressed not offending Srila Narayana

Maharaja and have accepted that he is an advanced soul that this is

endorsing taking formal shelter of him. This is their problem not mine.

2) Some say because I go out of the way to arrange and support

marriages, that I am going outside the etiquette of a sannyasi. This is

their problem not mine.

3) Some say some of my books are too eclectic, this is their problem

not mine.

4) Some say that my stress on taking better care of women and giving

more attention to providing services for them is supporting feminism. That

is their problem not mine.

5) I have called upon the vaisnava community to look closer at the

issue of homosexuality so that we can be more aware of the challenges,

problems, and discussions that are encountered in relationship to this

community, so that we can better to see how to serve, assist, and offer

them Krsna Consciousness. Some have seen this as my campaigning for

homosexuality, illicit affairs, etc. This is their problem not mine.

6) Some say my increase support for children is more like that of a

householder. That is their problem not mine.

7) Some say my constant emphasis on developing greater loving

relationships among vaisnavas and literally becoming more compassionate are

expressions of sentimentality. That is their problem not mine.

8) Some may even be saying my prayers in the mood of Vasudeva Datta,

where I have asked to carry some of the burden from others so that they can

be freer in accelerating their own spiritual life, is a prayer and posture

beyond my spiritual maturity. Once again I say, that is their problem not

mine.

I hope this little list will act as a key to clarify my position on several

issues. I am somewhat of a visionary, eclectic, and social reformer. I do

not go against our siddhanta, but I do look to see how to keep it alive

based on time, place and circumstances. This seems to be the way that Srila

Prabhupada has empowered me to serve his mission.

I highly respect others who are empowered in other ways. Do I disagree with

some of their methods sometimes? But, of course. Do some of them disagree

with some of my methods? But, of course. However, when any of us engage in

offending each other, that offender is committing spiritual suicide. Should

I expect everyone to appreciate and accept my particular offerings to Srila

Prabhupada? If I did I would not be a true visionary. Visionaries are in

the present, but they are just as much or even more in the future. More

than likely my little contributions will be appreciated much more in the

future than they are in the present, especially my writings. My writings

are targeting devotees, as well as pious people in all different

significant communities. One might say I have been blessed with a potency

to assist with global transformation.

It seems that this is how I have lived as a vaisnava and how I will

eventually pass as a vaisnava.

It is good in one sense that you are having these discussions because as we

have seen once the guru and the acarya leave there is so much speculation.

It is good to have more clarity in various areas. This is why I have taken

the time after returning from the doctor to send this letter.

I am very proud of most of you, for the majority of you under my care are

embracing unity and diversity, avoiding sectarianism, and gross apaharads

while simultaneously being very chaste to Srila Prabhupada's mission. I

expect that you will remain chaste even after my departure.

With love,

Yours in Srila Prabhupada's Service,

Bhakti Tirtha Swami

Swami - January 23, 2005 4:39 am

My reply to Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja. His letter to me is above.

Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja,

ami pranam kori. sri sri guru-gaurangau jayatah!

It was kind of you to think of me and take the trouble to write to me. As you have appreciated my association, so too have I appreciated yours and learned from you. You ask for my prayers. I will pray for you not because I belive that I have the power to do so effectively, but because you have asked me to do so, and I have confidence that this request has power. It is apparent that you are a blessed soul, given your condition and the concern for you that all the Vaisnavas have, as well as how you are dealing with death.

Life is about death, nothing more. Srimad Bhagavatam is about death, nothing more. But what is death? Raja Pariksit asked Sri Suka about his impending death and the sage responded with the poetry of Srimad Bhagavatam. He told the Raja that no one is really a king, for death rules over all. But death is the hand of Bhagavan. So take his hand and hold tight. There is life in understanding death, otherwise not.

The Bhagavata reaches its apex in the rasapancadhyaya, where the Vraja sundaris die, for what is life without desire for society, friendship, and love of one's family? They gave these desires up. They gave up their lives. Die to live. This is how Sukadeva, a mere boy, replied to the Raja. Even a young boy or girl can understand this. It is common sense. But we have all set out to become kings, and in this mad pursuit we have lost site of the obvious.

Srila Prabhupada said at the time of your initiation that "Henceforth you will be known as Ghanasyama dasa," and at that time he also said that if you follow him, as you have, that he could guarantee that you would go back to Godhead. That time has come. Go to him. He is calling you.

You are a servant of a dark cloud (ghanasyama). Dark clouds come from the sun. They rain tears, but those tears bring new life. You are at a crossroad. A tirtha is a crossing, a mystical ford of passage across the river of life, from the quicksand exploitation to the firm footing of self forgetfulness—uttama bhakti. To serve on that side is far better than the reign like a Maharaja on this side. You are destined to be a real king, not only by serving, but by showing the way to cross over to the other side. Show us Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja. Bless us.

I cannot refuse your request, as it may be the last thing you ask of this poor soul. I will continue to help your friends and students as you have asked. That is the very least I can do.

With so much affection,

Swami B.V. Tripruari

Vrindaranya Dasi - January 23, 2005 4:00 pm

Wow! This is so deep, poetic, and profound. I'm still blown away by your writing.

I really liked what you said about death being the hand of Krsna. I pray to serve you sincerely so that when I die Krsna will pull me up and place me in your eternal service, serving Radha-Madana Gopala in the land of the cows.

Ken - January 23, 2005 9:26 pm

I concur, Vrindaranya. This is why we are all here -- continuing to be blown away by Swami Tripurari's compassion and insight, as manifested, in part, through his poetic profundity.

It is also why we pray for the privilege to become servants of the dust that surrounds his lotus feet.

vande guroh sri-caranaravindam!

Karnamrita Das - January 31, 2005 4:51 pm

Jai to the words of Vrindaranya and Ken. Thanks to Swami for sharing his letter to BTS. As a follower of Prabhupada, it seems to me that your wriitings are also your "devotional ecstacies". Your words, whether by voice or book are truly uplifting, inspiring, and like the abundant rains on my desert-like heart. Thank you.!

Dasanudas,

Karnam

Here is BTS lattest letter:

Dear Maharajas and Prabhus and Disciples,

Please accept my humble obeisance. All glories to

ISKCON founder-acarya Srila Prabhupada.

Two days ago a group of doctors who have been dealing

with my illness met to discuss my case. One oncologist

somewhat representing the group explained to me after

I probed him for quite a while that basically they

have very little or anything to offer me at this point.

For he explained that chemo and radiation has not been

known to respond affectively to melanoma cancer and

that the additional operation that was being proposed in

taking out all the lymph nodes in the thigh was not

only dangerous and full of possible heavy side effects,

but it could not really guarantee any extended life.

In my last correspondence I had already concluded that

I was not going to go through another operation for I

already understood that there was very little at this

time allopathic medicine and care could offer me. So,

their basic consideration was that the depth of my

melanoma was more or less a death sentence and that

whatever is done that even if it does work for sometime it

will just temporarily put off the inevitable. Therefore they wanted me to

be aware of the studies on melanoma cancer so that I

would understand that I am quickly or slowly dying.

(Although I have stopped the allopathic treatment I am

still pursing a few alternative treatments that could

hold me together for a little while). Of course the

doctor was rather shocked to see that not only was I not

depressed or shocked, but I was bright-faced, full of

gratitude, even to the point of going out of my way to

thank him and other members of the group for the

wonderful care they had provided me. In some ways it was

almost similar to my experience in Hawaii, by the time I

left the hospital the caretakers, especial the nurses

cried as they realized I was coming back to Washington

to get my leg amputated and to confront in the near

future, death. Somehow I bonded with them in a very

powerful way during my visits.

The last two days have been exceptional for me. First,

it has been exceptional because for several months I

have not been able to sufficiently sleep. When the

cancer was very prominent in the foot it would shake the

foot every 15 minuets with pain, and so when I would

try to sleep even if I dozed off I would be woke up by

the shaking or by the problem of having to urinate

every hour. But in the last two days I was able to sleep

over three hours without any serious waking up. This is

kind of ironic, because for much of my devotional life

I was very meticulous about trying not to sleep up to

six hours, for I felt this is Prabhupada’s and Krsna’s

time and that I should try to be active in their

service as much as possible. Now presently if I could

sleep six or more hours without waking up I would see it

as pure mercy. How amazingly Krsna helps to show us

that we are not the controller and that we cannot capture

him in a krama-kandic mood or by austerities. The

second thing is I feel I have developed even a greater

appreciation for Srila Prabhupada’s special offering to this world.

I just finished reading this wonderful book written by

our God sister, Mulaprakriti, the book is called Our

Srila Prabhupada, A Friend To All. I would highly

suggest that every leader in ISKCON get a copy of this

book. It shares some pastimes of Srila Prabhupada’s from

many sadhus and associates that Srila Prabhupada had

interactions with before he came to America and even

before he took sannyas. Mulaprakriti, interviewed about

eighty different devotees who share amazing ways Srila

Prabhupada impacted upon them.

Two interview that affected me the most was an

interview with the pujari who takes care of the deities at

the house of Advaitacarya, and also an interview with a

devotee named Hrdayananda Maharaj who was a pujari in

a temple next to the Radha-Damodar temple. Let me

briefly share a summary of these two interviews. In the

first interview the pujari explains how Srila Prabhupada

as a vanaprasta would come to his temple once or twice

a month, would sit in the back for hours chanting,

sobbing and crying each time he came. Then after some

time he came as a sannyasi, did the same thing but was

sobbing and crying even more. This time he came and

spoke to the pujari and explained to him that the next day

he was off to America and that he had been coming

there on a regular basis since this was the place where

Lord Nityananda, Lord Caitanyana and Advaitacarya would

meet to organize the sankirtan movement. He explained

how his Gurudeva had given him an impossible mission

so he was coming there, praying that he would be able to carry out this

mission. Years later he started noticing western devotees

coming to his temple. One day one gave him a BTG and he

was shocked to see the picture of Prabhupada then he

realized from this that Srila Prabhupada’s mission had

been successful as he had been blessed and empowered

by Lord Caitanya, Lord Nityananda and Advaitacarya.

The next interview that was so impacting on me was the

interview with the pujari, Hrdayananda, he explained

that every night he would hear someone whaling and

crying around 1:00 A.M.. One day he got on top of his roof

to see what was going on, and what did he see? He saw

Srila Prabhupada sweeping the Radha Damodara

courtyard, sobbing and crying, calling out to Rupa and Sanatana

Goswamis to please help him and prepare him for this

mission. The pujari mentions that he was born in Vraj,

and had lived there all of his life. He had met many

wonderful sadhus but never had met anyone who had such

intense bhajan as Srila Prabhupada.

As I read these stories one after another, especially

these two I became overwhelmed. I found that these two

draw tears out of my own crocodile eyes, for they

allowed me to see even more the tremendous sacrifice and

the great determination and perseverance that Srila

Prabhupada had. It also helped me appreciate even more

Srila Prabhupada’s connection with Mahaprabhu, and the

Goswamis. All of this caused me to make an appeal to

Srial Prabhupada. Basically, my appeal was: “Dear Srila

Prabhupada, wherever you are going to take me or send

me when I leave this body I appeal to you to first let

me remain here for at least one more year to make more

input with your previous services, with your ISKCON

organization. Now I understand even more than ever how

important this mission was and still is for you and

your Gurumaharaja” I feel that Srila Prabhupada once

again accepted my prayer. So, yes I am definitely dying

(so are all of us) but, I feel as I said earlier I am on

borrowed time.

I therefore suggest that all the temples around the

world that have my pictures on the alter that they take

them down, for the immediate threat of my leaving in

days, weeks, or months is less likely. I love

attention, affection, and compassion, especially when it is

coming from so many wonderful sadhus and disciples. So, I

still beg you in your own ways that you continue your

prayers for me. Nothing has changed other then I seem

to have been given a window or a certain short period

to be functional. After perhaps after two or three

months once I get my prosthesis and after I become rather

functional with it I will set off for a last around

the world tour so that I can be able to see all of you,

offer my appreciation, receive your blessings and to

share what little realizations I have acquired.

This of course is my present plan, but let’s see if

this is consistently Srila Prabhupada’s and Krsna’s

plan. I think also the prayers from so many of you to keep

me here for a little while longer even though my time

in this service is more or less over is responsible

for extending my stay in this body. [so are you all my

well-wishers or my greatest enemies, as you are

punishing me to stay longer in this wretched body (smile)].

It is a great challenge for one who normally has not

been very sick to all of a sudden to come down with so

many serious health problems. There is a price for

everything and Krsna is so expert, hiding in the heart,

arranging to fulfill our desires. So, I pray that I can

desire to be a more genuine servant of all of you

during this short but extended time that I have been given

to get your association. How kind Srila Prabhupada is

to all of us!

Srila Prabhupada himself asked for prayers that he

could die in the battlefield. We see in such an intense

ill state that he was trying to go to the west to Gita

Nagari, and even when he went back to Vrindavan we

could still see that he was preaching up to practically

his last breath. Therefore, I am at this time feeling a

greater desire to leave my body also on the

battlefield. I have canceled out the idea as of now of going to

Vrindavan or Mayapur to leave my body. More than

likely I will leave from the West in Gita Nagari. However,

after everything is said and done I continue to submit

myself to Srila Prabhupada to use me anyway he sees

fit and to force me according to what his desires are.

P.S. [i cannot live or die, it seems I am still

remaining to be stubborn? (smile)]

With love,

Yours in Srila Prabhupada’s service,

Bhakti Tirtha Swami

Swami - January 31, 2005 10:27 pm

I had some reservations about the book Maharaja mentions, "Our Srila Prabhupada A Friend to All; Early Contemporaries Remember Him." The stories Maharaja highlights seemed particularly dubious to me when Mulaprakrti devi related them to me a few weeks before she passed on. My doubts about them have not been removed, but my I am appreciating the book overall.

By the grace of Madan Gopala dasa I received a copy in the mail today. I think it is a wonderful documentation of a charming side to Srila Prabhupada that many of his disciples are unfamiliar with, or worse deny. I loved this comment from Caitanya Goswami (whom I know personally), "His joking was very delightful. Generally they were Vraja jokes lika Mansukha, Sridama, and other Krsna stories. He told very fantastic jokes in his hari-katha. I remeber he told me Lord Krsna's friend, Sridama, was very mischevious and genrally he disturbed Krsna in many ways. He laughed very sweetly when he told how Sridama was so mischevious and how Krsna loved him very much."

The book consists of glorification of Srila Pabhupada from from the lips of devotees of various Gaudiya Vaisnava lineages, devotees who knew him before he came to the West. Hopefully it will help to put an end to the sectarianism that seeks to separate Srila Prabhupada from his life outside of ISKCON.

The book is a tribute to the devotion of Mulaprakrti devi and her husband, Gopavrndapala, both of whom I served shoulder to shoulder with in the front lines of ISKCON's heydays of preaching. Babhru should also be commended for his edition of the book, which must have been quite a task.

Babhru Das - February 1, 2005 5:01 am

The generosity Swami shows in this post demonstrates why we find this sanga so attractive. I've also had some reservations about some of the accounts given in the book, but I think the book as a whole is worth reading for a couple of reasons. First, it's an offering of love from Mulaprakriti's heart. Her feelings for Srila Prabhupada go beyond cheap sentiment, as evidenced by her years of dedication to serving him and the pleasure she gave him through that service. The other is one Swami mentioned: that it may help undermine fundamentalist, sectarian visions of who Srila Prabhupada is and that, as he writes, "separate him from his life outside ISKCON." These are the two main reasons I agreed--even before we knew Mula was ill--to help edit this book. Of course, I also saw working on it as an offering of love to Mula and Gopa, who are old friends.

I wrote an article some years ago called "Considering Srila Prabhupada's Mercy" which I hoped would show that Srila Prabhupada's mission has roots deeper than many devotees like to admit.

And, yes, editing this book was fairly challenging. I was getting drafts from Vrindavan as Mula lay dying, waking up in the middle of the night because I knew there'd be more emails that needed immediate attention, hoping to beat the clock, hoping that we could finish it in time to show it to Mula. (I guess we were playing a transcendental version of the old Firesign Theater's "Beat the Reaper.") Fortunately, at the time I was not on duty at the college where I teach. I could probably find plenty to do if I didn't have to work for a check.

Brahma Dasa - February 2, 2005 2:38 am

Dear B.V. Tripurari Maharaja,

Please accept my humble obeisances, all Glories to Srila Prabhupada!

I just wanted to thank you for your kind letter written to His Holiness Bhakti tirtha Maharaja which begins with "ami pranam kori"; as well as the question and answer extract entitled "The Gifts of Sri Guru".

I am a disciple of Maharaj and like my Godfamily, we so much enjoy to hear good instructions and nectar filled exchanges between advanced devotees like yourself and Gurudeva.

We also apprecite your website, newsletter, and dedication to the sweetness of Krishna's devotional service.

dhrstadyumna das

Brahma Dasa - February 2, 2005 4:44 pm

Jaya Maharaja

PAMHO,AGTSP!

Thank you for writing such a nice letter to my Gurudeva

HH BHakti Tirtha Maharaja. It is clear that he is more

than happy for his disciples to hear from you.

Thank you

ys Hari das

Karnamrita Das - February 4, 2005 5:05 pm

Subject: Questions and Answers from BTS

Dear Maharajas, Prabhus, and Disciples

Please accept my humble obeisance. All glories to ISKCON Founder-Acarya

Srila Prabhupada.

When one is leaving the body that person as well as others begin to look closer at the dying experience, in this spirit, several of the leaders have asked me to share some of the realizations I am presently experiencing. A few leaders and friends have asked some specific questions. I thought I would take some time to answer

some of these questions.

The questions and answers are as follows:

Q. What is one of your greatest realizations at this time?

A. I have become much more appreciative of how full dependency on The Supreme Lord is the `svarupa- laksana' most essential aspect for advancement. It seems the conditioned souls normally find ways to avoid this full dependency. I am also understanding better that individual effort in Krsna Consciousness is most important that even as we do our so called very best it is still so inadequate.

Therefore for one to really dive deep into the treasure of Bhakti, the person must

be a recipient of unlimited mercy for Maya has so many gross and subtle

tricks especially in this age of Kali Yuga. Srila Visvanatha Thakur explains the roles of effort and mercy in the Damodara Lila that when Mother Yasoda tries to tie Krsna the rope is always 2inches too short. He explains how this pastime

represents that in order to tie or capture the Lord there must be two factors, sufficient effort that elicits complimentary and sufficient mercy.

Q. Can you share something about your present state of

consciousness?

A. As Vaisnavas it is not proper that we reveal our total bhajan, but one of the major principles of (pritti) loving exchanges is that one should reveal their mind and consciousness. Since I like to expand my circle of loving exchanges, I am not intimidated to be a little revealing.

I am presently having an intense attitude of gratitude inspite of my terminal illness. I am so much more appreciative of so many things now, and they are much too many to enumerate in this kind of correspondence.

My appreciation for the devotees and for Srila Prabhupada has magnified many times over. I also feel that my heart has opened up much more. If you thought I was sentimental before, be aware that I am even more sentimental now (smile). I would like to give you one simple example that can summerize an aspect of my consciousness.

Previously if there was a situation where there was one piece of apple pie, I would submissively and eagerly cut the pie into two so as to serve you the first piece, but on close investigation it would be seen that I gave you the smaller piece. ha

ha!! Not only would I have devotionally give you the smaller piece, but I would also remind you from time to time how selfless I was in this situation.

Presently if there was one piece of pie, I would give it to you in such a way that you would not know that I deprived myself, and if you found out, I would joyfully cut the bigger piece of the pie for you. Obviously the second example represents a greater appreciation and affection for your existence.

Q. Now that you are confronted with the possibility of an early departure, what are your experiences with chanting the holy names?

A. Basically my chanting has been something I do out of duty, however I have never missed one day of chanting my rounds. I have over the years gone from period of chanting forty-two to thirty-two, to twenty rounds daily. However, when I want to connect more deeply with the holy names I am usually able to so by Krsna's mercy. Many of us find different ways to intensify our chanting. I find that when I am in the temple, especially where there is a Murti of Srila Prabhupada, that by sitting at the feet of Srila Prabhupada, chanting my rounds and meditating on his lotus feet, and shifting the meditations to Krsna's forms from time to time, this helps me to go deeper and deeper with my chanting. The idea is that because the mind has its own way of wondering, instead of stopping it from wondering,

I allow it to focus according to my direction. More recently I have found that by chanting to the Deities mostly my personal Radha- Syamasudara and reflecting on the pictures in my room, it has become easier to take shelter of the Holy Names.

Q. Many devotees have asked how do I seem so positive while my body is

experiencing complete chaos and devastation.

A. If many of you were around me for any extended period of time you would

probably notice that I am pretty chaotic also (smile). For instance when my caregivers bring me such things as wheat grass juice and raw foods etc. Usually I am in anxiety because when I eat or take the prasadam I am thinking, where is the pizza? French fries? Ice cream and yes, where are the vegetarian burgers? Not to mention what happened to the cheesecake?

Some of these things are totally out of my diet as well as many other Vaisnava preparations, which we normally eat. I have also been fanatical about not wasting time, knowing that my time is limited, I sometimes get even more irritable about how I, and those around me use their time.

Q. Why did you go out of your way to appear on Television, It seems to be quite unorthodox for a sannyasi, especially since you sometimes wear dhotis and sometimes not?

A. Television is one of the most powerful and unfortunately most negative aspects of present day society. It is one of the most powerful ways of influencing a large number of people on the planet at a given time. There are so many statistics that shows how it encourages violence, promiscuity, and social degradation. Let me give you one statistic from the American Medical Association, " With the introduction of television in any country the murder rate doubles within fifteen years."

Therefore if television is used in a positive way it can also altar millions of peoples

consciousness. When a person watches television it puts them in an alpha state (i.e. a slight hypnotic state) where the person can become five times more susceptible to the information than they would in the normal waking state. Almost every country that I visited I have appeared on national television programs.

Sometimes I have been very direct in giving Krsna Consciousness and sometimes I am subtler. I have used many tactics to get on important television programs around the world. Of course this has given me opportunities to give Krsna Consciousness and/or to plant seeds with literally hundreds and millions of people

over the years. The unfortunate thing is that I am not very potent or pure, so perhaps much of what I shared had limited effects.

Q. Some have asked why do my reports about my health sometimes seem

pessimistic and other times optimistic.

A. My situation has a lot of paranormal aspects and also because my mood is to expect the best while planning for the worst.

Q. Devotees have inquired; do I read and answer my own e-mails?

A. There are times when I was receiving up to two hundred e-mails daily and I tried to maintain a policy to personally answer all of them within one to three days. I have a little less than a thousand disciples around the world, and I had requested all of my disciples around the world to write me once a month with updates about themselves and their services.

However with so many disciples writing to me along with the mails from other conferences, I have my secretary to print out all of my mail in order to avoid eight or nine hours of being on the computer. During the day, at different transitional times, I usually make a few notes on the letters then I dictate all the answers. My secretary often downloads twice daily, and often the amount of letters downloaded is as much as a book. If you have personal correspondence, which you basically

want only for my eyes, then your subject should be "Personal or Confidential" (although I do not like this confidential word).

Q. A few people have asked why should a sannyasi accept the position of a

chief or a king?

A. In my particular case two very powerful leaders in West Africa (a paramount king in Nigeria) as well as the Paramount king in Ghana (Ashanti Heni) were royalties I was cultivating. The King in Nigeria became most favorable. He made all kinds of special arrangements for the devotees.

For example, he gave them land on which we built a temple.etc There are many rules and regulations that the king has to follow to maintain this most important seat; not following these rules and regulations usually presents danger for the King and others. Whenever the king came to visit me he would offer obeisance and would sit in on the lectures sometimes.

In order to safeguard our relationships, perhaps to protect his life as well as mine it was understood that my coronation would give a different etiquette in our relationships (i.e. royalty associating with royalty). After being coronated as a King, this gave me some opportunity to advise and preach to other sub-kings, high chiefs, and chiefs, as well as the paramount kings. The Kingdom that I am connected with as one of its rulers has over one and a half million people.

Q. Some devotees are asking that though they may be comfortable with most

of my books some passages in one or two of the books seem to go outside of

our siddhanta.

A. I can see why some devotees could have this opinion and therefore in

the second editions I have edited these passages. One aspect of Srila Prabhupada's mission was to help people to understand the importance of

solving material problems with spiritual solutions.

Perhaps I have connected more with that part of Srila Prabhupada's mission while

simultaneously assisting the devotees to rise above anartha- nivritti and

simultaneously assist them in becoming more faithful.

Q. Do you write your own books?

A. Yes, I do write or speak my own books. Perhaps the devotees must

wonder how did I find time to write over 15 books seeing how much I keep

myself engaged. (I was always a festival junkie, going from one festival to another all around the world.) Some of my books I have written but most are lectures, seminars, and workshops that were spoken to Vaisnava and non-vaisnava groups around the world. I have an excellent group of assistants at the Harinama Press in U.S.A. who are constantly working with theBooks. I was born with a speech defect, which makes speaking and writing difficult, but with their help we offer a nice professional presentation.

Q. Some are noticing that these days I am stressing more emphasis on prayers. Why is this?

A. Yes, Vandanam is so important. It is a major pillar of Bhakti and there are distinct types of prayers made by vaisnavas. Srila Narottama Das Thakur mentions these different types of prayers in his book Prarthana and in the writings of Srila Bhativinoda Thakur; one will find a list of all of the ten types of vaisnava prayers. Prayers connect us more with each other and can help to enrich our internal life. It is also a way we can offer ourselves for services with greater profundity. It is like having a conversation with Guru, Sadhu, and Krsna.

Q. Why should I try to pray in the mood of Vasudeva Datta?

A. It is definitely true that a neophyte like myself has no potency to make such prayers, but as we practice it can become a part of our existence. As I look back ever since I was a brahmacari I have tried to write and pray to Krsna in this spirit. Hopefully, I am getting a little closer to understanding and meaning this prayer.

These are a few of the questions that come up whenever someone writes or

calls me. However most of our discussions are about how to serve Srila

Prabhupada's mission with better purity and dedication. If you took the time to read this letter than maybe it has been of some relevance to you.

Otherwise for some, there would be no need to waste their time in reading this long letter that may seem like Bhakti Tirtha Swami's egocentricity.

.

I apologize if this may appear to be the case for some of you, however my

primary concerns were to share answers to questions that several of you

have asked.

Yours in service to Srila Prabhupada

With love

BTSwami

Vrindaranya Dasi - February 5, 2005 5:38 pm

Otherwise for some, there would be no need to waste their time in reading this long letter that may seem like Bhakti Tirtha Swami's egocentricity.

It is sad but true that some will think that answering allegations, as well as the more serious offense of having a personality, makes someone egocentric. Personally, I find his candor quite charming.

Brahma Dasa - February 7, 2005 6:11 pm

Dear Sangaeditor

I may send via yourself a letter of introduction to Swami so that he may know a little about myself. In the meantime i am reading everything on the sanga website and am finding much satisfaction and inspiration from such, your Gurudeva is very similair to my own. more soon

ys hari

Dear Haridas,

I am happy to hear that you are finding so much inspiration on the sanga website. Go ahead and send a letter of introduction to Swami through this address. He will receive it. Also I suggest that you become a member of tattva-viveka, Swami's internet discussion forum. You can do so on my recommendation and there is no charge to become a member. Just send a copy of this email, along with an introduction of yourself and your involvement in Krsna consciousness to Vrndaranya@mindspring.com She will guide you in becoming a member and give you more information on attaining the booklet- sri guru parampara, or any other books that you might want to purchase.

Feel free to contact me if I can be of further service to you. My name is Brahma Das. I first met your gurudev in perhaps 1973 when we bumped into one another in the parking lot of a shopping mall while distributing books. The next morning our two book distribution parties came together and he gave Bhagavatam class to the assembled devotees in one of the vans. I sensed immediately that he was an extraordinary devotee who would do much for the Krsna consciousness movement. Unfortunately I never had another opportunity to serve him directly but during my time in Iskcon (1972 to 1981) we knew each other quite well.

All the best, sangaeditor

Narada-kunda Dasi - February 8, 2005 5:42 pm

May we please know who the gurudev is?

Ken - February 9, 2005 4:05 am

Narada-kunda dasi,

I believe Brahma is referring to the writer's gurudeva, Bhakti-tirtha Swami.

Respectfully,

Ken

Brahma Dasa - February 9, 2005 8:48 pm

Sanga Question via Website

Question: Dear Swami Tripurari,

Thank you for your insights in The Bhagavad Gita-- Its feeling and philosophy. And I believe I am making progress on the path of devotion, with very far to go...I have been accepted by Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja, to take initiation but I am wondering,

If I know that I have committed actions of heavy consequence in this life, should I still seek initiation? Does my karma pass on to my guru--I don' want to be a burden-- or is it burned in the sacrificial fire? As an initiating guru, do you consider the lives aspirants have lived prior to initiation before you give initiation. I have asked this question of a few devotees around me...Is it doubting the efficacy of the Krishna Conscious process to question like this. I have verified with BT Swami in person that he will accept me (even though I have not been practicing the principles and regulations as long as recommended) but I have not discussed particular past events. As the date draws closer for initiation this concern pops up. By the time you read this I may have already received/taken initiation--or not...scheduled for weekend of Feb 24 during Vyasa Puja celebration in Gita Nagari. thank you for your loving example.

Dear *******,

The questions you posed in your letter have been addressed by Swami Tripurari in the following Sangas. Search the Sanga archives at www.swami.org for further information. You asked: If I know that I have committed actions of heavy consequence in this life, should I still seek initiation?

Swami wrote: "Whatever your past may have been, it has little bearing on your present life of spiritual culture, especially when any immoral acts performed were done so out of ignorance. In general no past is so dark that it can overshadow sincere spiritual practice, particularly that of chanting Krsna nama. We should not judge others by their past, but rather their present, and more so in terms of their future--their ideal. Make your ideal that of going back to Godhead."

Please read: Guilt and the Darkness of the Past

http://www.swami.org/sanga/archives/pages/..._five/m207.html

You asked: Does my karma pass on to my guru--I don' want to be a burden-- or is it burned in the sacrificial fire?

Swami wrote: "Although it is said that the guru takes the karma of the disciple, this means that the guru takes it away by engaging the disciple in sadhana bhakti and blessing him or her. Hearing and chanting about Krsna under the guidance of Sri Guru combined with the guru's grace destroys one's karma. Of the two, effort in sadhana and the grace of the guru, the latter is more important, linga bhuyastvat tad hi baliyah tad api (Vs.3.3.45). Thus the guru must have the power to bless the student and engage him or her in sadhana bhakti. Such a qualified guru does not have to experience the karma of the students in a Christ-like fashion."

Please read: Sri Guru: Free from Karma

http://www.swami.org/sanga/archives/pages/...e_six/m252.html

You asked: Is it doubting the efficacy of the Krishna Conscious process to question like this?

Reply: You are entitled to your doubts. According to Bhagavad Gita doubts arise in the mind due to its material conditioning. These doubts are addressed by transcendental knowledge received from Sri Guru and shastra. However doubts can only be completely cleared through spiritual practice because spiritual practice leads to spiritual experience. Spiritual experience is the ultimate proof. Therefore faith in Sri Guru and shastra is the qualification for initiation--not freedom from all doubt. If a person has enough faith to come under the guidance of Sri Guru and chant Krsna Nam they should take initiation.

Swami writes: "Relevant siksa follows diksa and thus doubts are cleared. But doubts are cleared more completely by experience than by siksa itself. This is what we want, tangible spiritual experience resulting from applying the siksa we receive to our spiritual practice. Spiritual practice (sadhana) in and of itself is not a purely rational act. While it is reasonable to suggest that one engage in spiritual practice, the act itself is transrational. Thus there is truly some magic in it as well as in the imparting of the mantra."

Please read: The Magic of Diksa:

http://www.swami.org/sanga/archives/pages/..._five/m222.html

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes, sangaeditor

Narada-kunda Dasi - February 10, 2005 6:10 pm

Narada-kunda dasi,

 

I believe Brahma is referring to the writer's gurudeva, Bhakti-tirtha Swami.

 

Respectfully,

Ken

Thank you, Ken. I'm kind of seeing most of the names for the first time. I guess a lot of the members of this forum know each other already...

Oh, it just dawned on me that a letter posted in the BTS thread would have something to do with BTS -- oops.

One's ego is dismantled on this forum in subtle yet powerful ways

Karnamrita Das - February 19, 2005 4:48 pm

This a transcript of a lecture by BTS at a grain ceremony for a child. It is very long, and perhaps you can read it in installments if you are interested. BTS speaks a lot as the title suggests about women; specifically about their strengths and how if they are properly nurtured then they pass those qualities on to their sons. If they are abused and not allowed to express their nature then the sons from such mothers cause so many problems in the world. An interesting topic for reflection.

I have great appreciation for BTS. I value him so much. At the same time, by reading and appreciated him, I also appreciate the wonderful contribution of our Audarya Swami even more. Our Swami shines even in an assembly of other swans. I am inspired by many devotees, yet some are more special to me than others. Who is best? The one that is best for you!

Karnam

Mother watches with Great Concern as we Misuse our

Free Will

2-12-05

So we have a welcoming and an appreciation that there

are so many new little souls who have come into the

community and as they go through their maturation, their

rites of passages, samskaras, we'd like to give our

blessings, our love and to be excited in great

anticipation as we observe these special souls enter into the

world and gradually grow. Community is so important,

especially as each generation is satisfied, protected,

cared for and guided. That's one of the significant

aspects of samskaras, rites of passages as people

normally refer to them, is that they remind us of what we

all should be doing and thinking about in terms of how

we are connected with each other. As the living

entities get older - of course the children are so small,

the babies we're going to give the first grains to

today. As we have these rites of passage from birth, to

vivaha, to marriage, to death, is that things that are

most important should never be done alone. It should

be done in celebration and should be done in such a

way that the greatest amount of blessings can be

associated with that person who is undergoing his or her

spiritual journey. Because really life is to prepare us

for a glorious death, or life is to prepare us for once

and for all getting out of material bodies and being

able to enter into the spiritual realm. So therefore

every accomplishment, every achievement, every aspect

of growth should really add to that. So in that sense

every real sense of growth is to be spiritual or to

enhance our spiritual life.

So in a little while after we give the

grain, I'm going to again continue sharing some

meditation from my newest book, "Die Before Dying." Today's

meditation will be a little different as it will be

relevant to our samskara. I'm going to give some special

attention to women or to mothers. I was talking to

one gurukula girl last week and she asked for blessings

for procreation, for bringing forth a new child. And

so I said no problem. What do you want, a boy or

girl? She said, "Another boy." And I thought how

interesting. Normally if you already have a boy you would

want a girl perhaps and I asked her why not a girl. I

think I even asked her. She said well it's harder to

find a husband for girls. And I was thinking I hope if

you do have 2 boys that you make them good men so that

they will be good husbands for which ever girls that

they choose.

But I also wondered to what degree it had to do with

acculturation or culturation due to the society that

we're in, because everyone knows that the men are the

most powerful. We have the money and we have the

weapons. In today's society, whoever has got the money and

the weapons, they have the power, right? They either

buy you out or they force you out. After all power of

course means everything. So we want to look at this

in a little while.

But first can we bring up the baby. The baby is

Revati ... Prema, Revati Prema. And she is the child of

Vrnda and also Gauravani. (gurudeva smiles and laughs

as he receives the baby) You can see mata also, huh.

There all here with you. This is the mother who is

taking the picture and the father. I think she wants to

give the lecture today. (laughter) She says I know

this guru. He's going to say some nice things about

women, huh. (laughter) She says but I don't know, it's

contradictory if he doesn't have a wife. (laughter)

So if he really thinks all these nice things about

women, why he doesn't have a partner? (laughter) What is

her age? Seven months now. (The baby makes some

noises) She definitely wants to speak. You want to say

something. Huh? So you're sitting at the microphone

... (more noises from the baby as gurudeva talks to her)

... you know how this thing works, huh. She said in

her last life she had a lot of chances to use these

things. (laughter) You have the grains. She's strong!

Oh my gosh!

You know the Bhagavatam mentions how the more core

qualities of the girl comes from the father, and the core

qualities of the boy comes from the mother. And so,

very distinct attributes and characteristics obviously

come from both parents, especially when the parents

are sharing and actually nurturing together. But

especially when it's a girl, some of the core qualities are

from the father. That means that she has a good ...

she's (inaudible)... she's ... (laughter) She's strong.

This will be the first time she's taken some grains,

solid food. Unbelievable. She said stop all of this

talking. Feed me! So the idea is that the priest

gives the first grain to the child and the first solid

food that she has which is blessed, and taken in the

assembly of Vaisnavas.

So many of the core qualities of the child will be in

relationship to mother and father, but very

significant is the father. She has a good father. She'll feel

a certain kind of security in her life, and if not

she'll be a feminist or hate men. (laughter) She'll

learn karate. She'll carry a grudge. (laughter) I think

I'm going to have to feed her soon. Haribol! Now

notice I'm trying to feed her, but she's trying to feed

herself. So you'll have a strong independent girl here.

She says well you're going to talk about the strength

of women, so therefore she has to show that women

don't have to fully depend on men even though they'll

pretend to. (laughter) Look at her. She's awesome. I've

never seen... she won't let it go. I'll give you some

more. Alright, okay. She says well he took it away.

Okay let me use this one more time, okay? (laughter

and clapping) Haribol. Okay. Jaya! Revati Prema ki!

Jaya! I want your blessings. She's just 7 months

old, huh. Thank you! I was just wondering how you guys

are so ugly, but produced such a wonderful, beautiful

girl. (laughter) Now I know you have mystic powers.

(laughter)

There's several things I want to discuss today. You

know these discussions have gone on a lot in terms of

the roles of men and women. And it's wonderful because

women and men are so diverse, diversified in so many

ways. And that's the beauty and that etiquette is

there. It should be honored, because you create synergy

based on diversity. Healthy diversity produces the

greatest productivity. When people are very similar

only, then of course they agree and they share something,

but something very special takes place when people are

able to have unity with diversity. It's because that

diversity will allow each one to bring something

special that if the unity is there, then they actually

compliment each other. It allows each person to be more

than what they would normally be with or by themselves.

And so much of marriage or relationships is to become

more whole or to have someone definite in your corner

who somehow shares similar values and someone who is a

team player - a formal team player. We all look for

friends, we look for associates, we look for mentors,

we need mentors to guide us. We need friends to be

able to confide in. Like we say in prti or the

principles of love is so much based on a friendship, an

intimacy, of being able to reveal your mind and to share your

mind. And people who don't have someone who is close

to them that they can share their minds to, they cheat

themselves because they minimize some of their

humanness, some of their wholeness, some of their

spirituality.

Those who agree with you or agree with me, they will

say certain things that will reinforce us, and that's

necessary and that helps. But where there are some

differences, but at the same time the nucleus is God, is

Krsna, the nucleus is love, then those differences

actually bring more variables - more things to evaluate,

to use, to share in being able to develop as a family,

as an institution, and as a world. So we don't want

to enter into a mindset of trying to be politically

correct where we see men and women as the same. No.

We're all the same in terms of propensities and nature of

the soul, but no 2 people are completely alike. The

conception that people are equal, you know, it's a nice

sentiment, but people are not - people are different.

And that's okay. In a team people are different, and

by recognizing that you can have an alignment where

people are doing different kinds of services and now you

have a better team. But if you try to get everyone

the same kind of job, the same kind of work, the same

kind of position, it doesn't work that way. And where a

setup is like that, it's going to deny just basic

qualities, it's going to deny adhikara, it's going to

deny, sadacara or healthy character, healthy potential in

terms of those being accessed.

So it's complex because normally the idea is, yes,

people are equal, good sentiment is like that and let's

work on that level, or people are different and the

tendency is to abuse those differences. But we want to

look at the idea of honoring heterogenity or

differences, and at the same time appreciating unity,

homogeneity, in realizing that as we have different qualities

and recognize those different qualities and we are

encouraged by those qualities, then everyone in the whole

community benefits.

I was saying how men are more powerful in today's

society because we control the money and we control the

weapons. And I was kind of joking, but it's also true.

I can give you a whole list - I mean just to be gross

and practical - ways that men are more superior. I

can give a list of how women are more superior. But

let's just look at that for a minute - get a sense of the

attributes and qualities. Some of these I shared at

Reverend _______ last year. I spoke to a really nice

group of women there. And in one of my books I

describe some of these things purposely.

And I'll start by asking you a question. Who's more

educated in America, men or women? If you look at who

attends the universities, more women attend

universities than men. Who lives longer in America and all over

the world, men or women? In America women live 6 to 8

years longer than the average man. Who has greater

visual perception, men or women? Who has a greater

sense of smell - this is all physiological, biological

science - women. In sickness - things like I'm dealing

now with cancer, and heart disease - who is more likely

to survive the same quality, depth, or chronic state

of a disease? Women. I mean if we go from how long

one lives, the survival rate at birth - women. So from

birth to death as we talk about the body in terms of

the smell, the touch, the taste, that women have been

proven to be stronger, to score higher in these areas.

So then what does it mean when we hear sometimes that

women are inferior, or what does it mean if women have

all of these qualities, why they don't control the

money and the weapons. You'll find that in most places

in the world, men dominate. Now obviously we find that

in most religious institutions and systems,

theologies, that men are to protect and provide, that they

should take a leading role. Now I mentioned 2 things:

leading and protection. Protection does mean that you

are to lead or that you are to be sensitive and

concerned about the dangers, and you are to sacrifice to see

that those dangers are not imposed on those who you are

protecting. Just like you have the FBI or CIA or

secret service or whatever, you have the president's

secret service agents, and so they are to be ready to

sacrifice. Even to the point - or you have a king or some

type of high level leader of that nature - that those

around are supposed to be eager, if it comes to it, to

sacrifice their own lives - if it comes to a situation

where it's them or the person that they are

protecting. And so they are in a position of influence and

power in the sense that they are to make themselves

available to see that whatever needs to be protected or what

goes on, goes on.

The Bhagavatam mentions that when elders, brahmanas,

cows, women, and children are not protected, not only

does the individual who doesn't do those things suffer,

but the whole society or community suffers - a shorter

lifespan, it opens up the door for so many different

kinds of social degradation. But at the same time, the

Bhagavatam says some of the core qualities of the men

are connected with the women. So that means that the

women have a tremendous responsibility, as they are

the major nurturers in most cases, to also try to train

up their sons as well as their daughters. And as they

show by their own example the power of nourishment and

chastity and allow their level of perseverance and

dedication - because women are supposed to be able to

endure more pain than men also and even more trauma in

that sense that when there is death, that women are

usually more stronger to deal with it. This is in most

cases because they have a stronger support system.

Now as these women also train up their sons, then

we'll have more men who will also be more sensitive to

being men and at the same time more sensitive toward

taking care of children and taking care of women. So many

men who have very serious issues with women can be

traced back to the relationship they had or have with

their mother. In some cases where men have had very

dominating mothers, they have serious issues with women.

Or in cases where men who have had mothers who weren't

there sufficiently for them, have serious trust issues

when it comes to dealing with women. We can share a

whole list of negatives. In other cases there are men

who have had mother and father, have had mother who

was encouraging, mother who was chaste, mother who was

nurturing, less likely will they be the kind of men who

will batter a woman, or less likely will they be the

type of men who will not protect their woman. And even

more than likely they are even going to look for a

partner or wife, or they are going to compare their

partner or wife with their mother. And they will be as

satisfied to the degree that the woman carries, shows or

radiates some of the qualities of his mother. And

even if he doesn't bring it up, he's going to be

constantly comparing her, "My mother did like this, and you

are doing like this; therefore there's something wrong

with you." And he'll feel dissatisfied. And where

there was an issue with the mother, when he sees her say

or do or act like the mother, internally he'll feel

very disturbed and sometimes unconsciously. So each

gender has a whole lot to do with the future generations,

because what we have imbibed and internalized is who

we are and what we are becoming, and of course what we

transmit.

In this same category of issues or points, let me read

this short list. Male births slightly outnumber

females - and there are many reasons for that, because some

people are more likely to abort their girls. But boys

have a higher death rate when born premature - 22% as

compared with 15% of girls. Overall, more newborn

males die than females, 5 to 4. Sudden Infant Death

Syndrome (SIDS) is 1.5 times more common in boys than

girls. Boys are 3 to 4 times as likely to be autistic.

Mental retardation affects 1.5 times as many boys as

girls. Dyslexia is diagnosed 2 to 3 times as often in

boys than in girls. Teenage boys die twice the rate of

girls. Boys age 15 to 19 are 5 times as likely to die

of homicide. Boys age 15 to 19 are 11 times as likely

to die by drowning. Maybe because they are more

adventurous in some ways. Boys age 16 to 19 are nearly

twice as likely to die from a car accident. I guess

behind the wheel they're a little more cocky. Men suffer

hearing loss twice the rate of women. Women of course

commit more suicides, and psychologically one of the

reasons that is shown is that the women feel less in

control in their lives. Among people 65 or older, men

account for 85% of the suicides. Women try to commit

suicide more, but men succeed more. Strokes, cancer,

diabetes, heart disease, and accidents kill men at a

higher rate than women. Three of the greatest

sicknesses, heart disease, diabetes, as well as cancer are more

likely when they attack the body to take the life of

the men more than the women. American men typically

die almost 6 years before women do. I think you see the

point here. By the age of 36, women outnumber men.

Men have fewer infection-fighting T-cells and thus also

have weaker immune systems than women. And it goes on

and on.

So if you look at the physicality from present day

science, in almost every area women are stronger. And as

we hear in the Bhagavatam that women are 9 times more

lusty than men. So that can be looked at in different

ways - that women are much more sexually powerful than

men. And that their energy level - as a sannyasi, we

don't discuss these things so much - but they're

propensities in sexual exchange is much more powerful,

enduring than men. So from birth to procreation to

longevity and so many things we see that women seem to have

a leverage in some ways. Now that also means having

so much power, if they use that power and channel that

power properly, then how society prospers. If they do

not use that power or if they abuse it, they become

powerful agents of destruction, of maya, maintaining

unhealthy material culture. And so most people, either

men or women, are actively ingrained in material

culture. And so therefore often the more power one has, the

more then they will use that in material culture, in

maya. So here we have again, sakti that is not

neutral. It's according to how it's used. If it's used in a

pious and divine way, then of course it is beneficial

for all. And where it is abused, then it creates lots

and lots of complexities, chaos and pandemonium.

So when that gurukula girl said that she wanted to

have another boy, I was thinking why. Of course everyone

has their own desires and that's her prerogative. But

since she asked me for blessings I was thinking if you

have a boy already, then why not have a girl? And I

thought yes, there's probably a lot of reasons and the

reason she mentioned is that it's harder to find a

husband. What she didn't say is that it's harder to find

a good husband, and I thought at the same time in our

own institution at least up to the last 2 or 3 years,

and it's probably the same now, there are more men

than women. And so then why should a girl in our

institution have trouble trying to find a husband when there

are more men? So what she is really saying is that,

"If I have a good girl, which I expect to have, I'm

going to have trouble finding a proper, good husband for

her." And so as the man has seemingly more freedom -

she didn't say I may have trouble having another boy

because may have trouble finding a good wife. But she

automatically knew that men have more freedom.

I was just thinking as I was showering today, when I

meet people, it doesn't matter who it is, I have a

tendency to smile at them - walking down the street, in an

elevator, airplane, you know just my tendency. You

know that's the way try to manipulate people (laughter).

Smile at the stewardess so she'll give me a good seat

(laughter). Or walking down the street or walking

down an alley. I was thinking now if I was in a female

body, would and could I afford to do the same thing?

And I was thinking probably not, because in so many

cases in smiling at some stranger - even smiling and some

people who you know - the tendency is that it can be

taken for more than what it is. A woman would have to

be careful like that. Just a simple thing as a

pleasant smile that more likely that someone could think,

"Oh, ah. She's interested in me," or "Here's an

opportunity." And make much more of it than what it is.

In today's society we all have to be careful where we

go and when we go places, but so many places that we

go and we travel alone that it would be more precarious

in a female's body. So a lot of it has to do with

lack of protection in society, and it has to do with the

- the Vedic sastra explains that we can really know a

community or society is very piously led and rulership

is very wonderful when a very attractive woman can

sleep just by a tree and not even have to worry about

being molested. There's practically no place in the

world where a woman can do that and not be in great fear.

One third of girls in America is sexually abused and

of course .... on all levels, ¼ or 1/5 of boys. And so

much of the abuse is directly from those who are

supposed to be the protectors. If you look at the kind of

scars that it puts on the women and you see this

tremendous cycle that goes on, and then it affects

parenting, it affects the relationship with her husband, it

affects her own sense of identity. And then that gets

propagated. So you have a situation where the mother

has all these phobias or problems, then it affects the

son, then the son takes it out on other women, and the

cycle just goes on and on.

So we're putting a certain edge on this discussion

obviously. We could share wonderful statistics about

men, but if we compare them we would we see that in most

areas women are more prominent. And you'll see that

the way that society is usually geared, if a woman has

the same abilities as a man she usually doesn't get

the same salary. She might have to work a little

harder. This is why some educators are against

co-education, because many statistics have shown that when girls

are trained with only girls, they excel better. And

then when they are with men, then certain things happen.

They become stimulated in certain ways. But society

is an integrated society and spiritual people do

associate, men and women, different races, different ethnic

groups, and different religions, because the diversity

is the world. And we need to learn how to deal with

and cope with diversity.

When we hear of Jesus and his parents, we hear more of

the position of Mary - such as in Catholicism. Hail

Mary, full of grace. It's understood that by the mercy

of mother Mary that one is now available for the mercy

of Jesus. When we think of so many of the childhood

pastimes of Krsna, we also find that there is more

prominence to mother Yasoda - Damodara lila, so many other

pastimes - even though Nanda Maharaja was first class

father. But we see the importance of the impact on

the male from the woman. Of course when we talk about

the Lord, when we talk about different incarnations and

avatars -it's a different category, but there is that

nara lila or the human aspect we can take notice of.

So of course we as men have a duty to try to protect

our daughters, our sisters, and our mothers. And as we

see women as mother and we see them as daughter, then

we have less likelihood to abuse and misuse them.

Someone who is outside of our own wife or whatever ...

(inaudible). But if we are able to do like that, then

how much we are able to come forth and to be able to

offer protection where then it allows women to be

healthy spiritual women. And where we do not do our part,

since we are the agents of control, or having more of

the agencies of control under us (inaudible) at this

time, then we also have to look at so many of the

problems that women may have are attributed to our own

lackings of setting the foundation, offering protection,

and being able to compliment where everyone is able to

benefit.

So I want to read from my meditation 8, that

emphasized certain things in relationship to motherhood and to

free will in relationship to sons. We all have free

will and with that free will we can say yes to

spiritual life. We can say yes to why we came here or we can

say no. The second to the last time I met Prabhupada

when we had that wonderful discussion and he embraced

me, one of the things he mentioned - or I mentioned

first - I said, if anything in my service has been good

it's only because of your forcing me, in terms of my

own prayers, and not to rely on my own intelligence, or

lack of it, or to pray that I'm guided and even forced

to do the right thing or to do what is necessary. So

I prayed to my spiritual master and to the Lord in

this way. I don't want only the mediocracy that can come

from whatever little power, influence that I have to

want - as we said the other day - more than law, we

want mercy.

And so I just said like that to my spiritual master,

the time before the last time that I saw him, and he

immediately replied and said, "Yes. Just as my

spiritual master forced me, I have forced you and that is how

the parampara system goes on." - meaning that the

teacher should not just allow the student to do what is

comfortable, but the teacher to challenge the student to

rise even beyond where they think that they can do.

And that brings loving pressure, loving force. It's

amazing what anyone can do when they are encouraged and

they are properly coached, and they are properly

guided. And it's amazing what anyone can do when those who

they have affection for feel that they can do

something of a high achievement, it somehow gives them some

empowerment. It actually ...(inaudible) ... the person

in so many ways.

So in this little discussion, we look at the position

of mother and the position of son in relationship to

the son using his free will. And these Beggar

meditations, I have written them for the public, religious

public, the pious, the Vaisnava community, but as much I

have written them for self-purification and

self-investigation. In my case I feel very fortunate that the

dominant person in my life, in a very nourishing way,

was my mother, and you know I was the baby in the

family. I had 4 sisters who were very much there and

supportive. And as I grew up I had a chance to listen to

their conversations and watch them and see how they

interact and I think understand a lot about what women

and girls go through. Now I'm pretty sure that if my

mother wasn't the kind of spiritual person she was - and

I've shared sometimes how she - I don't know one day

that my mother wasn't talking about God. She was

always praying intensely. She'd pray when she woke up,

she'd prayed when she ate, she'd make us all pray

whenever we'd come to visit her, when we'd leave we'd all

have to come together, I remember she prayed in bad

times, it was like she was always praying. And even though

she had little, she was always sharing and very eager

to share.

So obviously certain qualities that she possessed,

hopefully we were all able to imbibe some of those

qualities. Now if my mother was different, maybe you would

hear me speaking differently at this time right now -

"everybody take sannyasa; don't worry about women."

(laughter)

The title is: "Mother Watches with Great Concern as

we Misuse our Free Will"

"Mothers are very special for they are nurturers,

comforters and facilitators. They have a very special

relationship with their sons, their fathers have a very

special relationship with their daughters." Now where

the father is very balanced you'll see that the father

is also very nurturing and will extend himself more

than the normal, typical materialistic father. "The

Vedas explain that mothers normally make a great impact

on the personality of the son, and the father, a

greater impact on the core qualities of the daughter. Some

of the deeper personality traits of the son are in

connection with the mother, and the deeper traits of the

daughter are in connection with the father. There are

a lot of mothers in pain due to their own son or

someone else's son who has put them in anxiety. The wife

who is battered by her husband is suffering at the

hands of someone else's son. Her own son who gets angry

so fast and resorts to violence repeatedly puts her and

others in great anxiety. In spite of these tremendous

difficulties, the mother prays for everyone's

wellbeing.

"There is a mother out there whose son has been sent

to prison. When she goes to visit him and talks to him

through barriers, she cries due to the pain that she

feels and she studies his predicament. She wonders how

he could abuse his free will to such an extent.

"There is a mother out there whose son received so

much affection and attention throughout his life. As he

got older, she was so excited to watch him mature.

However after he entered adolescence, his entire

personality changed. At first he started coming home

intoxicated, hiding what he was doing and what was happening

to him. Later he did not even seem to notice his

intoxicated state or not. She wonders how her son could

abuse his free will to such an extent.

"There is a mother out there whose son has estranged

himself from his family. He is constantly rushing off

to join his friends and to go to various events. Even

when he agrees to come home for meals he's almost

never consistent. Whenever the family sits at the table

to eat, his seat normally remains vacant. Even when he

joins in on those rare occasions, he leaves after a

few minutes or comes at the end of the meal. The family

members especially the mother, so much want him to be

included in the family affairs. She wonders how her

son can abuse his free will to such an extent.

"There's a mother out there whose son has a chronic

physical disease. She's taken him to so many doctors

and healers, and although they each will say that they

can surely cure him from his sickness, it returns in

one form another. She sees so many other parents who

have healthy children, but her poor son is suffering so

tremendously. Her son often wonders why God has made

him and his mother so unfortunate. He of course is

suffering and because he is so angry, he tries to make

life miserable for everyone else as much as he can. He

often goes out of his way ..." - see sometimes to the

degree that someone is obnoxious is to the degree that

they are paining within themselves, or is the degree

that they are dysfunctional within themselves. Just

like we know that many of the abusers and child-abusers

that they have been abused themselves and some of what

comes out, some of what engenders this kind of

behavior is the pain that the individual is feeling within

him or herself.

"He often goes out of his way to inflict pain on

others. His mother is sympathetic to his sickness, but she

wonders how her son could abuse his free will to such

an extent. There's a mother out there who's son is

extremely depressed. Not only is he always sad, but he

seems to be most miserable when everyone else seems

happy and excited. He often complains to her about

bringing him into this miserable world." He frequently

speaks about committing suicide. He's tried to take his

life several times. His mother who loves him so much

wonders how her son could abuse his free will to such

an extent." One or 2 more, just a short reading. I

have to go to Gita Nagari in a little while.

"There is a Divine Mother out there who is most

nurturing and compassionate. She watches her son experience

anger and confusion. She's tries to remind her son

and daughters why and how they have been sent to this

material world. This is a very intense prison. Most

importantly she explains how to get out of this prison

of birth, death, disease, and old age, and to desire

once and for all. This mother is always concerned with

the unhealthy lifestyles of others. She is vigilant,

anxious for the return of her children. It intensely

disturbs her to see her children physically and

mentally sick. That greatest nurturing and comforting

mother is non other than the Divine Mother, Srimati

Radharani.

See in Vaisnava dharma, there is not just the Father

God. There is Mother and Father God, or there is God

who has manifested Himself in 2 aspects. If we think

of Krsna, God, being the sum total of all, aham

sarvasya prabhavo,mattah sarvam pravartate, iti matva

bhajante mam, budha bhava-samanvitah. All material and

spiritual things are ultimately coming from the Lord.

Everything emanates from Him and is resting upon Him like

pearls strung upon a thread, the Bhagavad-Gita

explains. So that means there cannot just be He-God. There

cannot just be the masculine aspect existing only.

But there must be the feminine and the masculine, just

like there cannot be just the feminine aspect. So the

hladini sakti or the feminine aspect of the Godhead is

Srimati Radharani. So that is the internal potency,

that is the pleasure potency, that is the ultimate

devotional potency. Just as in Catholicism one is praying

to Mother Mary for the blessings to be able to get the

mercy of Jesus, this is really a reflection of ancient

Vedic culture where one is praying through the agency

of Srimati Radharani to be able to be blessed by the

totality of Mother-Father-God, of Krsna.

And so that one must have the mercy of Lord

Nityananda, the original guru, without the mercy of Srimati

Radharani, the topmost devotee, to enter into Goloka, the

transcendental realm where there is the personal

reciprocal association with the Godhead. This is not where

one is entering into the heavenly state whre there is

some association with the Godhead as aisvarya, or the

prominent, dominant, autocratic mood of God the

controller and the ultimate annihilator. That is a certain

level of God-consciousness. Just like you respect

someone who has power and authority and there is

etiquette, but a more intimate relationship is when you put

that etiquette, power and position aside. The judge who

is in a very, very official position relegating and

determining people's life and death sentences,

imprisonment, and fines, etc. is to respected with a certain

etiquette in the court, and if not it can even be an

offense. And that is a relationship of appreciation.

But a more intimate relationship is the relationship

when the judge goes home and his little grandson or

granddaughter jumps on his back and rides him like a horse.

It's the same judge who has spent so many years in

studying, so many years in officiating, who is respected

and viewed in a very high position and gives out

sentences that affect peoples lives. But the granddaughter

or grandson is not thinking in those realms that this

is the judge and I shouldn't be on his back. As a

matter of fact, the grandchild even gives the judge a

slap on the back or the face, and the judge doesn't say,

"Guards take them away!" or fine them. But just the

opposite, the judge smiles and is excited that there is

this loving exchange with his grandson or

granddaughter.

So there is a level of God-consciousness where there

has been following of rules and regulations, of rules,

austerities, vratas, and vows and so many things. And

that is done ultimately to come to a level of

spontaneous love and service that is lawless, that is not

bound by the position of autocracy, or it's not by the

position of superiority in the sense of God as the top

controller, or where one does not even think of God as

the controller, but as their greatest friend, the

greatest lover, the greatest child, etc. There is vatsalya

rasa where one has a chance to have eternal service

with the Lord as a parent in the mood of being able to

be the parent of God. There is a level of

God-consciousness where one can act and serve as a friend of the

Lord, and there is a level that is quite profound,

esoteric, where one can be the lover of the Lord. And so

here, this position of the Greatest Mother, Srimati

Radharani, she personifies and represents the highest

exchange of loving service where there is the intimacy

of spiritual conjugal association.

So I will end with this. So we're looking at women in

general, we're looking at mothers and we were

engendered to speak on this particular meditation due to our

wonderful little girl that we had the chance to give

the grains to. And mainly as a way to draw attention to

all the amazing qualities girls and women have, but at

the same time how so much of that is abused, misused,

not understood, not allowed to flourish based on the

nature of material society. And everyone suffers

because of that. Just like if I have an issue with you or

I minimize your existence or I am exploitative or

prejudice, well, I'm also dehumanizing myself, because in

order to project that on you or to hold you down, I

have to hold myself down. I stagnate some of my own

self in trying to hold you down.

So where men are afraid of allowing women to express

themselves based on being women - now we're not saying

that women should do all the things that men do any

more than men should do all the things that women do.

No. We talked about the importance of diversity,

healthy diversity. Women should not give up there

femininity in order to try to cope with a world that's very

aggressive and also macho. Nor should they deny being

women and just decide well, you know, if I can't find a

man, I'll find a woman. There is a certain aspect of

the gay community because of that - a woman who is

battered, a woman who has had so many men who have

disappointed them, and the nurturing that comes from other

women and she finds herself being drawn in sexually and

other ways to women.

So in no way are we trying to campaign, minimize

etiquette, nor do we want to minimize the importance of

diversity or heterogeneity, but the opposite - that

diversity and heterogeneity are so important, especially

when it is honored by the culture of love. Then where

the differences are, then each person can be encouraged

in his or her service based on being able to give the

best of what they can offer. This is the significance

of the varnasrama dharma system. We're more

interested in daivi varnasrama, Bhagavata dharma. But the

varnasrama dharma system was geared - it was

stratification to allow people with different tendencies to be

recognized and encouraged based on those tendencies. Now

you can see that can be turned into caste system.

People can be forced and people can be imposed in certain

ways or they can be minimized based on something that

they have or don't have.

Just like now I would be considered handicapped since

the amputation and I can't walk, and so if you treat

me like I can walk, it would be unfair right now

because there are certain things I have to compensate for

because I'm not able to walk. That's just natural. And

so to minimize that, you minimize my existence at this

point. I mean in 2 or 3 weeks from now I'll be

dancing. But right now I'm in a certain state of being. So

it is important to recognize situations in order to

see how to assist, how to serve. If you tell me well,

Asian people, African people, European people are all

the same, and you see them as all the same, that's

crazy. People are different and they have different

propensities and tendencies. And as you recognize that,

without any kind of ill will, then you're able to

appreciate that person more, they'll appreciate you more,

and you're able to work more in terms of their

wellbeing.

So if someone is handicapped you recognize their

situation and then we are to arrange things based on that,

appreciating what they can do and what they can't do.

So there are certain things women do better than men

do, certain things men do better than women in some

categories. But it has been shown that when women and

men can compliment each other, everything becomes

better. For instance a man who has a good wife lives

longer. A woman who has a good man also lives even longer.

Now what to say of what they can bring together in

raising a child. Beyond a doubt, when one is only raised

by one parent, it is not the same. [No matter] how

good the man be in trying to be the father and the

mother, how good the mother may be in trying to be the

mother and the father, it is not the same, because the

child will be missing something from that experience.

And so how important it is if people are going to be

together that they're not just tolerating each other,

or that not just trying to compete with each other.

Sometimes you have a very sharp man, sharp woman and the

relationship is so much based on competition. And

then it becomes so incoherent because where they both

have so much to be able to give and to share for the

family, for the community, is practically sabotaging. Or

where one has talents and they're not encouraged to

use those talents -and in any case when something is not

used, it dries up. Or when it has a chance to be used

then there will be a big problem. So it's very

significant. And there will be more and more discussions in

our own institution and all around the world more and

more, the role of women and the role of men. [This

is] because there is a problem in just existence itself

in relationship. There is so much problem in man's

inhumanity to other men, and that inhumanity is

especially expressed on the less dominant so-called agencies,

children and women. So when men are so much

aggressive and exploitative toward each other, they are

naturally going to be as or even more exploitive toward women

and toward children. And when men have a better

relationship amongst themselves, then they will bring that

into all the environments that they associate in. And

that is also why it's also important for men to do men

things together sometimes and for women to do women

things. There are certain things that men are able to

give other men and helping them to be more whole. And

certain things women are able to give other women, so

that when they do come together as men and women that

they bring more of a wholeness into that environment.

So I'll end with this.

"The great nurturing and comforting mother is none

other than the Divine Mother Srimati Radharani. She is

the hladini sakti, the divine internal pleasure potency

of the Lord and the eternal Mother God of all

creation. See this Vaisnava dharma is so unusual that it

gives so much emphasis to the hladini sakti and the

topmost - if you can categorize - servants or devotees, are

known as the gopis, and they are in female expression.

Now I'm not bashing men. I'm very happy to be a man.

I love the perks I get from being a man and life has

been good being a man. But in how many other lifetimes

have I been a woman? How many lifetimes that men have

been women and women have been men? We've all been

thrown in and out of these bodies for constant stuff

that we have to learn.

And this is where it's extremely key: even in

spiritual communities where we have too many men who are not

sufficiently balanced, not only will they make what is

called Vaisnava aparadha, but it will be necessary in

their next life to come in a woman's body so they can

have to work out and experience certain things that

were not sufficiently understood, accepted, and

appreciated when they were in the other body. So it's very

significant in trying to go back to the Kingdom of God

for one to have a proper balance of the

masculine/feminine aspects of their own being. All of us have so

many masculine and feminine genes whether we are more

dominant as a male or as a female.

Notice the great saints and the great acaryas that a

tremendous balance - Prabhupada was so small in

stature, physiognomy. He was very short, at the same time he

was very, very powerful like a lion. And at the same

time he was very nurturing. Prabhupada emphasized

like a Bengali mother, like a Jewish mother, like an

Italian mother, etc. You know I have an African American,

I have an Italian side of my family, I have a Native

American side, so in many ways I was thinking about ...

(inaudible).

So our own integration is very significant for our own

spiritual success. As we are to be caretakers of

others that means that we also have a duty as stewards as

best as possible to try to live our lives and to

encourage others to be as balanced as possible. And when

not, then we should realize that we are in a suffering

condition, that someone else is cheating themselves by

not being sufficiently balanced.

Karnamrita Das - March 21, 2005 7:53 pm

Here is the latest news about BTS health. The fact that he is still is alive is amazing, and even more amazing is his attitude, and that he still gives classes inspite of it. It reminds me of Srila Prabhupada still translating practically up to the last moment.

Karnam

Sent: Sunday, March 20, 2005 6:28 AM

Subject: Bhakti Tirtha Swami Health Update

Dear devotees,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Gurudeva and Srila

Prabhupada.

As you know from the previous update, Gurudeva's cancer had somewhat flared

up in the lymph nodes and muscle in the left upper thigh area since the

festival.

Since the festival he has been continuing his intense treament programme

and a restricted diet as a means to slow down the cancer and potentially

facilitate one last visit to some yatras.

Gurudeva takes a lot of his medications via a catheter which inserts

directly into the left side of the heart. About 10 days ago Gurudeva

noticed that just above the catheter, he was experiencing some throbbing

and tenderness. This then progressed to a swelling over his left collar

bone a few days ago.

Thinking the cather may be infected, a few of us went to the hospital with

Gurudeva yesterday, with a view to having the catheter removed. The doctor

who took a look at the swelling wanted a scan to see what the swelling was

before he decided whether or not the catheter needed to come out. Whilst

waiting for some blood tests prior to the scan, Gurudeva went to support

his brief case with his left hand when the next thing he heard was a

'crack' and he suddenly jerked back in pain. Gurudeva was in a lot of

pain, the swelling had become bigger and he couldn't move his left arm

very well. In light of this, the scan was arranged for more quickly. We

were all very worried that Gurudeva may have broken something but no one

was prepared for what the scan found. It turned out that the swelling was

infact a bone tumour on the left collar bone as a result of the cancer

now having spread to the bones. The tumour had eaten away at so much of

the collarbone that only a thin layer of normal bone was left and this

is what had cracked. So the cancer is now in the lymph nodes, muscle

and bones. Gurudeva's left arm is now in a sling and it is unlikely it

will heal.

He currently has limited movement in the left side of the body due to the

fracture of the collarbone and his amputation. He feels that he is going

to leave much sooner than we all expected or hoped for. He has cut down

on lot of his previous treatments but is continuing with a few simple

things to try and slow down the cancer in order to settle a few loose

ends.

Gurudeva gave a beautiful and powerful class today in DC from his new

book Beggar 4 - Die before Dying, which will be available in 6 weeks.

The class will be available to listen to on monday on www.btswami.com

Gurudeva's internal meditation has become very deep and his expressions

of humility are heart rendering. His main concern after the news was that

he didn't want to be burden or disturbance to anyone. He has so much deep

love for everyone but he is concerned that many of us will have a lot of

difficulties in our devotional lives during and after this transitition.

If we can try and take shelter of each other and ISKCON as a whole more,

shelter of the holy names more deeply and co operate with each other

better, this would please him very much. Gurudeva was saying in class

today that the best way to keep anyone alive is by following their

instructions and exemplifying their teachings not just individually but

also as a community.

We thank you all for your continuing instense prayers and love - they

are much needed at this time

Yours in the Service of Guru and Gauranga

With Love

Your aspiring Servant

Citi-Sakti Devi Dasi

Karnamrita Das - April 2, 2005 6:10 pm

It is hard to imagine how BTS is still functioning. From the looks of it his departure is imminent, but then he has already defied the odds. When Krishna desires.

Here is the latest:

Dear Devotees

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Gurudeva and Srila Prabhupada.

Since the last report Gurudeva's cancer had continued to spread rapidly. Just within the last two weeks he has developed multiple, rapidly growing tumours in the residual limb and a tumour in the cervical spine. The tumours in the left thigh and in the left collar bone continue to enlarge. We suspect that there may also be some activity in the liver. He is confined to his room most of the time due to movement being restricted on the left side of the body and is either in his bed or in his chair which requires the assistance of Dhruva Maharaja or Ekavira prabhus. He is also losing his apetite and can only sleep for an hour at a time during the night. Whats amazing is that he hasn't taken a single pain killer yet and looking at him you would think that everything I've just said is in referance to someone else! He remains effulgent and strong in his voice and presence. He is continuing with Rife, Ozone and B17 therapies along with various nutritional formulations for palliative purposes which are really hard work for him, what to speak of the fact that he is continuing to read his emails, although he answers very few. He has been meeting with various Godbrothers and Godsisters and a few of his disciples and well wishers have been coming to read to him here in Washington DC. Gurudeva even managed to make it to Potomac temple in a wheelchair for Gaura Purnima last friday and gave a wonderful class with H.H. Indrayumna Swami. We are realising more and more each day how not only has Gurudeva taught us how to live but is also teaching us all how to die - on the battlefield! One out of many examples of this is a couple of weeks back when we went to give him his emails, we found him appearing to be totally weak, drained and feeling very nauseous. When we suggested that he should maybe leave the emails until the next day he simply smiled, chuckled and said 'no I'll do them now. I want to die on the battlefield!'

Gurudeva went to see the cancer specialists today and also the team dealing with his prosthesis. The cancer specialists just confirmed what we already knew, that there is nothing that can be offered at this stage which is curative but there are measures which can be taken to make the process less painful and uncomfortable.

We will be leaving for Gita Nagari tomorrow and I will keep you updated as things progress.

Gurudeva will be sharing another one of his meditations from Beggar 4 at the Sunday Feast lecture in a couple of days so keep an ear out for this on www.btswami.com on monday evening.

Yours in the Service of Guru and Gauranga

With Love

Your aspiring Servant

Citi-Sakti Devi Dasi

Haridas.bts - April 9, 2005 10:12 am

here is the last every letter that BTSwami will send to his disciples.

MAharaja is near to leaving his body, his samadhi is being built right now and

some of his godbrothers are coming this weekend to see him.

ys

hari das

Dear Disciples and well wishers

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I want to apologise, as I won't be able to travel to visit any of you in your various temples and projects. The cancer is spreading everyday. The tumours in my body are also getting larger everyday. My main personal caretaker at this time in addressing issues with my body is Dhruva Maharaja Dasa from S. Africa, he literally sleeps in the room with me every night. I am waking up about every hour and a half. I am not able to get up on my own to go to the bathroom so I have to be wheelchaired into the bathroom. He and Ekavira also have to bathe me each day. In many ways I've become fully an invalid, as some caretakers have to be with me at every moment of the day. We're seeing externally the tumours are getting bigger and we can understand that internally the cancer is gradually spreading all over the body with tremendous vigour. Now I'm mainly doing some treatments to try to minimise and dull the pain. At this point I could have weeks or (I’m so stubborn) still a few months. However, I really don't see how the soul will be able to stay in this body for months due to its rapid deterioration. Even though I'm still giving the classes once a week, which I hope you're all listening to, it has become so hard for me. On Sunday just driving from Institute house to the temple on the bumpy road in Gita Nagari, I felt like my already cancerous and damaged collar bone was going to fully break. It also felt as if my head and neck were too heavy for my shoulders and chest. At the same time however, I am dying on the battle field. Three days ago I did a one hour live radio show over the telephone and yesterday morning devotees managed to prop me up and dress me very nicely to make a recording for the Oprah Winfrey show. It seems that we have an angle to share with millions of people around the world who watch the show. Let us see if she picks up on this before I depart. It doesn't really matter, as the message has already been recorded, as well as the fact that my life has been my message in the rather unique way that I served Srila Prabhupada's mission.

For those who have received formal recommendations, I will start chanting on your beads next week. To save time we have purchased the beads on this side and once they're chanted on we will send them to you. We will post the new names of the first initiates and a list of the second initiates on www.btswami.com and they should later be posted on all the other foreign websites. For those who have been accepted for 2nd initiation, you will have to have a siksa or authority in you area who is a brahmin, to give you the mantra on my behalf (and the thread for men). This authority should explain to you all that is necessary for chanting the mantra. You will also receive a MP3 (on CD) of a short class I gave to the 2nd initiates in Gita Nagari about chanting Gayatri, but first you must hear the mantra in your right ear from someone in your area who makes a connection with you on my behalf.

Now the question is why am I at this time ready to take more disciples when I am leaving in a short time and won't see 99% of you again in this lifetime other than if I appear to you via visions, dreams or sound etc. I have prayed over this and my initial feelings were that since I cannot physically visit your places, I should just accept it as Krsna's mercy and request you all to take shelter elsewhere. However, I am feeling my higher self is now dictating that yes I should encourage you all, even those of you who are already initiated, to find formal siksa with other leaders and devotees. But since most of you are so deeply connected with me in the heart and some even have connected with me from a previous life, I want to do what I can in this short time to connect you with the parampara and to accept your ongoing love and devotion to me which I then pass on to my own guru. So I cannot tell you no, I will not pass on your dedication and love to Srila Prabhupada as I must deliver whatever's necessary as his disciple, envoy and ambassador. Can you imagine in one sense, how difficult it is with all the physical complexities I am having, after being such an active person for almost my whole life. None of you can fully imagine how joyful and happy I am about how my impending death has had, and is having an impact on the international community. It is not only those in the ISKCON community or those just in the vaisnava communities but, also so many of the people who are connected with nama hattas, workshops and seminars that I've given in many other pious communities. So when I do finally leave, by the mercy of my guru, perhaps I will be able to return back to the spiritual world with great happiness, knowing that my little service on this planet has pretty much been carried out successfully based on my commission. So I want all of you now to fully accept that I have left, and just see any additional days, weeks etc as a special arrangement in bringing last closure to my little efforts to raise global consciousness. I will also begin to nourish my internal life more even though I chose to die active here in the west, on the battlefield. We really cannot join the residents of the spiritual world unless we are ready, or have become like them. So you can imagine I've got a whole lot of work to do in a short time. Don't worry; my books will have more impact after I leave, even though there are already 17 books being translated into 15 different languages. Those who know me closely know that I don't have any serious qualifications in any area but miracles have always happened around me, even to the point that I began to expect them. In other words, there are many things I have somehow been able to do, which I know were far beyond my rational power and influence. The biography of my life that was written two years ago by a writer and disciple of Jayapataka Swami in Russian will come out in English at some point. I think the biography will increase your faith in Srila Prabhupada more. Just as the life of so many of our senior devotees, when fully shared, will show how they were brought to this mission so miraculously, what to say of their many awesome accomplishments. They are the real heroes. The difference between me and them, is that I was always upfront and often announcing or informing the vaisnava community of some of my achievements. I've always been spoiled and I've always found ways to get love and distribute love. Just look at my situation now. I will not and cannot die quietly. I will be receiving love and affection until I take my last breath. Thank you all so much for your love. Yes, I continue to repeat, 'I am blessed by the best and will never settle for anything less, and I'm just waiting to pass a few more tests'. But I'll only be able to pass these last tests as you send more of your love and as you show more determination to do more on your own part in making sacrifices for others. I will live on in such a wonderful way through my disciples, especially those rare disciples who will be 'love in action' as they interact as sweet sadhus in their various communities. What a wonderful life I've had and what a wonderful death I'm approaching. So upon reading this letter I request that you intellectually accept that the entity that you knew in this present and physical form is eternal but has already departed. I will not be personally answering anymore emails from disciples. If you send an email to me there's a chance that it'll be read to me and some of my caretakers will answer on my behalf. I will of course be answering emails from my God brothers, God sisters, leaders from other traditions who are in touch with me and those connected with the harinama press work in different countries. The next 4 books that will come out; Beggar 4 - Die before Dying, which will be ready in 3 weeks , Spiritual Warrior 6-a book on terrorism, war, fanaticism, sectarianism and the peace solution, Reflections 5 - 64 principles for developing a sound vaisnava community by Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur, my little book on aparadhas and then my last book on surrender will all basically conclude the major messages that I wanted to share, in helping to bring about some national and international transformation. Some of the things that I have done in this lifetime, I have done in previous lives. So some things were just destined to happen in certain ways. Even the minority body that I've appeared in, in this lifetime has been given as a special asset for my services. I had a lot of fun, I raised a lot of hell, and oops...... I will keep doing it until the helpers who come for me tell me 'maharaja, you no longer have to deal with negativities. Your work now is all blissful loving service.' Next time when they come I will not procrastinate. Everything that needed to be said by me or done by me has all been done. Can you believe, I've even helped pick out my own samadhi and all the stuff that comes with it! I want even the arrangements for my remains to be upbeat. What can I say.......I am outrageous as a god brother, as a member of my biological family, as a disciple and as a spiritual master. Maybe Lord Nityananda and some of his cowherd boys gave me kick in head as i was leaving home : ) So what can I do? I refuse to take all the blame for my outrageousness. When the full biography comes out and when some of you later visit the museum that’s being set up, and you see all the outrageous clothes, crowns, canes and the volumes of books that I used as references, you will realise its amazing how I appeared to be as sane as I did. But I guess there's some value in being insane in a world where the norms are down right expressions of insanity. So no time to waste just keep sending the love. Yes, I know you love me but I love you all three times as much. I will find some ways to show you this even more after I have departed.

Yours in Srila Prabhupada's Service

With Love

Previously known as John Favours, Ghanasyama, Swami Krsnapada,Bhakti Tirtha Swami

Babhru Das - April 10, 2005 5:02 am

Thanks, Haridas, for sharing this with us. I think we need to plan for a big kirtan and feast here on the Big Island.

Vrindaranya Dasi - April 10, 2005 11:46 am

Maharaja really exemplifies what we were discussing about how humility and confidence go together. I'm so grateful that his letters have been posted here on Tattva-viveka. What an amazing soul!

Haridas.bts - April 11, 2005 10:58 am

it is wonderful and inspiring to see how disciples of your Gurudeva and mine are

glorifying each others Guru and each other. This is true unity in diversity(although i do not sense much diversity).

Vaisnavas are vaisnavas-all wear kanthi mala and chant on Tulasi japa mala-same uniform-same faith-same path- so we are the same.

It is a shame that sectarianism has been prominent in some organizations-these are scare tactics to keep members in.

People should stay in something out of love-not fear, is it not?

Fear is not a positive emotion-where there is fear-there is no love.

It is hard for many to stay in iskcon due to this-but BTSwami has instructed that we have to make the change happen-first within ourselves. When we sort our own problems out then we can make a start on other buildings. Foundations have been broken need to be rebuilt unfortunatly.

thanx again

hari

Haridas.bts - April 20, 2005 11:07 am

please find below the latest letter from BTSwami, also below that is a transcribed class-hope it is of some inspiration. It is quite long so maybe it could be printed out

ys

hari

Dear Maharajas, prabhus and disciples

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

I am like the ground hog that lives in the ground and every now and then he pokes his head out of the ground. I am like the guy who’s being stubborn about death, who every now and then sticks his head out (just like the groundhog) and tries to share something. I’ve had so many realisations in these last few months and there is no fun in trying to keep them to myself. For instance, every time a god brother or god sister came to visit me I would pray to Srila Prabhupada to allow me to say something to help inspire that devotee in the continuation of their services. In cases where Srila Prabhupada revealed an issue to me that the devotee needed to work on, I would try to offer some hopefully, humble advice. I learnt so much from all the devotees that came and they’re still writing to me. Hopefully I shared something that helped them in various ways. Now that I am getting closer to death I am beginning to look closer at my whole life. I see a pattern, as I was always praying to be forced by Srila Prabhupada to do what was necessary in his service - I can see that I was forced by so much mercy.

As a matter of fact the very last time I met Srila Prabhupada was when he came to England and he was on his way to Gita-Nagari. I was distributing his books in the then communist countries at that time. Most of you know the story…….. When he heard I was there, he immediately had Upendra and His Holiness Tamal Krsna Maharaja bring me in to see him. His Grace Krsna Ksetra prabhu and a Hungarian Swami (who later left his body in a car accident) came in with me. Srila Prabhupada motioned for me to come closer to the table where he was sitting. I came closer and he then motioned for me to come around his table. At that point he started rubbing my head and with tears in his eyes, he embraced me and said, “Your life is successful.” We spoke a few words more together, but the main thing I remember is I said, “Srila Prabhupada, if there is anything I have done to please you, it is because you have forced me.” Even in his weak state his eyes got big and he said, “Yes! Just as my Guru Maharaja forced me, I have forced you, and this is how the parampara system goes on.” So this is the essence of my first realization, that we want to be forced by the spiritual master. Our own intelligence, realizations, and conceptions will always have some imperfections, but as we position ourselves to be forced, even though we may have some temporary set backs, confusion, issues, and make mistakes, we will be pushed forward or even pulled forward in such a way that ultimately we will stay on track.

I was always confused about what Srila Prabhupada meant when he said that my life was successful. After all, I was and perhaps even now, am full of gross and subtle attachments. I have never heard Krishna’s ankle bells, nor have I heard his flute, although, like many of you, in special moments, I have been given special darsanas. I feel I have received quite a share of special darsanas. Even where once Sanatana and Jiva Goswami introduced me to Lord Chaitanya for a moment. Anyway, my point is not to talk about these kinds of darsanas. The point is what did Srila Prabhupada mean by that statement? It is only in the last few weeks that I have fully understood it. Let me share this with you. The nature of my own sadhana and the status of my adhikara are such that I would never have the qualifications to go back to godhead for who knows, maybe hundreds and thousands of years. But, you see for months, thousands of you have been praying for me, thinking of me, and sending me intense love, therefore it is all of you who have given me a status far beyond my qualification. Everything has been arranged for me to go back to the spiritual world after I give up this body. How is this happening? Firstly by the unlimited mercy of Srila Prabhupada and also by the mercy of all of you. So it seems that when he embraced me and said, “Your life is successful”. What he was really saying was, because I have given special mercy to you, you will have a glorious death. After all what is life for a Vaisnava other than to leave the body successfully? So, I am indebted to all of you because it is by all of your mercy a candala like me is receiving such blessings. Krishna responds to the prayers of his devotees, most of you prayed for me to stay even though I asked you not to. My understanding is that those prayers were accepted for something even higher. Can you imagine how joyful I am, and yet at the same time how sad I am for so few devotees, or people, are likely to get this kind of send off? But it doesn’t have to be that way. For instance, we should try to see how to facilitate the devotees with the least status in our society. Wouldn’t it be amazing if every time a devotee left their body, practically the whole Vaisnava community around the world would send their love? Eventually it should come to this. You see, every time a devotee leaves it is a special entity who has given their life along with each of us giving our lives to raise the consciousness on the planet. It is such a graduation that it should be natural that all or as many as possible should celebrate this graduation.

Even a few years ago when I had the first operation on my prostate, devotees around the world prayed for me at that time also. So even then the prayers did not lead to a successful operation. The initial success was that there were no complications, but 6 months later the same problem came back. Then years later when I got the cancer, new problems came forth and the old prostate problem joined the team and got worse. Both cases are so unusual. So many prayers were directed for a successful operation and the majority of the prayers were so that I could be allowed to stay on the planet for longer. Of course those who prayed that whatever the desire of Krishna and Srila Prabhupada was should happen, we can say that either your prayers were stronger or that all of your prayers were strong, but weren’t so much for the strength or rejuvenation of the physical body, but were to give love, strength, and protection to my consciousness. This is why I send out this message today. I want to offer my heartfelt thanks to the entire Vaisnava community, my family, well wishers and members of other faith communities that I have had an impact on. Whilst seemingly your prayers are focusing on my rapidly deteriorating body, your prayers have done something much more wonderful. You have given strength protection and nourishment to my soul. Actually I am amazed at how the soul is still tolerating the physical me. I am sure that the soul is also waiting for me to stop poking my head up like a groundhog, and finally lay down and give up the body. This I am ready to do, after all, I am somewhat torturing myself by staying longer in this body. There are still a few more of you I think I can help. This is not arrogance this is due to the powerful nature of how we are all connected by Srila Prabhupada’s mercy. It is simply that right now, Srila Prabhupada is using me (as he will use all of us) to send certain messages of comfort, perseverance and determination, to so many of his children, grand-children, and great-grandchildren, who he loves so dearly. Now I think you can all understand my mantra a little better, “I am blessed by the best, I will not settle for anything less, and I am now preparing to pass the final test.” You are the best, and you have blessed me. I am not ready to settle for anything less than your wonderful prayers and love. So as I keep repeating this mantra I want you to keep continuing to pray for me and bless me on as I have to deal with the final test of departure.

Yours in Srila Prabhupada’s Service

With Love

Bhakti Tirtha Swami

“I am a Survivor”

His Holiness Bhakti Tirtha Swami

March 26, 2005

I’m so happy. Yesterday – I actually didn’t know – since I came into the temple yard that you were back. Anuttama is back. Rukmini is here. And I’m so delighted to hear that Laxmimoni is coming all the way from Alachua and that my wonderful guard, protector, Malati Devi Dasi (laughter). I have so many special godbrothers and godsisters. When I think of devotees that are very dear to me like Yamuna and Dina Taruni, I think of Malati and Laxmi. And so I was thinking maybe they were coming. You know they’re my big godsisters and they keep me in line. So every now and then they send me a line. “Okay Swami, what’s up.” (laughter) So I think Laxmi had to come to see is this guy really dying (laughter). You know I do all kinds of tricks to preach. So maybe I’m doing a maha-trick (laughter). So I got people thinking that I’m leaving the body and all of a sudden I jump out of all of this. But by all so-called rational arrangements I’m leaving. Actually the doctors are shocked that I haven’t left already, given the degree of melanoma cancer that I have.

Forgive me for bringing us all up here, but at the same time you have a chance to have darsan of my deities. I hadn’t come downstairs in quite a while. Yesterday was quite an experience, but I was determined to come for the festival [Gaura Purnima at Potomac Temple].

Prabhu? We need a chair for you. Please. Someone is going to have to give him a chair. You can come in. Yes. Many of us have a little sickness these days.

So we – I was talking about how we have different ways to preach – just like now. We’re not having you sign any release, so you forgive us again. What you’re doing now is being televised. We’re going into our 91/2, 10 year television show. And so these Saturday programs, they do 5 things or so. I guess 4 or 5. We use this for our weekly television programs. We also are putting it on the websites, and therefore devotees, wellwishers or anyone who wants to tune in hears the message, it’s then transcribed – particularly for the Ukraine and Russian disciples of mine – and then it’s translated into Russian. And more important is the – or as important for me at least – is that this is perhaps the last book that I’m writing. My writing is mainly for self-purification as well as to try to share something. So these are readings from the book Die Before Dying, and the devotees are trying and it looks like that they are pretty much on target.

I was asking for a seat for Subala. Subala again looks healthier than he is, but he’s had so many transplants and sugar diabetes. Are you okay? Alright. He’s one of our – actually he’s one of the anchor devotees - Aja, Krpa, and Lila Katha, I don’t think any of them are here, with the book writing, and so I asked them, I said, “You know, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to attend any of the programs, but I’m planning to try as best as possible.” I want to come to New Vrndavana. I’m invited to do a program in Houston and Dallas. I want to do a course, a little seminar on grieving with the idea of trying to help myself, help the well-wishers and help the disciples of Tamal Krishna Maharaja. Because grieving has many stages, and when you lose your father, mother or spiritual master, especially when it’s very abrupt, it takes a while, really a while to process it. Sometimes people are afraid to deal with their grieving and they get stuck at certain stages. At other times there are not sufficient support systems, or there is lack of – as Vaisnavas sometimes we don’t want to go to emotions so much, even though Vaisnava bhakti is the reservoir of emotions as we have to remove from anartha nvrtti. But of course there are emotions that are directed toward the soul and toward spiritual aspects are not a matter of lamenting because of material concerns.

Just like my 2 godsisters here. You know at one point I just started writing all my letters with “yours in Srila Prabhupada’s service, with love.” Now this is a little unorthodox (laughter). A sannyasi writing like this and what to say writing to his godsisters also? (laughter) Yours in Prabhupada’s service with love – writing love letters (lots of laughter). Although practically every letter a guru gets is a love letter (laughter), it doesn’t matter who it comes from. “Oh dear Gurumaharaja, I’ve been thinking of you. I’ve meditating on your lotus eyes (lots of laughter). My heart is fully for you. As a matter of fact, whatever you desire, just let me know (laughter). My body, my mind, my soul is all for you (laughter). Not only in this lifetime but next lifetime also.” The secretaries of the gurus, I don’t know how they deal with it (laughter). They get all these letters. Then the next day there is such-and-such das and such-and-such dasi jumping up, “Oh Gurumaharaja! (laughter) I’m the one who wrote the letter to you.”

Anyway we want to access love that is from the heart. We don’t want to have the hrdi lobha or hrd-roga, weakness of the heart or disease of the heart. But bhakti is of the heart. So I was writing these letters and my best wellwishers were wondering what’s happening to the swami. Is he going to be the next one to get married or something? (laughter) I tried to explain in my own way that I wanted to remind us all that Prabhupada’s service should be done lovingly and that our movement is bhakti and trying to reach Bhagavan through being in bhaktas and all of this is the culture of love. But it’s also to help me with my own impersonal perceptions and to think that each devotee is a chance to serve Krsna, a chance to serve to guru. And just as the guru is to think each disciple is an aspect of his own guru that has appeared in multifold way so that he can be able to serve his guru in disguise in such ways.

So I wanted to continue as we’ve tried – and I’ll try to make it a little shorter because if possible I would like some of our – your uncles and aunties to share something or if they could answer your questions. Let’s see how fast I can move through this. We have a certain amount of time for the deities. I’ll have to use most of that time. But I’m going to read a kind of ambiguous meditation this time called, “I am a Survivor.” Now each of these meditations were done as I’m experiencing this terminal illness. Most of them were in Mexico when I was in the clinic, and then when I was involved in Hawaii – in and out of the hospital in emergency and going through treatments. So I would write the meditation according to what was happening at that time, mainly with the idea of trying to prepare myself for the transition and the utilitarian that I am, to see how I could use death or use this experience to share something considering that I want to die on the battlefield. And one of the best ways to do that is to keep working on self-purification and also to keep crying out and to share some of that.

So this book – and they’re going to have it ready. We’re praying and I think they’re on time so that when I come to New Vrndavan I’ll be able to make the book available and I’m going to do my course – is this the book? It’s ready for us now? Okay. I (inaudible) in front of my deities that the book will be ready. So they’re bringing it now and they’re working on the last lay out now and it goes to the printer. So I’ll do my course then on a similar topic, “Die before Dying.” It may very well be my last class. What a nice place to give that kind of class at.

So there are different meditations that we’ve been trying to share, a different one each Saturday. And today, after coming back last night from the temple, I was thinking which meditation will I share? And I was just reflecting on how some of my caretakers, they have been really trying for quite a while in many, many ways, you know. We’ve tried so many different modalities, so many different protocols. And basically anything that somebody suggests to us now – it doesn’t matter what part of the world because devotees have been so kind and researching and presenting things. And sometimes we’re not answering as much but devotees should know it’s because we’ve actually tried all of these things and at least a half-a-dozen of them could have worked or may have worked but when it is one’s time then it is the time. What is it? Rake Krsna mare ke, mare Krsna rake ke, is that when Krsna wants someone to go, you go, and when Krsna wants someone to stay, you stay. When your guru is calling you for service, you don’t say well hold a minute. Why don’t you wait another 10 years. (laughter) Hey gurumaharaja I mean I’m too busy doing something else you know. I’m so busy serving you, I don’t have time to serve you.” So be okay with that you know. So I think up until very recently ... Prabhupada had not made a decision. Now I feel he’s made the decision. It’s just a matter now of how soon “soon” is. And soon in material time is different from spiritual time, so I see that I could be leaving in weeks or could be leaving in a few months or if I keep trying to do something in the body a little longer, then maybe he’ll let me stay here a little longer just to bring closure in a few ways. But pretty much after next week, other than a few seminars and things that I won’t be so much thinking about this identity – Bhakti Tirtha, the previous John Favors, Ghanasyam, Swami Krsnapada. That’s something of the past now.

Vrajalila: Excuse me Gurumaharaja can some of the devotees go in a little closer to you?

Gurudeva: I think it will be a problem but you can try. Can we try? There’s a monitor there.

Vrajalila: There’s some people standing on the steps.

Gurudeva: Devotees, if they can come in from the steps. But if they can stand in the hall, perhaps they can see the monitor. We can try. Please. Again I’m sorry to pack us all in like this. Okay. I think I still should have let them try to carry me down – so many people here.

So we want to speak on “I am a Survivor.” Now there’s the BTSwami.com and ifast.net, some of the different conferences – especially with my disciples. Russian conference, Spanish conference, etc. I don’t of course participate in any of those conferences, even the one’s in English, but every now somebody updates me with something that’s being said. So the other day somebody told me something funny. Someone said, “Almost every class you give, you’re crying.” So 1or 2 disciples or some were wondering, maybe that’s a sign that gurumaharaja really doesn’t want to go. Maybe it’s a sign he’s afraid to leave. Basically as devotees we’re not afraid of death. We may have our own idea of when we’re supposed to go or how we want to go (laughter). I mean I don’t think I would have chosen to go by cancer (laughter), but no, my heart chakra is opened up and – just like even last night when I was seeing devotees I was just doing everything to avoid crying. So the sentiments are there and it’s not a matter of being sad that I’m sick. This is a very exciting experience. It’s cumbersome. You know they have to pick me up, carry me to the bathroom, they have to bathe me now, and this side

Babhru Das - April 20, 2005 5:02 pm

I got this in an email this morning:

Dear Maharaja's and Prabhus

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

The last few months have been so wonderful with so many of you coming to visit me. But now it seems my body is breaking down so much faster and I am finding that I am able to connect better with leaders, godbrothers and godsisters by email or over the phone. For most of the day I'm so 'out of it' and after a visit from leaders I find that I practically collapse. Although I want to die on the battlefield, I am also trying to see how to conserve any energy I have to increase the number of weeks I have on the planet and the number of devotees I can connect with. The bigger issue is that I can feel all your love and affection so much through your phone calls and letters. Also, to be honest I prefer for you to remember me as you last saw me . This debilitated body is just nasty business. I am an invalid now, my caretakers have to pick me up, take me to the bathroom, bathe me and I can't sleep, I only doze for about an hour at a time. They even have to turn me every few hours and I have no appetite. I have started radiation therapy which won't increase my life expectancy by even a day but hopefully it will shrink the tumours and minimise the pain. So I am in the clinic for 5 days a week for treatment and then when I come back I do some other treatments to help reduce the discomfort. Since we've been having so many visitors and I try and spend 2 hours and sometimes more with each of them, it seems that I have overworked myself. So I will send out one or two more communications later, especially when I feel that I am down to only a few more days. I thank all of you for your consideration, compassion and love for this wretched soul.

Yours in Srila Prabhupada's Service

With Love

Bhakti Tirtha Swami

PS: This is also the time that I must put more energy into nourishing my internal life and acceptancce of my new identity. It seems that minimising so many of the external associations and activities will allow me to move a little faster out of the Bhakti Tirtha Swami identity.

Radhanama Dasa - April 27, 2005 8:28 am

Dear Maharajas, Prabhus and disciples

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

This is probably the penultimate special message of wisdom from the ground hog aka the beggar aka spiritual warrior. So let this prepare you for the ultimate message. (smile) You can see that this kind of communication that I am doing must actually come to a stop. Firstly because it is natural, for I definitely have to get out of this body sometime in the near future, but also because if I am not careful, this sort of communication could become my biggest failure. Just consider how every time I send out some of these messages, so many nice devotees all around the world write and call and offer me kindness and praise. Yes, this is wonderful but can you see all the danger in this? One of Maya’s most special tricks is to get the devotee who has acquired some little achievement to start thinking, ‘just see, I am an advanced devotee.’ For instance, if I’m not careful and if I let myself start thinking in this way, then when the helpers come to take me out of the body they’ll take me straight to Brahmaloka or some place of this nature. They’ll say, ‘this was your final test and you accepted certain adoration and glorification as your own, therefore go ahead and enjoy now for 311 trillion years managing your own planet or universe.’ Isn’t Maya just so tricky? (Smile) When Vasudeva the leper was healed by Krishna he prayed very intensely ‘please do not let me become proud’. When the great devotee Madhavendra Puri was called out by the pujari and the deity Ksira-Cora Gopinatha he was so eager to avoid praise. We’ve never heard of devotees like Narottama Dasa Thakur, Bhaktivinode Thakur or our Srila Prabhupada (we can go on and on and on), being in a mood of arrogance. They were constantly writing and praying, addressing how they do not have love of God and how they are unqualified in so many areas etc. Anyway, what I’m writing now is for my own edification and purification and maybe for yours as well. Devotees like me, in one sense have no qualification in practically any area but have received blessings by causeless mercy. However, pride manifesting as pratistha (a desire for fame) is a serious enemy.

When I had my amputation I offered up a sacrifice. I offered that a substantial quantity of pain that some of the women, children, elders, brahmins, and cows etc in our movement had suffered, could be absorbed in my extremely deteriorated leg and that when the leg was amputated, as it was thrown away from my own body, that there would also be some elimination of this unhealthy karma from the body of our institution. So now today in a similar spirit I want to offer in sacrifice all the rest of what remains with this body. In other words, I fully want to present myself to the Lord in the mood of Saranagati – full surrender. ‘Thy will be done, so please use me in this last way to make an ultimate sacrifice for those devotees, saints and sadhus who are having seemingly insurmountable obstacles in their own spiritual journey.’ I would like to also make it specific, particularly focusing on forgiveness.

The duty of a brahmana is to culture the quality of forgiveness, which is illuminating like the sun. The Supreme Personality of Godhead, Hari, is pleased with those who are forgiving. (SB 9.15.40)

All of us have so many people who we’ve interacted with who have hurt us in different ways. Just to exist, or to be engaged in any type of relationship means we’re going to be hurt by someone and we’re going to hurt someone. We all have people who we need to forgive and there are so many people who need to forgive us. Sometimes the person we have the greatest difficulty forgiving is ourselves. Why am I bringing up forgiveness and resentment? Because I am noticing that it is a very serious issue. I am especially sending this message out to those children who’ve been abused. In the USA for example, the statistics show that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys have been sexually abused and unfortunately most of these kinds of abuse are done by the people who are actually supposed to be their protectors or overseers etc. So this is a global problem of people being abused and hurt by their fathers, uncles, brothers, mothers, sisters, Doctors, counsellors and all other types of mentors. In other words this is so unfortunate and is never to be justified, but it has gone on everywhere on this planet. And surely each institution, community and family must find more ways to minimise so much of the suffering that people are experiencing through these abuses and traumas. Some may say what right do I have to ask others to forgive, but I can assure you that by being born in a minority body, (without the active presence of my father) and going through all the ranks of ISKCON, I surely have my history of all kinds of abuses. Let’s get right to the point.

A) Forgiveness does not mean:

i) That what happened to you was your fault

ii) It doesn’t mean that you allow those who hurt you or any others to continue the abuse

iii) It doesn’t even mean that you have to forget as sometimes we have to remember the past so that it doesn’t repeat itself and often we have to learn from the past while we look and plan for the future.

iv) That what happened as horrible as it was, really wasn’t so bad after all

Forgiveness does mean:

i) That you stop allowing whoever hurt you so much to continue to daily hurt you by carrying this around in your mind everyday and therefore being attacked, disappointed and hurt everyday again and again.

ii) That you now live for the present and the future and you stop bringing a wounded you into all of your present encounters. It is not right for you to hurt yourself or those who come around you, who you really want to give your greatest love, attention and full presence to. But when you do not forgive you keep dropping a wounded you on others day after day.

iii) That you’re ready to stop giving up, denying your power everyday and being so faithless, for Krishna can use us and help us in so many ways if we do not keep shutting ourselves down with resentment.

iv) That in spite of whatever else may be happening you are ready to keep looking for and accepting Krishna’s mercy which cannot happen without accessing a deeper level of compassion and sensitivity ourselves. Isn’t is true that the greatest achievers have had to deal with the greatest obstacles, and in some cases they particularly turned their obstacles into opportunities

C) When we do not forgive

i) It is like carrying around in your hand a bunch of hot coals and waiting for a chance to throw them at the person who hurt you. But look how you burnt you own hand waiting for the opportunity. In essence forgiveness actually does more for your own well being than for another

ii) We have to ask ourselves how much suffering do those who hurt us the most have to undergo before we can release them? Must they be run over by 10 trains, chopped in to a hundred pieces or even eaten up by a pack of lions?

Let’s just be honest, if we look at the lives of all the great personalities in our sastra we will see the amazing ways in which they forgave. If any of you have time, I gave a course in Mayapur in 2003 on forgiving those who hurt you the most and we talked about over 40 or so great personalities in our Vaisnava history and examined what we learnt from the amazing ways they forgave. So the groundhog aka the beggar aka spiritual warrior is praying that the ultimate sacrifice he makes in having to walk away from his body will act somewhat as a catalyst for helping us all to look closer at resentment and forgiveness. The sad thing is that most of the time we’re prone to think that we have already forgiven others. It can be a gradual process which has many levels. For example, think of the person who has hurt you the most, and now think of all the most wonderful things you can imagine happening to this person. If you are very uncomfortable with this, or if you feel too angry or uneasy hearing or seeing them, then more than likely you haven’t released this person from your consciousness. Remember that to see a Vaisnava and not be happy is an offence. (Skanda Purana)

So that this beggar does not engender pride thinking that he has some special sacrifice to make or some very special wisdom to offer he will try to particularly use some of these points to look deeper at the subtleties in his own consciousness. Hopefully if you listen to the seminar on forgiveness, the wonderful pastimes about our great acaryas and how they forgave and the amazing honest sharing amongst the seminar participants, it will help you to help yourself to help others.

Yours in Srila Prabhupada’s Service With Love,

Bhakti-Tirtha Swami

Karnamrita Das - April 28, 2005 4:31 pm

This is the latest health update from a few days ago:

Dear Beloved Devotees:

Please accept our humble obeisances.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

All glories to H.H. Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaja.

Please accept our apologies for not keeping you

updated; however from now

on, we will update you once a week.

Because it had been raining, the weather was cold, and

the Institute House

is simply too small to accommodate many devotees,

Gurudeva asked to be

driven to the Temple on Sunday to give the afternoon

class in spite of his

extremely delicate physical condition and in spite of

many requests that he

not do so. Fortunately, the roads were somewhat

repaired to reduce

Gurudeva’s physical discomfort.

At the Temple, Gurudeva gave a beautiful class, along

with H.H. Candramauli

Swami and H.H. Kavicandra Swami. Gurudeva read his

prayer, "Live Until

Dying” and spoke of devotees in sastra who are

immortal (ciran jivas) and of

pastimes in which a devotee was brought back from

death (mrta sanjivani); he

also mentioned two other categories: those who

remember their previous lives

and those who can determine the time of their own

death. Gurudeva didn’t

speak for very long and towards the end, seemed to

experience shortness of

breath. As Gurudeva was carried back to the car, a

godsister of his sang

softly and sweetly. Gurudeva’s act of love for the

devotees left many of us

feeling quite emotional.

Gurudeva has grown increasingly internal and devotees

are working hard to

minimize noise and disturbances to facilitate

Gurudeva’s needs at this time.

Gurudeva spends quite a lot of time hearing and

viewing Vrindavana pastimes

and parikramas from various devotees. Personal visits

and telephone calls

have been greatly reduced as these are so tiring for

him; however, he keeps

in contact with Godsiblings through emails, which he

has read to him once a

day.

Gurudeva had been receiving radiation treatments daily

at a nearby hospital;

however, after weighing out the pros and cons of this

treatment, Gurudeva

decided to stop it altogether.

His eating is steadily decreasing, and he follows a

strict diet to minimize

undesirable symptoms; his many cooks have been

successfully employing their

creativity to cook diverse preparations with the few

permissible

ingredients. Devotees staying at the Temple have also

had chances to clean

the Institute House and a few experienced devotees

have even gotten to

massage Gurudeva, a crucial service at this time.

Thank to Maryland/DC devotees (and others) who have

been so generously

donating bhoga, supplements, and other needed items.

Thanks to all devotees

who have so lovingly cared for the caregivers and to

those Maryland devotees

who cooked a sumptuous Sunday feast. We are also so

grateful to the

Gita-nagari devotees who have been so warmly caring

for and accommodating

many guests and visitors.

Hare Krishna.

Your servants,

Caretakers of H.H. Bhakti-tirtha Swami

*************************

My path is very difficult. I am blind, and my feet are

slipping again and

again. Therefore, may the saints help me by granting

me the stick of their

mercy as my support.

- Srila Krishnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami

Karnamrita Das - April 29, 2005 3:08 pm

Another report. As we feel quite close to him and many of his disciples, this brings tears to my eyes, yet what a way to leave and teach. Different personalities give us different lessons and emphasis.

Karnam

Date: Thu, 28 Apr 2005 13:44:12 +0100 (BST)

From: Ananda Vrindavan dasi

<ananda_bts@yahoo.co.in>

Subject: Greetings from Gita nagari

Dear prabhus, Pamho! AgtSP & GM!

Below you will find translation of the letter that was

posted few days ago by Croatian devotees (Mohan das

and Adbhuta Datri dd) that are currently at Gita Nagari.

As the letter was in Croatian language only, I decided

to translate and share it with you for the benefit of

all.

Wishing you lots of strength and inspiration and love,

your sister and aspiring servant, Ananda Vrndavan dasi

************************************************************

Hare Krsna!pamho!All glories to Gurudev! All glories

to Srila Prabhupad!

We are sending this report to everybody so we don't

have to send individual emails! I do not know how to

describe you a current mood on GN! From one side it is

totally wonderful - all the time a different sannyasis

are coming, seminars are held where we are getting

prepared for GM departure, the place is full of our

godfamily members from all over the world, and from the

other side there is this feeling of great sadness due to

Maharaj! On Sunday we had a SF and GM talked for a

while and then we had to carry him out as his blood

pressure suddenly started growing! It was a heartbreaking

scene - as we were carrying Maharaj out in the chair

wheels and he was crying very much and then the whole

temple started crying also...Maharaj is not receiving any

darshans anymore, however today he said that he wants

to give darshan to couple of us that suddenly came

from Europe!! As we were walking toward the House we knew

that it will be our last darshan with Gurudev! At the

end ten of us gathered

and then Maharaj invited us in! Our dear Gurudev was

sitting - lying on the chair, his body totally

deteriorated, he is totally tin, he was keeping his hand on

his heart and he was hardly speaking. In general he

told some interesting things to each one of us and after

he mentioned Prabhupad he started to cry again

intensively, in the last period he is crying constantly.

Maharaj is still having his incredible smile. He told us

that Prabhupad is constantly watching him (and then he

started to laugh) and showed us a picture of Prabhupad

that he is having above the door of his room! Maharaj

is really very very weak in regards to his body, but

from the other side the shine on his face looks as he

grow much younger - incredible! Maharaj was very glad

that we are in here in GN as we can witness his

leaving his body! Maharaj then told us very sad news and

that is he thinks that after initiation he will leave his

body... Therefore I am sending you this mail right now

as the initiation will

take place tomorrow or the day after tomorrow (around

180 devotees) and he thinks that his body cannot bear

this upcoming karma from the disciples! Therefore we

beg you to pray as much as possible for Gurudev to stay

as longer as possible with us! He has said that he

hopes that those disciples will be grateful for what he

is doing as after he initiates 180 disciples in this

moment it would be too much for his body! All of us are

sending our greetings to you from GN and I will write

again soon, hopefully with better news! Please, pray

for our dear Gurudev in order for Krishna to give him

strength in these last moments.

your servants, Mohana dasa and Adbhuta Datri

Haridas.bts - May 4, 2005 2:50 pm

thank you for sharing and translating that report, it was very touching and appreciated.

please find below another transcribed lecture-again it is long and may need to be printed and read offline so as to avoid hurting ones eyes by prolonged contact with vdu screens!!!!!!

HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami

"To Be Selfless is a Difficult Instruction"

Gita Nagari

back

This morning I was having a very exciting realization. Sometimes I try to think of a word that describes the Gita Nagari community. I always come up with 2 things most of the time: Outrageous and Enchanting. Today and yesterday were quite interesting. If you notice when we were finishing the guru puja and we were circumambulating around the murti of Srila Prabhupada, it was very powerful. And then we maintained the circle while we recited the English translation of the prayers. And I was just so intoxicated. It was such an experience of being with Prabhupada in Gita Nagari and with the devotees and I was trying to connect with devotees hearts as we were all in that little circle. That’s why I did the Jaya Radha Madhava prayers there; I just didn’t want to leave. It was so enchanting – circumambulating, then forming the circle and devotees were staying in that formation while we are all looking at Srila Prabhupada and offering our prayers in such a way. Hopefully someone else had an impacting experience during that little time. I found it to be quite enchanting.

So I want to share a simple presentation. Most of you have been fasting up until now. So I tried to find a short Beggar entry so stomachs would not be growling.

Sometime back Srila Prabhupada had mentioned to me and you heard me express it on different occasions about being selfless, humble and brave. And it make take me the rest of this lifetime in trying to really hone into those instructions and to fully be able to understand them. And so one way we can come to a deeper more mature understanding is we keep trying to intensify our deeper awareness by what we have, and then trying to go deeper and dive more and more into trying to appreciate such things. So in that spirit, some weeks ago, while I was still here, before I had a few days away in Detroit, I wrote this Beggar called Being Selfless is a Difficult Instruction. As I said this morning I’ll be giving the Bhagavatam class for the next 3 days.

Selflessness, even in the dictionary, emphasizes thinking less of the self, not being so egocentric, not being so focused on one’s own person. And spiritually we understand that, but from a much, much deeper level – because spiritually we understand that really being selfless means giving more attention to the self, the real self, and at the same time putting aside the false self. Because the real self is pure, the soul is sat-cit-ananda vigraha, and the real self is always involved in acts of compassion and devotion and full of knowledge and eternal, and the real self is full of enchanting bliss. So to one who normally is relating the English language, selflessness may mean one thing, but we see at a much deeper level. And we can always access a deeper appreciation. So as I’m doing this as introspection, self-purification, self-actualization, then it hopefully it will help you to use it as a catalyst in looking closer at what’s going on with your accessing selflessness or possessing selfishness.

If we think about it, for materialists, they are normally happy when they are acquiring some material things, maintaining some material things. For spiritualists, they are most happy when they are doing something for someone. Getting some notice for it, some appreciation of course is there, but you’ll see most pious people, most spiritual people, they are most happy when they have done something and they know they’ve done something wonderful. And they are tremendously happy when they see that people are appreciating. They feel good. And then the rare classification is if somebody is also the happiest when they are doing things for/with someone, with their beloveds, but at the same time they’re not really looking and needing approval or appreciation. It doesn’t have to come out externally. They’re just doing it because they are really doing it for Krsna.

So we may first reflect which category do we find ourselves in. Hopefully no one finds themselves in the category that they find that the happiest moments of their life, their time, their existence from day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month, year-to-year, when they are developing or acquiring some material things. Materialists are like that. Their happiest moment is when they got a car, a house, they got a raise, some material things basically. Some things related to their body or somebody else’s body. Pious people they really don’t feel so happy when they are just thinking of themselves, but they really feel happy when they are doing something with or for someone – but they want to know that they are needed, they want to know that they are appreciated, they want to know that they have value. So that’s pretty much the mode of goodness.

And the transcendental state goes far beyond that because it doesn’t depend on being recognized. It doesn’t depend on somebody having to let you know that you are valued, because one is genuinely doing it for God, for Krsna. That level is a little rare. If we think about it in most of our lives, we still are finding happiness based on some distinct reciprocation that must be there. If not, we can even do something that is very wonderful, but if we don’t get the reciprocation we may even feel angry or disturbed, depressed and frustrated.

So we all want to come to a point where we are really experiencing God’s presence in all things, in all circumstances, at all times, so we can genuinely be doing things for people, with people, and understand that this is an offering for that we are doing for the Lord. And so such a person will have the highest level of happiness because there will be so few things to cause a block for them. First they won’t be blocked by material things because they are not into that arena. They won’t be blocked by this emotional and psychological input in the external reciprocation, because they are really doing it for that real person. They are doing it for the soul in connection with Krsna. So therefore, they are constantly finding so many, many, many wonderful opportunities to be happier and happier.

Much of this meditation deals with this kind of discussion and reflection. Going beyond just thinking of one’s self or others in a material sense. Going beyond the need to be externally needed or appreciated, but wanting to connect with real love that cannot be outside of connecting deeper with Krsna. So it’s hard to really connect with selflessness when basically our day-to-day existence is all about ourselves.

It’s like learning a new language. For most people it’s not so easy learning a new language. Now you are having to codify everything differently. Some people are linguists or just have a natural talent and learn pretty fast. But for most people it’s quite a task because now you are having to see things that you normally see, interact in environments perhaps that you normally interact in, but you are now labeling things differently. And so something that you would normally call a table or a chair, a man, a woman, what you know it is based on your previous language. But now you having to use a new word to describe the same thing that you have known.

So we are trying to access selflessness. We don’t have to change our environment or even sometimes the things that we even do as a spiritualist. But we have to change the way we are labeling, interacting, thinking with such associations. This is the whole purport of dealing with the false ego. Ego is there, but now we are having to question ourselves constantly where something is coming from. Is it coming from one’s desire to be famous, to get distinction, adoration? Is it coming from one’s desire to be noticed, to be appreciated? Or is it coming from one’s effort in trying to be there, fully present for another. Is it coming from one’s desire to try to see how to do the best thing, say the best thing, make the best arrangements for someone as you are connecting with the God within that person.

This is one of the downsides for instances of married life. So many wonderful things are there. One of the downsides is that people close off their interactions in a very healthy way with others and it becomes all secondary. Now everything gets focused on themselves. And so everything is based on their own idea, pleasure, appetites. And so for a spiritualist, and what to say of a transcendentalist, that can impose a great block. For a materialist sometimes life is so heavy for them. Everything is disappointing, that there greatest hope is that they find a man or woman who is some how going to allow them to create their own life with that person. Many people have that conception because their suffering is so intense. So their thinking just to find someone who now they can just say, kind of, the hell with the world and they can sort of create their own world with that particular person. That’s good wishes, sentimental reflection because it doesn’t happen like that. In most cases the individual is going to have to interact with so many other persons and even the one person they are interacting with is an aggregation, amalgamation of so many experiences and many influences from the past, the present, and even in the future if one is dealing with someone who is being influenced in different ways. So you really can’t just create a really self-contained association like that. And then when you do, what happens is like what I said before the wedding, that then you try to get everything from each other and the marriage will be a failure. You’re trying to get everything from your partner. You’re trying to have friendship, you’re trying to have the conjugal, you’re trying to have security – because there’s some things that men and women are not able to give each other sometimes. Some things that men have to get from other men and women from other women and then they can bring that back to the relationship of male/female.

But as we are more into selflessness these things just become natural in our ability to access and we will be quite happy. The happiest people I’ve ever known and the happiest times of my life is unequivically when I’m trying to be selfless. It may not be the highest expression of doing it only for Krsna, but trying to do something in a selfless manner and getting some reciprocation for it and some cases some appreciation. But it’s much more satisfying than just doing something that one wants to do for oneself. As a matter of fact when people are living a life that’s just centered around what they want to do for themselves, it’s very short term, because after a while they will be bored with themselves and bored with the world. People suffer intensely when they keep trying to arrange things for their own pleasures, even though they may have so many things to manipulate. They will be very disappointed because it will not touch deeper cores of their existence.

So think in your own lives, does most of your happiness come from material things? Maybe 90 to 100 % of the people in our association will say no and the majority of us may still be on the level where, yes, we are doing with, for those we care about and there is some distinct appreciation. We feel a sense of wellbeing a sense of happiness, a sense of euphoria. It comes and goes. It doesn’t stay primarily, but then we want to come to a point where it doesn’t just come and go, where it’s consistent. Even though sometimes it may be more in the forefront, sometimes in the background, but it’s consistent. So it becomes more and more consistent when it’s to God, to Krsna, because Krsna is always available to reciprocate and will always send opportunities and chances for us to serve Him. So let us all try to become happier. And it’s ironic because normally we are forced to think in this material existence that happiness means I’ve got to take care of me, and it may usually refer to the physical me.

But that is maya’s big trick, to make people think that that is where the happiness lies. But that is where the temporary stimulations lies, but that is where the ongoing frustrations remain. So maya has arranged so many illusions to distract those who want to be distracted, so people occupy themselves with so many things to get some pleasure and that comes and goes. We have to keep changing because it’s only temporary. But where we are connecting deeper and deeper in transcendence, then what environment we’re in and practically whatever is going on, there will be some amazing euphoria and ecstasy.

This is one of the reasons why the great servants of the Lord don’t mind even going to the hellish planets, why they don’t mind some of the most difficult tasks. But what they do mind is that they cannot always think of Krsna, what they do mind is if there is any interference with their ability to remember the Lord because they realize that this is everything. I’ll share in the future a writing like that that talks about how to receive everything by wanting nothing. I just finished a beggar like that just a few days ago – how to receive everything, but wanting nothing. But let us look at our short offering today.

Being selfless is a difficult instruction is the title of this particular beggar. Keep in mind I’m thinking of Prabhupada’s instruction and trying to grab hold to it more and make it an integral part of my breathing and existence.

”My dear spiritual master, one of the most difficult instructions you gave me was to be selfless. Normally when one thinks of being selfless, anxiety flares up. It brings up the emotions of fear. One may feel that it means to give up one’s identity, needs, and aspirations.” - or to become a doormat for other’s desires, to become a nonentity, a no-person. The false ego screams out, “No way!” The idea of being a doormat for someone else’s whims, desires and aspirations, giving up your identity, being a nonentity, the false ego shouts no, no.

“However being selfless does not mean to give up one’s identity, but to reclaim one’s pure, royal identity. It does not mean to give up one’s needs, but to replace wants with the actual pure needs. It does not mean to give up pursuing adventurous goals.” It does not mean one has to be dry and monotonous and full of boredom – “... but to replace wants with the actual pure needs. It does mean to give up adventurous goals, but to attach oneself to transcendental goals. Real selflessness means one must genuinely access humility and submissiveness.” They go hand in hand together. “This is even more scary, because normally one identifies humility and submissiveness with low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can cause people to give up their own identity and ability to explore, create and achieve, and simply let others think, control, and arrange for them. This is what happens with low self-esteem.

“By your mercy my dear spiritual guide, I can understand that genuine selflessness is not thinking less of oneself, but thinking of one’s self less. My dear spiritual master, one of the most difficut instructions you gave me was to be selfless. To be selfless means to never be bored or lazy...” Think about that. Being selfless means that I will never be bored or lazy. What does that have to do with selflessness? Well let’s go on. “... for I will always be absorbed in helping, facilitating and serving others. There are so many people on this planet and even in other universes that are impoverished and suffering. Some in lower, higher, and others in medium planets like here on earth. Wars are going on everywhere. People are dying from all types of diseases, especially on this planet. Resource abuse, drug abuse, spousal abuse, elderly abuse, and child abuse are rampant. Poverty, mental illness, racism, tribalism, religious fanaticism are pervasive on almost every corner, every city. The planet is dying from toxicity. The people and leaders are toxic, the institutions and even the planet itself is toxic. The atheist, the materialist, as well as the spiritualist are all mostly suffering. So I can understand that being selfless means to always eagerly be occupied in trying to assist in the healing process of the planet, with it’s leaders, institutions, and people.” So we here that the point of being really selfless automatically negates boredom and laziness, because there are so many things to do once we get away from our own self concerns – so many people suffering, so many problems, so much chance to facilitate and try to see what you can do. So there is no question of laziness, because there are so many ways to try to find that one can involve himself in. And no question of being bored, because being bored often has to do with a lack of adventure, a lack of challenge, a lack of feeling needed, etc. And so we look just on our own planet, our own city, even in our own community, and there is so much that one can do if we just put away selfish reflections. Once we remain holding on to selfish reflections, boredom sets in and laziness sets in, because we don’t capitalize off the moment to be able to try to see how to be there for someone else, to serve, to glorify our guru more, serve him better, to see how, to work with our own life so that we can be a better representative. So when we are not so much using our time wisely, we’re feeling bored, this should be like a flag going up that I’m too selfish. And because I’m too selfish, I’m bored most of the time. Boredom has to do with what I think should be coming to me, what I think I should be experiencing, what I think I should be feeling, what I think I should be doing, but it’s still the “I, the I, the I”. So again let us look at ourselves, look at our lives and see. How much do we find that we are feeling bored in our day-to-day exchanges and experiences? If we’re finding that coming out in a quite dominating way then we should realize that there is too much focus on our self-centered material desires, plans, ideas, frustrations. It often comes in what we don’t have, what we feel we should do, what we feel we should be, what we feel we should have, all of this brings in the space for frustration and boredom.

“So by your mercy my dear guide I can now understand that genuine selflessness is not thinking less of oneself, but thinking of one’s self less. My dear spiritual master, one of the most difficult instructions you gave me is to be selfless.” It’s an intense process of really trying to go deep to weed out all of these things that we rationalize in avoiding surrendering to Krsna, because we can’t come fully to Krsna with selfishness. Everyday I normally look at all kinds of sites with my eyes for enjoyment, my ears are very active in trying to hear something for enjoyment.” This is all personal enjoyment. “My nose, my mouth, my stomach never take a vacation.” Well a little vacation now that devotees have me on raw vegetables and a little steamed sometimes. So I guess it is a vacation. But Acyuta is gone, huh. Bring out the ice cream and the sweet rice. That’s a little inside joke for our viewers.

“My nose, my mouth, my stomach never take a vacation, searching for more material enjoyment. The genitals never retire from anticipating activity. The arms and legs can be easily solicited by my mind to arrange or search for sensual stimulation and gratification. I can understand that by being truly selfless, none of these pushes from my senses would be a problem.” Think about that. The vegas, the pushes of the senses all have to do with desire for self-stimulation and pleasure. The agitation to the mind, to the stomach, and to the tongue, to the genitals, to the belly, all of these things have to do with again, the personal reflection. So as we are becoming more and more selfless, we’ll have less and less agitation in any of those areas, because we are not putting ourselves as the center of the pleasure, of the universe. We are not putting our physical needs as priorities and we are addressing our real self, which doesn’t need any of those things for happiness and for its existence. So again, as we look closer at ourselves we think how much am I experiencing mental agitation or verbal anxieties and nutritional anxieties, sexual anxieties. How much am I experiencing these things? To the degree that they are so dominant in our lives is connected or concommitant with our selfishness – too much attunement to what we think we should be experiencing, or what we think we should be associating with or having and where we feel that we need that’s different from the connection with the Lord.

Because with Krsna all of those things are satisfied in full. It’s not that we renounce just to have pride that we have given up something. It’s that we are renouncing so that we can have something higher. We are removing our attachments so that we can replace it with something higher. So we look, just as we look at what level or category we find ourselves mostly into. And we look particularly at these areas of the pushes and see how much they are bothering us. Now keep in mind again when we do find ourselves being more selfless, notice how we have less agitation in any of those areas.

Like some of you were working so hard yesterday. Sometimes the festivals and Institute programs – and because you put yourselves so much into it, you go half the day, almost the whole day without even having a chance to eat. And you don’t realize how hungry you are or what your situation is until later. Or sometimes you put so much energy into trying to make things nice for others – for guests who come to your home or come to the temple – and because you are really trying to care for them, you really feel happy, even though you have had to put yourself out. Even though you were inconveniencing yourself in certain ways, but based on the fact that you were not focusing in on your own particular issue that you found a certain happiness and satisfaction. Later the body is very tired – just like some of you now, the body is tired from some of the activities, the work as well as the interactions and associations.

I was so happy to hear last night the gurukulis were having bhajans from 9 –11 or 12. And I was just thinking I’m so envious. I wish I could have that attachment for the holy name. You’ll find many times that when the younger generations come together – and even during some of the more social events – that there is such a focus on the bhajans and the kirtans. Everyone just becomes one in Krsna focus as such. Because there is so much Krsna consciousness there, that the soul comes forth in that sense of wanting to embrace the holy name. Even though the mind, the senses and the body has all of the stuff it wants to do. But when the bhajan and kirtan comes it’s just amazing. And no one has kirtans and bhajans practically like the gurukulis do. You go from one place in the world to the next and you’ll see that their kirtans are awesome. Yesterday after the wedding we had a short kirtan, but it was such a high energy. At one point I looked around and everybody was jumping like so high. I couldn’t believe it. Of course it had a lot to do with the enchantment of Radha Damodara and the environment. This new temple has opened up a whole new door of enchantment. And also the vibrancy of the youth who were hearing the holy name while they were in the womb of their mothers and from day one have been taking prasadam and gazing upon the deity. So it shows how powerful the culture of devotion is, even when sometimes it’s not being accessed very forefront, but it’s there.

Now this last point we just mentioned about the senses being disturbed. The senses will be very much at rest or peaceful or they will be centered around Krsna when we’re not being self-centered. And when we are being less self-centered there is a natural solace that’s there. Just notice – and we all see that when you feel less Krsna conscious, you want to eat more, sleep more, more sexually agitated, all of these things. Because it means that now you are not thinking of Krsna’s plan, or you are not thinking of facilitating the devotees, facilitating the spiritual aspect, facilitating your family based on a spiritual connection, and so what happens is that then the environment wants to facilitate you. The environment then jumps on you and you get all of these problems with the senses, what you see, hear, taste, smell, touch, etc. So all of these are flags to let us know that we really gotta work much more intensely on being genuinely selfless.

“For I would not allow my mind to give in to the harrassment of the environment. I can understand that being truthfully selfless, none of these pushes from my senses would be a problem, for I would not allow my mind to give in to the harrassment of the environment or my egocentric desires. By your mercy my dear spiritual master I can now understand that genuine selflessness is not thinking less of oneself, but of course thinking of one’s self less. My dear spiritual master, one of the most difficult instructions you gave me was to be selfless. So often I am covered with jealousy and enviousness, but if I were selfless I would be so happy to see others excel and achieve. As a matter of fact, my real and genuine happiness would not be in my own accomplishments, but in the success of others.”

So another area, enviousness, jealousy, is only associated with self-centered concerns. It gets cancelled out where there is selflessness. The opposite sets in. If you’re happy about somebody else’s achievement and you’re feeling the – param dukha dukhi – you’re feeling someone else’s sadness. Just like with those in the higher heavenly planets in Brahmaloka, Satyaloka, they don’t feel misery, they don’t feel sadness, they don’t feel pain, except when they think of others who are suffering who are in lower planetarial arrangements. Then they have some moments of sadness as they are thinking that there are others that are not experiencing the security and the satisfaction that they have. But on their own account, because there is such a level of advancement (not totally pure), they do not have these kinds of problems because they have moved more to a point of being more focused on Divinity, more focused in trying to be Godly, and to share that and associate with others in that way.

“I would feel that their sadness, pain and failure, as well as their happiness, joy, and success. Until this is spontaneous and a natural reflection, I know that I am far from being selfless.” Not only do we have to work on it, but until it is natural and spontaneous. “If I want to become truly selfless, I realize that I must see, smell, hear, taste, speak, feel, and do only those things that I know would please you, for I think I am the enjoyer or experiencer than I will be destined to experience such agitations and fears.” To the degree that I think I am that, the enjoyer, then I am destined to experience fears, anxieties, agitations, gloom, and setbacks.

“So every time I experience such disturbances, I must see this as another sign of selfishness. By your mercy, my spiritual guide, I can better understand that genuine selflessness is not thinking less of oneself, but thinking of one’s self less.” We end with just 2 other short paragraphs. But just try to, as I’m trying, to apply these things in our lives so that we can understand a little better why we get bored and frustrated. We can understand better why often we feel somewhat incomplete in our lives when there are so many opportunities for so many things to do, it’s not due to Krsna, it’s not due to Prabhupada or the experience of devotional service, but it’s due to our lack of really wanting to experience it deeper. You got some anxieties in the senses, in the mind, any time there is boredom, anytime there is laziness, anytime there is enviousness or jealousy, we can understand where it’s coming from. It’s not coming from a platform of purity, a platform of selflessness, a platform of compassion and love, but it’s coming from a platform that’s mostly connected with lust and connected with personal desires for distinction, adoration, and various types of profits.

“My dear spiritual master, one of the most difficult instructions you gave me was to become selfless. If I took this seriously I would take care of all things under my jurisdiction and all of my possessions with utmost care.” All of you who are caretakers on the farm, you think about this. We notice how Srila Prabhupada was not only careful with direct spiritual things, but even with material things within the environment, he treated them with such care. We know how even during walks, he would turn off the faucet if the water was running, because being Krsna conscious means you are seeing everything as for Krsna’s use. So therefore we must take good care of the cows, we take good care of our facilities, we take good care of our cars, we take good care of our buildings, of our houses, we take good care of the things that we use .... end of first side.

... we should remind ourselves that this is bodily consciousness, this is a distraction, not letting us really be able to enhance what in fact our real nature is.

“If I took this seriously I would take care of all things under my jurisdiction and all of my possessions with utmost care. I would never be incompetent, impersonal, insensitive, or neglectful, for I would realize that everything belongs to God and must be offered back to Him.” So that means to the degree that we realize that everything belongs to God, then we are doing and using things in a very enchanting and enhancing way so that we can offer them back to the Lord the way that the Lord would be pleased. But if we think that things belong to us and we see ourselves as proprietor, then we miss the opportunity to be able to offer something to the Lord in such a way. And therefore, we miss the opportunity of being Krsna- or God conscious, because being God-conscious means seeing and thinking of the Lord at all times in all circumstances.

“As all that we consider ours has come to us by karma, by mercy, and will one day be of course taken away. Therefore we are only the caretakers. And we think about that all the time. We realize that everything we have, that at some point we are not going to have such things, because everything materially is temporary. But what we keep is not the material things and material commodities, but the consciousness associated with such things becomes an integral part of our existence. Each time we leave these bodies we can’t take anything with us, but at the same time we take some of the reactions or based - that is pious and impious – based on how we interacted that goes with us. And then our later experiences are based on the quality of our associations and actions.

“The fact that I am often incompetent, impersonal, insensitive, and neglectful is showing indications that I am selfish and over-possessive, as I am not recognizing properly who the real owner is and how I should respond and treat that which belongs to God, to Krsna – the real owner’s possessions. So again, as enviousness comes up, jealousy, as sensual pleasures that are not spiritually aligned, incompetence, impersonalism, intolerance, all of things are coming from a platform of selfishness, a platform of unhealthy egocentricity rather than a platform of compassion, of love and devotion.

“My dear spiritual master, one of the most difficult instructions you have given me was to be selfless. If I had more gratitude and most importantly did not minimize and doubt your and God’s mercy, on me I would surely be a selfless and loving servant.” So sometimes our selfishness has to do with our doubts and our fears. Our doubts of the Lord’s mercy, His protection. Our fears that if we do make ourselves more available, if we do try to surrender more, if we do try to be better servants, we may have some doubts if some of our material demands will be met. But we must remind ourselves that all those things are controlled by the Lord and who is better to facilitate us than the Supreme?

“You have continually been so kind to help me in understanding how I keep minimizing your mercy. My selfish attachments and perceptions have caused me to hold on to low self-esteem, pride, pursuits of sense gratification, fears, jealousy, enviousness, incompetence, impersonalism, insensitivity, and neglectfulness,” and our last example here, “lack of gratitude and doubts. Now of course I clearly understand by your mercy that genuine selflessness is not thinking less of oneself, but thinking of one’s self less in so many improper ways.” So it means not thinking less of yourself or less of ourselves, but thinking of one’s self less. Normally we think of ourselves so much but in improper ways. So it means thinking less of one’s self based on improper reflections and considerations.

“But why has then been such a difficult instruction for me to follow? My spiritual master replied, ‘Yes my beloved not only will this continue to be a most difficult instruction to honor, but will be impossible for you to fully honor as long as you are convinced you can do it on your own strength. But as you more authentically accept my grace and mercy, you will receive much more empowerment to rise above the remaining blocks. Beloved it is very simple. Simply increase in thinking of yourself less and your whole existence will become more infused with the glorious, sublime mercy of our worshipful Lord and His Divine Consort.

So yes it is a fact that many times avoiding temptations, many times avoiding sinful activities, and what to say of even sinful reflections can be very difficult when most of our material life one is surrounded with so many types of stimulation that is constantly saying simply enjoy at whatever costs. And so when one is trying to be spiritual and trying to live a life of ethics, morality, integrity, of purity, they are in the minority. And so the dominant culture of sense gratification and gross involvement in materialism has such an impact on practically everyone’s consciousness. But to rise above such one does not just do that on their own. But they can do that of course with healthy association from their various fellowships in community, but most important they can do it with the help and the mercy of the Lord – because ultimately there is no temptation, no maya, no sin that is greater than God, greater than Krsna. And if we turn to the Lord more genuinely then we will find that the boredom, the frustration, the setbacks that are so much aligned with selfishness that we will not have such things, because we always have so many opportunities to help someone else, to try to serve, so many opportunities to try to be love-in-action, so many opportunities to try to love our neighbor, our brother or sister as ourselves, so many opportunities to be godly. And so when we are lazy or bored, it means that we are not accessing those opportunities and when we do not access such, the soul that is full of adventure and always looking for the deeper pleasures will not be able to experience what its natural birthright entails.

So let us try harder and harder not to be stagnated by just temporary pleasures, not to become overwhelmed by the temptations and the sense gratifications, not to have our lives so much geared and stimulated by just our own personal wants, but let’s look at our own genuine needs which are connected with others’ needs because we share such a common humanity and that has so much to do ultimately with being able to reconnect at a deeper level with the Godhead. One can never be quite ongoingly satisfied by just having alternative material stimulations, but the soul will be of course quite fulfilled as we begin to rediscover who we really are as eternal spiritual beings.

Hare Krsna. So if we have any questions, we’ll take any questions you may have.

So this meditation is directly aligned with the idea of being selfless, humble but brave. And they go together, even though they may seem not, because we cannot really be selfless without being meek and humble – and that of course does not mean being docile or being insensitive or being a doormat, but means genuine humility is strength, strength to keep accessing truth, strength to keep accessing compassion, strength to keep looking for deeper love and ready to reciprocate. And being brave is significant because when the general environments are often antagonistic toward such, then one has to be quite brave to try to be righteous in an unrighteous culture or an unrighteous (in general) planet. Salagram

Question: Yes gurumaharaja, thank you for your discussion. As I think of the selflessness of our previous acaryas or the pure devotees, I wonder how they can contain that, contain their selfless contemplations and service that they want to render to everyone without losing it.

Answer: Well it’s just like an alcoholic who is so addicted to taking the alcohol, it is very difficult for them. Whether they are alone or with people they will keep having this desire to take the alcohol. Someone who is not an alcoholic it’s not a big tax on their consciousness, because it’s not an integral part of their life, it’s not something that they have so much a taste for or a desire for. So for the pure servants of the Lord, they are not having these kinds of addictions where they have gotten so much locked in to being controlled by various things that are unhealthy for them like alcohol or drugs, etc. But for many people, these are imposed upon them in a very serious way. So for someone who is an addict may think, “How is it that some people do not get so much enticed by the alcohol even when it’s in front of them, or they do not get so enticed to go and try to find it, or it’s not an integral part of their life space. It’s something outside of their consciousness, outside of their appetites and desires. So we have become quite acculturated to having such things as an integral part of us. It wasn’t a person’s original nature to be so attracted to alcohol. Of course you have babies now who are crack babies, like this, like that, so it’s in their system, but it’s not their natural situation. It’s an unnatural situation. Most people learn these things from the environment and then it becomes so much impacting upon them that they find it difficult to release or to move away from such.

So as we reclaim our natural status, we will not have such a problem in being selfless because it is that the nature of the living entity is in the image and the consciousness of God. And so for the nature of the soul is the soul is purely selfless, purely in rapture with love, devotion. So the pure servants of God are not experiencing the contamination and so it is always easy, because it’s most natural for them to express their love and receive love in a selfless way because it is not a part of their part of their mentality, not a part of their makeup. Any other questions?

Lila Katha: You mentioned ....(inaudible)... that we can’t become selfless on our own strength, that we need to open ourselves up to receive the grace and mercy of guru, but at the same time the discussion is how we need to try to be selfless. So how do we balance this... that we’re trying to be selfless, but knowing that we can’t actually become selfless and what does it mean to open ourselves up to this mercy and how can we do that.

Answer: Yes we are saying that it’s difficult for one to be selfless without the mercy of God. And so it’s like it’s difficult again for the addict, it’s difficult for the prisoner, it’s difficult for the person whose hands are tied to be quite fully functional. But if there is some help or someone is able to come and to help sever some of the ropes, some of the chains, then so many things become functional. So the Lord is always arranging for help for the imprisoned living entity. It’s just a matter of our ignoring or minimizing or denying that help. God has never put us in a situation where we are just locked in and we can know Him, connect with His mercy, be freed from the sin. No. If that was the case it would mean that sin is as strong or stronger than the Supreme or that the Lord is not all merciful, that he’s just putting us in situations that are beyond our ability to transcend.

And this is why it has to do with genuinely recognizing one’s condition and genuinely wanting the help. Like there are some people who are sick and they go for care and they go to caretakers, different types of modalities or medicine they take and involve themselves in, but in many cases they go from one to the next without following the regimen. They get the medicine, they get the prescription, but they do not take it. Then they go to allopathic, they go to homeopathic, they go to acupunture, accupressure, and so many – but they do not really take advantage of the treatment. But there is some desire on their part to be healed. There is desire where they have even gone to get some help, but there is a lack of following it through. So similarly sometimes we can have some good intentions about trying to be more devotional, trying to be more righteous, more spiritual, but it only goes to a certain level. It doesn’t go so deep. And because of that, then we have some good qualities, and we have a lot of other stuff that could be considered bad qualities, or we have some areas, some depth that’s gradually setting in, but in other areas we find that the attachments are very strong because we are holding on to unhealthy things.

And so by presenting ourselves more to the mercy of the Lord, then we are able to get the strength, it’s able to come through as we are inviting and also not blocking. So in this way something is difficult, but it is not impossible. Difficult on our own because we put ourselves in a situation by our own intelligence. So our intelligence hasn’t been so wonderful. It’s kept us doing a lot of deviant things. It kept us being attracted and attached to a lot of unhealthy things, so just to depend on our own intelligence is not so wise. It is not wise to depend on someone who has been tricking you so often and to think that all of a sudden they are just going to start being your best friend. The intelligence and the mind has played all kind of tricks and it’s caused us to rationalize so many things. Sometimes people who are the most intelligent find the greatest ways to rationalize their deviations. So we want to spiritualize the intelligence, spiritualize the mind. That means letting more of the God-factor come in. Any one else? Our mind is often more of an enemy than a friend, because it’s been conditioned to mainly responding to the senses, and the senses are conditioned mainly to responding to the environment. So if we just let the mind have it’s day, then the mind will get us in a lot of trouble.

So the mind will tell us – with the intelligence – the mind will say well, you don’t have to be selfless. After all, you need a life. After all you deserve this or you deserve that. After all be happy that it happened to somebody else and it didn’t happen to you – some misfortune, some situation, be glad. You deserve. Don’t worry about someone else’s lack or impoverishment or problem or setback, because that’s life. Just be happy that you didn’t have to experience that. People will think like this. People even do like that. Even to their friends. Some misfortune happens to one of their friends, and they send a letter, they call, they write, they come and visit them, “Oh, I’m so sorry that this misfortune has come upon you.” But in the back of their mind they’re thinking, “I’m glad it happened to you and not to me.” And these are even friends, because the mind can rationalize in so many ways. Or somebody takes something from someone else. Somebody takes someone else’s husband, someone else’s boyfriend, somebody takes someone’s job, somebody takes someone’s position, and they are thinking – and they’re a so-called pious person – but the mind says, “You deserved it.” That other person’s suffering, what does it mean to you? Just take care of yourself.

So we have to check out this mind and intelligence a little closer and not let it dominate us without spiritual absorption. Any last questions? So we’ll end there, but let us just keep this as another reflection that we can contemplate on. We realize that there are always opportunities to go deeper and deeper in our spiritual absorption. There’s never a day, never a moment when the opportunity does not present itself. And we keep reminding ourselves that it’s mainly just the false ego, not the real pure ego, it’s mainly the false ego that interferes with our ability to receive and to accept more of God’s love awareness and compassion and protection. And it’s these things – when we are feeling lazy, when we’re feeling bored, when we’re feeling sensual agitation, when we are not using things properly, being impersonal or incompetent, when we are not having gratitude or having doubt. These are all some indications that one is too much focused on their false self, too much focused on the self-centeredness that’s lacking being able to be more of an agent of divinity. The more that we are selfless and compassionate, then the more that we are everyday finding adventure. Because there’s always a chance to try to help someone else, always chance to try to improve our quality. There’s always chance to be more grateful about what the Lord has arranged and has given. Jai!

ISKCON-Founder Acarya His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada Ki! Jaya! Sri Sri Radha Symasundara Ki! Jaya! Sri Sri Radha Kalachandji Ki! Jaya! Sri Sri Radha Damodara Ki! Jaya! Vaisnava Thakura Ki! Jaya! Hare Krsna!

His Holiness Srila Bhakti Tirtha Swami Maharaja Ki! Jaya!

Karnamrita Das - May 11, 2005 11:34 am

This email is speaking about last week. He also gave class this last Sunday as well. I was in New Vrindavana during that time and we watched a video of this lecture. It was very moving and brought tears to many of us seeing Bhakti-tirtha Swami's condition and gravity. At the same time it was very ecstatic! I remember a saying from a motivational speaker that he didn't want to "burn out" but "burn up" in the fire of service. This is what he is doing!!

dasanudas,

Karnam

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Dear Beloved Devotees:

Please accept our humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada. All glories to H.H. Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaja.

Once again, Gurudeva asked to be driven to the Temple last Sunday because of

the possibility of rain. Last Sunday, as in previous weeks, Godsiblings, disciples, and well-wishers from across the country come to hear from Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja, many of whom he had not seen in several years. Many of these devotees lined up outside of the Temple to greet Gurudeva, eagerly awaiting a chance to carry him up the Temple steps in his wheelchair.

Guru Maharaja began the class enthusiastically chanting, “Jaya Jaya Radhe

Jaya Jaya Shyama Jaya Jaya Sri Vrindavana Dhama and Jaya Jaya Radhe Jaya

Jaya Shyama Jaya Jaya Sri Gita-nagari Dhama…” Devotees were shocked by the

energy with which he sang and spoke. It was a powerful lecture; Gurudeva

read his prayer, “We Bid Each Other Farewell to Go Deeper” and gave a full

length class (including time for questions) to a full Temple room of devotees. His voice was strong; however, his body was and still is extremely weak and causing great discomfort.

Gurudeva spends each day chanting, listening to parikrama lectures, and

answering a few emails from Godbrothers/sisters; occasionally, someone may

get the opportunity to read to him. Even though Gurudeva is not so available

to meet with devotees, a few guests including H.H. Guru Prasad Maharaja and

H.H. Jaya Advaita Maharaja visited Gita-nagari, enlivening residents and

guests with their association and with Srimad Bhagavatam Class.

Additionally, Sangita Mataji, Gurudeva’s godsister and a hospice nurse, visited for two days and gave the caregivers tips and advice on caring for Maharaja’s physical needs. Her wealth of knowledge and experience is extremely valuable. We are most grateful to her for coming and for her continued availability and care.

On a scale from one to ten, Gurudeva’s bodily discomfort is about nine; the

tumors are increasing in size and spreading to various parts of the body and

thus, he is unable to walk, sit or lie for any long period of time. Ekavira. Dhruva, and Brahma Muhurta Prabhus reposition Gurudeva sometimes every hour

throughout the night to minimize bedsores and breaking of the skin.

Although this may be difficult for many of us, Gurudeva is requesting devotees to assist with his departure by understanding that Srila Prabhupada is calling him and that he is also ready to join Srila Prabhupada.

Additionally, Maharaja is requesting us to cultivate a deeper relationship

with his vani (instructions) instead of holding on to his vapu (form). He requests that devotees please stop praying for him to remain in this world.

Thank you all for your continued support. We will do our best to keep you

informed.

Hare Krishna.

Your indebted servants,

Caregivers of H.H. Bhakti-tirtha Swami

*************************

My path is very difficult. I am blind, and my feet are

slipping again and

again. Therefore, may the saints help me by granting

me the stick of their

mercy as my support.

- Srila Krishnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami

Brianfeather - May 11, 2005 4:52 pm

8th May 2005

Dear Maharajas, Prabhus and Disciples

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

This is the final letter that I will be sending out. Our movement is like a young adult. There are many things that everyone experiences, individuals as well as institutions that are part of the maturation process. As we grow, we also have to deal with growth pains. Often after these growth pains we experience the greatest benefits from our struggles, just like a mother who is pregnant and who is bringing forth children. Each time before she gives birth she has to deal with almost unbearable challenges. So we as an institution have experienced so many birth pains and challenges especially each time there is opportunity for major acceleration. Sometimes some of these tests institutionally and individually have heavily bewildered us, seriously wounded us and unfortunately, sometimes temporarily destroyed us. But we all know that there can not be serious growth and advancement without austerity. Prabhupada explains in the Bhagavatam that an easy life and Krishna consciousness go ill together.

Each of us has our own battle of Kuruksetra that we have to deal with. In any battlefield situation one can be victorious or one can be a failure, however, even when one is a failure it can be used to come back stronger at a later time. In a battlefield situation one is in the most dangerous environments where the most gruesome as well as the most noble things take place, but with good association the individual has more guarantee to be successful. We have been offered the very best strategy and association by our wonderful acaryas so really if we become failures it is ultimately our own fault. If we keep in good association even our temporary defeats will remind us but not define us. From these setbacks we should individually as well as collectively become stronger and hopefully wiser and more unified. It is important to remind ourselves that at the end of the day, all we really have is each other. Ultimately a genuine family is eager to see how to help each other, they share in the defeats and they share in the successes especially since devotees are para dukha dukhi.

So many of us have been pioneers. Pioneers naturally make sacrifices for future generations but ultimately they establish the foundation. The special mercy is all that we did is in our spiritual bank accounts. I have personally noticed that many devotees build up their spiritual investments and when it is almost time for them to benefit from their credits i.e. to receive empowerment and to accelerate by leaps and bounds in their consciousness, Maya finds a way to trick them so that they become unaware or unable to benefit from what is available at the right time. These kinds of tests bring a person to tremendous crossroads. At a crossroad we can take the path of success; more profound selfless devotion, offering oneself more intensely than ever before to Guru and to Krishna or, we can choose the path of selfishness, with all kinds of subtle attachments that will lead to downfall. My realization is that without sufficient humility and high quality association, many people will take the path of temporary failure. It seems that several of the recent serious fall downs in big places are connected with four major factors: aparadhas, a lack of humility, a lack of quality association and a lack of understanding of some of the dynamics of advancement (some of the great dark night of the soul challenges). As more of us raise the quality of our own consciousness, this will lead to consistent manifestations of deeper purity and we will have a greater impact on the environment. Just as Maya is contagious, authentic Bhakti is contagious.

I have made many mistakes in my devotional career especially in the area of being more sensitive to devotees needs. I feel I was given a special service in Srila Prabhupada’s mission to help the devotees to look closer at how to rise above anartha nivrtti. A lot of my focus in preaching was to care for and to help the devotees as best as I could, especially to help them to recognize their stagnations while they simultaneously develop the faith and technologies of how to be less and less distracted. I also feel that I was given a few special privileges and lots of help in addressing a small part of Srila Prabhupada’s mission on how to solve material problems with spiritual solutions. This required a certain style of presentation, it wasn’t so much that I sacrificed developing external sadhu qualities, but I think it had more to do with some of the ways I needed to function to go in like a needle and come out like an elephant. After all, it was these kinds of services, creative sankirtana, which constantly got me Srila Prabhupada’s favour when he was on the planet. This was one of the reasons I chose to leave my body in the west on the battlefield. Another reason was that I realized if a few more of the senior leaders left their bodies where there are major projects, this would play a significant role in helping to develop and secure those projects. What to speak of reminding ourselves that so much of Srila Prabhupada’s success was in establishing holy dhamas all around the world. The important thing in my humble opinion is, since the scriptural injunction states that one should always desire to live in the holy dhamas and one should leave their body in the holy dhamas, we understand that yes, it is physical, but more importantly it is a state of consciousness. We should never minimize the sacredness and the benefit of leaving our bodies in the holy dhama. So many wonderful special helpers are there in the holy dhamas to assist one with their transition. By the mercy of Srila Prabhupada all kinds of help for the devotee is arranged. I have shared with many of you, that one of my greatest realizations is that even when we think we are doing our best, it is still so insignificant, or that by the mercy of Krishna, Srila Prabhupada and their many helpers, they will maintain what we have and supply big time, what we are lacking. By the mercy of all of you, there are indications that I may be on my way back to the spiritual world in perhaps one or two weeks and I may also be able to continue to have some influence here to assist the mission.

I want to offer my apologies to all of you that I have offended, especially due to my often radical and unorthodox nature. I want to thank you so much for helping my life to be successful by allowing me in my own small way to offer myself up in sacrifice, somewhat in the mood of Vasudeva Datta to try to be the servant of the servant. Only by your constant prayers and the constant forcing of Srila Prabhupada in keeping me somewhat focused was I able to pass the final test. So I leave with you my funny mantra with its different variations. “We are all spiritual warriors, who are blessed by the best, and we have a duty to reach out more to help each other to pass their test.” In order to successfully deal with the pains of maturation, the birth pains, and our own battle of Kuruksetra, all of us really need more of each others protection, and that protection manifests more profoundly in how we allow ourselves to be conduits for Krishna’s and Srila Prabhupada’s mercy.

This experience of leaving the body is frightening and scary at times, full of surprises, pain, and inconveniences, but I also understand that so much of my suffering is just a token due to Srila Prabhupada’s mercy. When I look at all the people that Srila Prabhupada used me to assist in various ways, all of the inconveniences and suffering are surely worth it. So I will now go ahead and join some of those who have already left and help them in making arrangements for so many of you. Isn’t this powerful global inter-planetary family that we have so wonderful?

Lastly, let me say to my biological family, I want to thank all of you for allowing me to take birth in your family so I could hide out a little bit and do the special work that I was sent here to do in connection with previous lifetimes.

There should not be so much ambiguity after my departure as many things have been spoken or written down, for example, how my disciples and well-wishers should continue with various projects. Later there will be a posting of who to contact when one sends in their application for a health grant. The grants will be in gifts of one thousand to three thousand dollars for each legitimate request as long as the money is available. This amount is insignificant but it is just a token from me in an effort to use money that was sent from around the world to cover the cost of my health expenses. It is one way that I want to bring more attention to the fact that it is not just the leaders who should receive so much support, but each dedicated sadhu should be able to look forward to various support systems kicking in for them more and more in the future. When we think more about others’ welfare, Krishna will hear our prayers. He will help us to find more and better ways to do our part in serving our own communities as well as serving the world. We are not Salvationists, we do not want to just give assistance and love only to those of our same faith. We don’t want to be that pseudo spiritualist who just wants to facilitate their own kind. We want to be active agents for global consciousness raising. I love you all and will find even more ways to show it after I leave this body.

Yours in Srila Prabhupada’s Service

With Love

Bhakti Tirtha Swami

PS I want to thank all the wonderful Doctors, nurses, health practitioners and other care takers who assisted me throughout my sickness so nicely. Although you may not have been able to cure me of the disease, you surely healed me with your expert care and love.

Karnamrita Das - May 12, 2005 10:04 pm

I know we have had a lot of updates this week, but there won't be many more. Here is the lastest:

Date: Thu, 12 May 2005 01:28:40 +0000

From: "Madeleine Buhler-Rose"

<avadhutendu@hotmail.com>

Subject: UPDATE FROM CAREGIVERS OF H.H. BHAKTI-TIRTHA

MAHARAJA

Dear Beloved Devotees:

Please accept our humble obeisances. All glories to

Srila Prabhupada. All

glories to H.H. Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaja.

The arrival of H.H. Jaya Pataka Maharaja marked the

beginning of a festive

week in Gita-nagari Dhama. Maharaja spent a few hours

with Gurudeva in his

room, and read to Guru Maharaja from Caitanya

Caritamrita. In the evening,

H.H. Jaya Pataka Maharaja gave an inspiring class on

“vani seva” at the

Temple and at the end of the program, Maharaja

enlivened devotees by

spontaneously distributing cake (it was the birthday

of Hari Kirtana d. and

Krishna Shakti d.d.) and maha oil from Lord

Narasimhadeva in Mayapur.

Afterwards, Maharaja extended himself even more by

granting devotees darshan

until very late at night. The next morning (Mother’s

Day), Maharaja gave a

class from the Caitanya Caritamrita on Motherhood.

Maharaja left for Atlanta

immediately after the class. We were all so grateful

for Maharaja’s time,

association, and for his visiting our beloved

Gurudeva.

A few hours later an initiation yajna was held in the

Temple Room for

Gurudeva’s new initiates, who watched Gurudeva’s Vyasa

Puja initiation

lecture from earlier this year.

That evening, H.H. Radhanatha Maharaja, H.H.

Candramauli Maharaja, H.H.

Candrashekara Maharaja, H.H. Bhakti Marg Maharaja,

several of Srila

Prabhupada’s disciples, and many other devotees

arrived for the Sunday

afternoon class from the “Festival of Inspiration” in

New Vrindavana and

elsewhere; over two hundred devotees attended the

program. Gurudeva gave a

heart wrenching class on gratitude and he also had

everyone laughing when he

shared a few of the tricks he used to win all the

sports events at the

yearly Gita-nagari picnic. Gurudeva demonstrated

incredible strength and

power while speaking and was so happy to be with all

the devotees who came

from so many places to be with him.

After speaking, Gurudeva returned to his room and his

Godbrothers and

Godsisters kept the program going by sharing pastimes

about our beloved

Gurudeva. Guru Maharaja invited all of his Godbrothers

and Godsisters to

take prasadam at the House; after honoring prasada,

they all met with

Gurudeva for almost an hour. We are always in awe of

Gurudeva’s availability

in spite of his feeling so weak.

With the arrival of so many great souls, Gita-nagari’s

festive mood and

activities increased and the environment became

surcharged with enthusiasm,

care, and affection. The festive atmosphere still

remains, even though many

of the guests have left Gita Nagari. We are most

fortunate to still have

H.H. Radanatha Maharaja here with us, who is staying

to assist the devotees.

Gurudeva is gradually turning inwards and bringing

closure to all aspects of

his incredible life. One significant example of this

shift is Gurudeva

recent decision to stop all email correspondence.

Very soon, Mother Vrajalila and Ekavira will send out

a letter regarding

detailed arrangements for Gurudeva’s departure.

Once again, we are so grateful to each and every one

of you, who dedicate

yourself to Gurudeva’s mission in so many different

ways and places.

Your servants with love,

Cargivers of H.H. Bhakti-tirtha Swami

*************************

My path is very difficult. I am blind, and my feet are

slipping again and

again. Therefore, may the saints help me by granting

me the stick of their

mercy as my support.

- Srila Krishnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami

Brianfeather - May 17, 2005 10:14 pm

16 May 2005, New Vrindavan.

Today Radhanatha Maharaja came for few hours and he met devotees, he also met all the brahmcaries who are here from New York, Chicago, New Vrindavana. He showed us the letter of disciples of Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj, who are planning for his departure. It is amazing to see how Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja is very alert and conscious.

Radhanath Maharaj was saying that Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj requested him to stay till he passes away, and stay extra after his departure. Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj also said 'he wants leave his body in the arms of Radhanath Maharaja'. Radhanatha Maharaja is spending at least two to three hours with him alone. Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja told Radhanath Maharaj that he would leave this world before Monday. Maharaja just came for one day, he is going back tomorrow.

One of the hospice nurse had come there she told it is highly impossible that person can still live in this world in this condition. It is onlyspritual power which is sustaining his life. He is affecting the lives ofdevotees like never before. One of Srila Prabhupada's disciple told Radhanath Maharaj after meeting Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj " I've never seen person who is experiencing God so closely".

Radhanath Maharaj was mentioning that we cannot bless him but we should pray to the deities for gratefulness for what he is offering & by doing that Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja will pleased.

17 May 2005, Gita Nagari

We visited Gita nagari to hear and experience the powerful feeling of Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja's presence.

He came to Sri Radha-Damodara temple from his residence, which is 10 minutes drive. He started with very excited kirtan, as if he was about to leave his body chanting with great intensity "jaya jaya radhe jaya shyama jaya jaya sri vrindavan dham" and chanted jaya prabhupada. The whole temple went to great uproar people were crying, weeping, clapping.

He spoke on the subject of departure of great devotees, it was intense, everyone in the temple room was crying, tears were shooting from everyone's eyes as they were seeing him cry and speak. (please hear this lecture available at btswami.com )

When We came out of the temple, devotees while meeting each other, were not able to speak but cry and cry and cry. Radhanath Maharaja was mentioning that Bhakti Tirtha Maharaja was desiring to leave his body while singing, he said he was putting all of his enegry in the kirtana.

Radhanath Maharaja continues to stay with him, indefinitely.

some pictures I clicked yesterday there:

http://community.webshots.com/album/347038911TfxwBD

Karnamrita Das - May 18, 2005 2:23 am

Thanks for that update Brian. I have been meaning to share this for some days.

This is from 4 days ago:

Dear devotees, friends and well wishers,

Please accept our most humble obeisance.

All glories to Srila Bhakti Tirtha Swami our beloved Guru Maharaja.

All glories to ISKCON Founder Acharya Srila Prabhupada.

On behalf of all the caregivers, Ekavira Prabhu and I would like to thank

all of you for your love and support. Presently, our Guru Maharaja is

extremely weak and tired most of the time; however, his voice is still

quite strong. Each day we are reminded of the wonderful pastime of

Bhismadeva in the Mahabharata; as he laid on a bed of arrows, he continued

to inspire those great souls who came to see him by sharing words of

wisdom. Although Gurudeva's body is almost totally broken down, he is

still inspiring devotees all over the world.

Presently we do not have a timeline to share regarding when Gurudeva will

leave his body; however, we do want to share a brief summary of the

departure program.

We will start the program depending on the time that Gurudeva leaves his

body.

Devotees in the United States will be notified immediately via automated

voice message, the BTSwami List, and btswami.com (and are thus invited to

come to Gita-nagari immediately); devotees elsewhere will be notified via

the BTSwami List and btswami.com.

When Gurudeva leaves, his body will be bathed, dressed, and samadhi

mantras will be placed on his chest; H.H Radhanatha Maharaja and a few

other devotees will perform this rite.

During the bathing and dressing rites, devotees will chant soft bhajans at

Gurudeva's house.

Next, Gurudeva will be carried on a palanquin through the woods to the

Temple, accompanied by a procession of devotees performing kirtan.

When the devotees arrive at the Temple, Gurudeva's body will be brought

before Srila Prabhupada and offered Srila Prabhupada's maha garland and

candan.

Next, Gurudeva's body he will be brought before Sri Sri Radha Damodara,

where the pujari wlll place a maha garland on Gurudeva.

The palanquin and Guru Maharaja's body will then be placed on a specially

made bed in front of the Deities.

Simple puja will then be performed, followed by puspanjali and maha-arati;

during maha-arati, Gurvastikam, and Guruvandanam, devotees can offer

garlands and flowers to Gurudeva's body; after the arati is completed,

devotees may circumambulate Gurudeva's body.

**Please bring flower garlands and flowers with you to be offered to Guru

Maharaja.**

Flower garlands will be removed from Guru Maharaja's body before being

taken to the crematorium; the flower garlands will be saved for the puspa

samadhi. Three devotees will accompany Gurudeva's body to the crematorium.

On the weekend following Gurudeva's departure, a short program will

include: a feast in honor of Gurudeva, memory katha, and the ground

breaking ceremony for the Samadhi Mandir.

In two to three months, an extended festival will be held to commemorate

the opening of the Puspa Samadhi Mandir in Gita-nagari.

Gurudeva's ashes will be taken to Sri Mayapura Dhama to be placed in

samadhi. The main festival will be held at the opening of the Samadhi in

Mayapura.

If you have questions please write to Brahma Muhurta

(b@...), Vrajalila (Vrajalila.bts@...), or Cintamani

(jparks@...).

Your aspiring servants with love,

Ekavira, Vrajalila, and Brahma Muhurta

Panchatattva - May 19, 2005 10:29 pm

"Flower garlands will be removed from Guru Maharaja's body before being

taken to the crematorium; the flower garlands will be saved for the puspa

samadhi. Three devotees will accompany Gurudeva's body to the crematorium."

I'm wondering about the decision to cremate. Is that the only thing that is allowed in America? Why are generally sannyasis supposed to be buried?

Radhanama Dasa - May 20, 2005 1:15 am

I'm wondering about the decision to cremate.

4858[/snapback]

Here is some further explanation of the decision to cremate from Brahma Muhurta Das:

Dear Devotees,

Please accept my humble obeisance. All glories to Srila Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaja. All glories to ISKCON founder-acarya Srila Prabhupada.

After the departure program of our beloved Spiritual Master was posted, the question regarding the legitimacy of cremating the Spiritual Master or a sannyasi, has become a topic of discussion on message boards, in telephone conversations, and in personal communications. The focus of these discussions is specifically in relationship to the samadhi rites of Srila Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaja. Given that I was asked by Srila Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaja to do the preliminary research in Mayapura and to oversee his final rites; I have been asked to address this question.

Most of my research was conducted under the guidance of Srila Bhakti-vidya-purna Swami Maharaja in Sridhama Mayapura, who is one of the foremost authorities on samskaras, rituals, and vedic culture in ISKCON; additionally, he has supervised the translations and publications of several books on this matter.

While conducting this research, both Maharaja and I realized that because spiritual masters and/or sannyasis did not traditionally depart in the West, there was not much precedence or clear way of performing these rites. One main dilemma was the burial. When a sannyasi passes, he is generally placed in a deep pit and covered with salt; afterwards, a monument (the samadhi) is built above the pit . In India, this is usually done with little or no threat to legality or future security of the site; however, in the U.S.A., this is not so simple. Burial laws vary from state to state and there are many. One must follow different local laws and detailed procedures. Gita-nagari still has an outstanding mortgage and the land is technically owned by the bank. Our research has shown that it is not advisable, neither is it permissible (Gita-nagari does not have local authorization for a cemetery site) to have a burial on land that is not privately owned.

After careful research, contemplation, and lengthy discussions with Srila Bhakti-vidya-purna Swami Maharaja and full agreement by Srila Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaja it was concluded that we cremate Srila Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaja's body and bring his ashes to Mayapura to be put into samadhi.

Now the question comes up of whether or not cremating a sannyasi or spiritual master is a bona fide practice; many are quite aware that Srila Gopala Bhatta Goswami (citing smrti sastras in his Hari-bhakti-vilasa) specifically mentions that sannyasis and spiritual masters are eligible for "full body" samadhi and thus conclude that these personalities cannot be or should not be cremated. One point that should be emphasized: "full body" samadhi is an option for these personalities, but it is not absolute and mandatory. In his handbook for those in the renounced order, Samskara-dipika, which was translated and printed by Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura, republished by Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura, and is used by all Gaudiya Vaishnavas. Srila Gopala Bhatta Goswami gives instruction on the burial:

The body may be placed in tirtha water or in a hole in the earth, which should be one step larger than the height of the person.[Alternatively] If the body has been burnt, the ashes or bones should be taken to a holy tirtha and there placed in earth.

Srila Goswami Maharaja gives this instruction verifying that at the time of Samskara-dipika's compilation, cremation was common--so much so that he included instructions regarding cremation of sannyasis and spiritual masters in his authoritative text.

To support his suggestion of cremation due to time, place, and circumstance, Srila Bhakti-vidya-purna Swami Maharaja related that Srila Jiva Goswami cremated a Srila Krsnadasa Kaviraja, Srila Raghunatha Dasa Goswami and Raghunatha Bhatta Goswami to avoid desecration by the Muslim invaders. In our more recent Vaishnava history, Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura was also cremated and his ashes were sent from Jagannatha Puri (were he departed) to Mayapura to be put into samadhi some months after he departed. Thus, it is clear that the bodies of acaryas in our own line were indeed cremated in the past.

Another common question that may need to be addressed is: Why should his ashes go to Mayapura and not remain in Gita-nagari? The first and foremost answer to this, and to any other procedural question is, this is the desire of Srila Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaja. Although Maharaja is quite weak he has been personally involved with all of these arrangements; from picking out and approving his own urn to the spot of his puspa samadhi etc. Secondly, as with the "full body" samadhi, we are concerned with the permanence of Srila Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaja's samadhi; under some unfortunate potential circumstance, we would not want to move his remains (body or ashes) around uncecessarily. Instead, Maharaja chose to have the pupsa samadhi in Gita-nagari. The samadhi will be constructed so that the container with the flowers could be accessed and removed in cases of emergency. There is no difference between the puspa samadhi and the samadhi containing his remains. Srila Prabhupada's puspa samadhi in Mayapura is arguably a much grander building than his "full body" samadhi in Vrindavana and he is just as present in Mayapur. Srila Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja's home is certainly Gita-nagari; however, he is also part of a grander ISKCON and wanted his remains alongside his god-brothers and Srila Prabhupada in Mayapura.

Thank you once again for all of your concerns; this is a very difficult time for all of us. It is so encouraging to see how many devotees care about the welfare of Srila Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaja and it so helpful in our service to have all of your feedback.

Your servant as always,

Brahma Muhurta Dasa

Panchatattva - May 20, 2005 2:26 pm

Thanks for that info.

Karnamrita Das - June 2, 2005 5:31 pm

There have been a few other updates since this one but I decided to not include them.....Here is the most recent:

Message: 3

Date: Wed, 1 Jun 2005 19:53 -0400

From: "Vrajalila (dd) BTS (Gita Nagari - US)"

<Vrajalila.BTS@pamho.net>

Subject: Gurudeva's health update

Dear Devotees, friends and well wishers,

Please accept our most humble obeisance

All glories to our beloved Spiritual Master

All glories to ISKCON Founder Acharya Srila Prabhupada

Recently a letter was posted by Citisakti informing everyone of Gurumaharaja's present decision to enter into 'nirjana bhajan'.

We will continue to update you on his daily activities during this most important time of his transition.

This past Sunday was Gurudeva's last class. He was joined by a few Sannyasi godbrothers, and Vrkesvara Pandit Prabhu.

This was the first time H.H Gunagrani Maharaja had come to Gita Nagari in

years, Gurudeva was especially happy to see him, when Gurudeva introduced

Maharaja to all the devotees he shared a few pizza pastimes with him and

H.H. Gunagrani Maharaja in Argentina.

This last class was really intense, please go to BTSwami.com to read the

entire class.

Back at the Institute, after the Temple program, Gurudeva had his last

meeting with his sannyasi godbrothers that came to Gita Nagari to be in

his association.

H.H. Gunagrani Maharaja got really inspired and agreed to prepare his special pizza for all his godbrothers the next day. This was such a sweet exchange, while waiting to serve his godbrothers hot pizza, Maharaja joined the bhajan team outside Gurudeva's room and played his drum. The next morning Maharaja and Vrkesvara Pandit Prabhu had H.H Bhaktivaibhava Maharaja and all the devotees in the Temple dancing ecstatically, before he gave a short Bhagavatam class.

After Sunday, Gurudeva has become much more internal, he has fixed his

consciousness on meditating mostly on japa, bhajans, pastimes and more

pastimes.

He is sleeping a little longer now, for 3 to 4 hours at a time, however the cancer is causing him much more pain in his leg and back, two days ago we had to increase his pain medications. He is still honoring some prasadam, however each day it is less and longer periods in between meals.

Most importantly though, Gurudeva is absorbed in constanly hearing and viewing activities of Krsna in Vraja. He is anxiously waiting to exit his body, looking forward to Srila Prabhupada escorting him to his final destination. He is happy.

This is a wonderful time for all his disciples to join Gurudeva in his meditations. Perhaps for us before we sleep or if we get some time in the day we can either read, listen to a tape, or view a video of Krsna in Vraja so that we can also transport our consciousness for those moments to Vraja. Remember when we were all praying for Gurudeva when we learned he had cancer, when he got his leg amputated, how connected we all were internally and externally with our focus on Guru and Krsna at that time. Perhaps in that same mood we can meditate on Krsna's pastimes more intensely.

H.H Holiness Radanatha Maharaja spends a few hours with Gurumaharaja every

day, these hours are extremely precious for our Gurumaharaja, and also for

all the caregivers. We feel so fortunate to have this wonderful opportunity to prepare lunch for Maharaja each day and for him to extend his mercy to us by making himself easily available. Maharaja has also been inspiring all the devotees with his instructional classes, and his sweet bhajans.

We were all sad that H.H. Bhativaibhava Maharaja had to leave, he gave the

most wonderful classes, and the devotees were all eager to serve him. Maharaja is so humble, he gave the devotees his association in ways that we will never forget him. We were most fortunate to have him in Gita Nagari with us during this time.

We will send another update soon.

Your servants

The caregivers

Karnamrita Das - June 12, 2005 1:18 am

As of last Thursday:

Message: 2

Date: Thu, 9 Jun 2005 22:50:35 EDT

From: psukta@aol.com

Subject: Update on Gurudeva

Dear Prabhus

Please accept my humble obeisances, all glories to

Gurumaharaja, all glories

to ISKCON founder-acarya Srila Prabhupada!!!

Last night and early this morning Gurumaharajs vital

signs were very low.

This means his blood pressure was very low, his pulse

was high and his

tempurature high. This vital level could not maintain

a physical body for very long,

and is usually a sign that the body is shutting down.

As the day progressed,

Gurumaharaj's vitals improved, and are currently

stable. He is weak and has

eaten very little (which is common these days).

Still, he ate his tofu-ice

cream.

Gurumaharaj has been joking a lot. His mood is

peaceful and happy, as he

remarked today "I am waiting for my chariot to come".

The sweet Krsna magic came forth in such a special way

today, with the

unexpected appearnace of some very unique and exalted

Braja basis. This group of

devotees is from Varsana, the birth place of Srimati

Radharani, and HH

Radhanatha Swami has known them from his time in Vraja

before he joined ISKCON. Of all

the possible places in the world and all the possible

times, these rare

devotees happened to be in Harisburg PA (:45 minutes

away from Gurumaharaj)!!

Somehow HH Radhantah Swami found out a couple of days

ago of their presence locally,

and arranged for them to come to the Institue House to

chant for Gurumaharaj.

HH Radhanath Swami has such a deep relationship with

these devotees. They

are all so genuine, humble, loving - adorned with all

the sweet and serene

qualities of a real Krsna-bhakta. As they were taken

in HH Radhanatha Swamis Van,

spontaneously Maharaj began discussing with them such

a vivid description of

Akrura taking Krsna from Vrndavana.

With Maharaj these Vraja basis came into Gurudevas

quarters. They began to

chant Braj basi bhajans about Srimati Radharani.

There was one flute player.

As soon as Maharaj heard the flute he began crying,

and continued for around

20 minutes. They chanted mostly bhajans about Srimati

Radharani. Gurumaharaj

was so please and exstatic. He said - "today

Vrndavana came to me".

There are so many special instances were the spiritual

world becomes more

overt in the Institute house. The other day

Gurumaharaj was requesting more

picture of Vrndavan and of the Vraj-basis. In their

thoughtfullness of catering

to Gurudevas wishes, the care givers became prayerful

of coming upon a way to

cover up the large book shelf that offers a somewhat

blank glare at Gurudeva

throughout the day. Several days latter our

Godborther Isana Gaura comes with a

large canvas picture of Radha and Krsna, just big

enough to cover the

bookshelf

We will be sending out daily reports now.

We hope everyone is blissfully "dying" on their

battlefiled, as Gurumaharaj

is dying on His.

May we all die before we die.

Your servant,

Purusa-sukta das

Karnamrita Das - June 13, 2005 1:24 am

There are two updates posted here to bring us up to date.

Message: 2

Date: Fri, 10 Jun 2005 22:57:13 EDT

From: psukta@aol.com

Subject: BTSwami daily update #2

Dear Prabhus,

Please accept my humble obeisances, all glories to His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha

Swami, all glories to ISKCON founder-acarya Srila Prabhupada!

Last night Gurudeva slept well, 6 hrs staight. His vital signs are stable, while some bodily functions are slowing down. He took a lot of fluids today.

Bascially everyday Gurumaharaj is in aniticipation to return home.

It is taking him a much longer time to chant his rounds. Radhanatha Maharaj

extolled Gurudeva as a modern day example of Hari Das Thakur. And at the end

of the day Ekavira Prabhu remarked "for me the thing that stuck out the most

today was his example, his chanting of his rounds. He is doing it for us, to set an example. He is not just sick, he is dying. Yet in this condition he is chanting his perscribed rounds just to set and example for us." Up until recently Gurudeva was chanting 20 rounds daily, in addition to continuous hearing of lila. He is continuing with 16 rounds.

Today a 24 hr kirtana at the Institute house began. In the living room

select bhajaneers, usually duets, chanted very softly for Gurudeva throughout the

day and into the night, a short distance from his bedroom.

In general Gurudeva was, as Vrajalila described, more grounded in his body. In the morning and afternoon he was encountering a good deal of discomfort.

Gurumaharaj hardly ate anything until HH Radhanath Swami came around 4:30pm. Gurudeva was feeling very fatigued. Usually Maharaj will meet with Gurudeva and then take prasadam seperately, however today Gurudeva requested that Maharaj take prasadam with him in his room. At his usual moderate pace Radhanath Swami eventually finshed honoring prasadam to find

Gurudeva had a long ways to go. As Maharaj walked back to his vehicle he

remarked to his servant "that was amazing, Bhakti-tirtha Maharaj was so fatigued

when I went in there, he was eating so slow, but once we started getting into some topics (about Krsna), he became fillied with energy, and sat up enlivened

and got right into it." Among other things, Radhantha Swami chanted one song

by Narotama das thakur, and they read the translation together

Yesterday a similar incident took place when Gurudevas vital signs went so low. His speech became slurred, his hands were cold. Then, all of a sudden he

sat up and started directing the devotees on how the room should be arranged

for his departure. He directed things with vigor until everything was in the

proper harmony. Then Varajalila remarked to Gurudeva "your life air has come

back", Gurumaharaj then sighed with disappointment

As Gurudeva retired for the evening he said that from a scale from 1-10 his

pain is a 2 or a 3. He is situated nicely. He remarked to Vraja Lila "So do

not worry, it is all in Krsna's time." He was smilling.

Afterwards some of the care takers were relishing a video made by Isana Gaura

Prabhu. This is a slide show on DVD, with images of Gurudeva along with

Srila Prabhupada and Their Lordships. They are going through such a deep personal service. They are not just with Gurudeva physically, they are following along spiritually. May we also follow in their footsteps.

May we all die before we die

Your servant,

Purusa-sukta das

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Date: Sun, 12 Jun 2005 00:00:35 EDT

From: psukta@aol.com

Subject: Update on HH BTSwami - 6/11/05

Dear Prabhus,

Please accept my humble obiesances, all glories to ISKCON founder-acarya

Srila Prabhupada, all glories to His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami.

Last night (Friday night) Gurumaharaj was graced with a good nights rest. He

slept a full 8hrs! He also slept a little more, latter in the morning. His bodily functions are continuing to slow down. His vital signs were the same

as yesterday (stable).

Before taking rest Friday night Brahma-mahurta Prabhu read the Govardhana

Lila to Gurudeva, and as Gurumaharaj slept the naration continued. This particular naration (not informed to me) details the loving interactions Lord Sri

Krsna had with the myriad devotees accompanying Him under Govardhana. The 24 hr kirtan, implemeted that day, also accompanied Gurudeva into his rest. He

praised the sweetness of the kirtan and its soothing voices.

After rising Saturday Gurudeva absorbed himself in chanting japa, which

continued for quite sometime. Then he met with HH Radhanatha Swami around 5:15pm. Again they took prasadam together. This is a very special time of

Gurumaharaja's day, his realtionship with Maharaj being so unique; such a deep and intimate friendship. They passed their meal with many sweet humorous exchanges - transcedental joking. Gurumaharaj ate a full meal. HH Radhanath Swami spent nearly two hours with Gurudeva, having katha. They were reading and discussing from one song book (not informed to me).

Gurumaharaj was in anticipation for the special event to take place in the evening. After their meeting, Radhanatha Swami was to go into the living room

and sing bhajans with all the local devotees for Gurudeva, as he rested in his

room. The caregivers arrnaged for this only earlier in the day. Still it was nicely organized, and so many devotees attended. Gopal Prabhu decorated the

living room with Large Krsna art paintings from the temple room, and Devavati

Prabhu made many beautiful flower arrangements. All the devotees who

attended were able to sit comfortably and emerss themselves in the bhajan. As I

scanned the room from the front, to see how the devotees were enjoying the

kirtana, I came to the conclusion that Vraja Lila Prabhu was relishing it the most.

At one point she got up and lightly danced. She was all the way in the very back. It is said that the further down the transcendental chain one goes (das das das anudas...) one derives a greater extent of spiritual pleasure. Vraja Lila was certainly in a mood of pleasing all of the devotees there. It is so nice to see such unity and Vaisnava seva happening at this time. How pleasing this must be to Gurumaharaj. May it only increase!

May we all become emerssed in the nectar ocean of

Vaisnava seva.

We hope everyone is blissfully "dying" on their battlefiled, as Gurumaharaj is dying on His.

May we all die before we die.

Your servant,

Purusa-sukta das

Karnamrita Das - June 19, 2005 6:00 pm

These updates come out everyday now, but I don't want to overwhelm anyone, though I just talked to a friend who just visited BTS and his caregivers seem to think he will leave his body within days.

Message: 4

Date: Sat, 18 Jun 2005 12:09:22 EDT

From: psukta@aol.com

Subject: Update on Gurudeva, 6/17-18

The Journal of the Final Pastimes of His Holiness

Bhakti-tirtha Swami.

Friday 6/17 through Saturday morning 6/18.

The caregivers report that Gurudeva´s increased pain

is coming under control.

They are still working with it, slightly increasing

the pain medication

yesterday. For brunch Gurudeva ate 3 pieces of pizza,

some non-dairy ice cream

and cookies (Jai!). In the evening he ate very

little. He woke at 4:15 this

morning, after plenty of rest. As of 9:00am his

vitals are stable.

In the late morning His Holiness Radhanatha Swami came

over. Maharaj was

stopping by to get permission from Gurudeva to go to a

program he was scheduled

to do in Potomac (Washington D.C.), scheduled now

since 3 months. This program

was arranged by Gauravani Prabhu and his wife

Vrndarani Prabhu, for other

Gurukulis to join with them in honoring prasadam and

extensively relishing the

holy name with Maharaj. The program was to take place

in the comfort of

Gauravani and Vrndarani Prabhu´s large and scenic back

yard. Maharaj was considering

that Gurudeva´s health may be too poor them to be

separated for a whole day.

When he asked if he should go, Gurudeva immediately

replied with hearty

conviction, "You must go! You must go and represent us

both!". Before Maharaj

departed, Gurudeva again remarked, "I am so grateful

that you can go and

represent me also."

Gurudeva is still focused on chanting the holy names

and hearing Krsna´s

pastimes, and everyday he expresses appreciation for

the devotees chanting in the

24 kirtana. Yesterday afternoon he viewed a

production by Bhurijan Prabhu of

Gurukuli children chanting bhajan and reciting

Prabhupada lila from the

condensed Lilamrta. When Gurudeva heard these

Gurukulis chanting he received so much

pleasure. A broad smile came upon his face and he

remarked "the kid´s

kirtana is so amazing".

For maybe the first time in his devotional life

Gurudeva slept during the day

yesterday. As expected, fatigue comes with the dying

process. Still

Gurudeva was always so adamant to not waste his any of

his time in Srila Prabhupada´s

service (not sleeping during the day, not even a

snap!). During his bout

with cancer and his process of dying he has always

fought the tendency to sleep

during the day, with great determination. Yesterday

afternoon however, he

could not avoid resting his body, and slept for nearly

five hours. Upon

wakening Gurudeva looked at his watch, which read

8:00. It was still daylight out,

much like it is in the morning time. So upon reading

his watch Gurudeva

remarked "Ok, good I can get up and start chanting".

In response Ekavira Prabhu

said "Ok Gurudeva, but its not 8am - its 8PM!" To

this Gurudeva´s eyes

widened and he smiled, he was doubtful, "You´re

kidding?! Don´t play with me!" "

We are serious Gurudeva" Ekavira replied. With some

amazement and disbelief

Gurudeva questioned, "You guys! Are you serious!?!"

This exchange went on

for a good 15-20 minutes, Gurudeva was in a rather

humors and innocent state of

disbelief. With his smile and wide eyes he kept

looking around lightly

expressing his disbelief to the caregivers present.

Finally when Gurudeva saw that

the sun was in motion to set for the evening he

accepted the caregivers notion

of time.

The caregivers are noting that Gurudeva´s smile, which

was always so

brilliant and empowering, is much deeper and animated

these days. When he smiles

nowadays his eyes light up so brightly, and his

eyebrows often dance.

May we all die before we die

May the life and wisdom of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha

Swami always comfort us.

On behalf of the caregivers of HH Bhakti-tirtha Swami,

Your servant,

Purusa-sukta das

Jason - June 22, 2005 5:58 am

Haribol!

I received this is an e-mail today. I thought it was really nice. It was written by HG Krsna-ksetra prabhu (an initiating spiritual master in ISKCON).

a pranama prayer (some of you have already seen) we recently

>composed for HH Bhaktitirtha Swami, in tristubh metre (like Bg 2.7)

>(capital

>letters indicate where some form of diacritic mark should go; n, s, t, r &

>h

>would have a 'dot' underneath, a, i, would have a long line above, m would

>have a dot above):

>

>bhakty-ambhodhi-vardhana-mArga-draSTaH

>sutIrtha-kRpAlu-hRt-padma svAmin

>sva-tAraNAtuSTaM tejo-mayaM tvAM

>dayA-vRSTi-ghana-SyAmaM namAmi

>

>I offer my humble obeisance unto that dark, (yet) brilliant raincloud of

>mercy, His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami Mahäräja, who is never satisfied to

>be liberated by himself. O master! You are a true visionary, seeing the

>way

>to expand the ocean of devotion, (since) your magnanimous heart is a

>veritable holy place (of the Lord's transcendental pastimes)! [note:

>Ghanasyama Das was Maharaja's name in his previous ashrama].

Karnamrita Das - June 22, 2005 1:19 pm

Here is the latest update.

Message: 9

Date: Tue, 21 Jun 2005 17:45:43 EDT

From: psukta@aol.com

Subject: Update on Gurudeva, 6/20-21

The Journal of the Final Pastimes of His Holiness

Bhakti-tirtha Swami, June

20 - 21 morning.

Today was a very special day.

Yesterday evening Gurudeva rested about 6 hrs. He woke at 4:10am and could

not sleep anymore. He was in pain. He had perspired a lot up until evening,

and had symptoms of dehydration. The caregivers carefully sat Gurudeva up and

provided ice chips and water for him. His vitals had fluctuated, and latter stabilized. He was enduring severe pain, and spoke of it increasing to quite a

high level. The caregivers provided the suitable medication, but it didn´t subside. At 8am Gurudeva expressed that he wanted to talk to the devotees.

Despite being in such acute and intense pain physically, at this point his main concern was meeting with the devotees. To ensure that this meeting would

be of the best quality, in extreme pain, Gurudeva decided not to take his

scheduled pain medication, lest it interfere with his outward cognition. He also

expressed a concern about the devotees being overly affected in seeing his

marked physical deterioration. Ekavira Prabhu reassured Gurudeva "by speaking

to the devotees they would be greatful."

A message had been sent out to the community in Gita Nagari that around

8:30am Gurudeva would be holding an Istagosthi at the Institute House at 9:30am. All the devotees assembled. Nanda sunu Prabhu, Gurudeva´s former secretary and one of his beloved Gurukuli disciples from England was leading a very sweet bhajan. As Gurudeva was getting ready to go out, Vraja lila Prabhu said "Go for it Gurudeva, go for it!" Gurudeva shook his head, like an innocent child.

Gurudeva entered the assembly of devotees carried on his chair. In the time

since devotees saw him last week his physical appearance had deteriorated. He

physically appears so frail and weak. Upon sitting, Gurudeva´s face revealed

his great appreciation for all the devotees present physically, and those

present otherwise. He spent sometime catching his breath, all the while simply

appreciating all the devotees with simple, sweet and charming glances. He took

care to see that Radhanatha Swami was situated comfortably, and then he spoke.

Gurudeva´s voice was very faint, and his cadence was in concert with his breath; slow and uneven. He said "I do not have much breath left. that is beautiful". Some moments went by. "Krsna is letting us know that our time is over. How wonderful this is, how glorious this is, how fortunate we are.." He expressed deep appreciation for the devotees. He shared that his chariot is waiting for him.

Gurudeva was perspiring due to fever, and Ekavira and Druva Prabhu were

periodically wiping his face. He asked them to fan him, and joked "don´t think

they are worshiping me". He said this a few times. "Don´t think they are

worshiping me ..... because pretty soon all of you will be in this hot seat". One

devotee then fanned Gurudeva with the peacock fan, but it was a little too intense. Gurudeva then asked "maybe use the camara fan". Then he made a joking comment that this was good because the camara is a little less prestigious

than the peacock fan.

In his talk Gurudeva tried to explain his situation to the devotees. This talk was another very special and unique mood. Gurudvea has been so weak, and now, in the climax of his pain and from a seated position (the most painful of all positions for Gurudeva), he was giving himself to connect with and help the devotees and the world. He expressed that in his humble opinion, the pain was too much for him to bear, and from there he shared his concern for the pain of others. He remarked how he was aware of the pain and suffering of humanity and the devotees, and prayed to be used to help others deal with their pain. He said, "So many people are in pain, so many, and they don´t have anyone to care for them, they don´t have a support system". He was crying. For sometime he spoke of his concern for the suffering and pain of others, and how his current affliction is something that has come forth to help others.

At this the devotees became emotional, so touched by this fathomless love and

compassion exuding from Gurudeva. This compassion was known to everyone

there, but it never ceases to be amazing. And to see it expressed again in this

condition, where Gurudeva had every bit of reason to be concerned with himself -

was deeply moving for everyone present.

Gurudeva did not want the devotees to become sad. Shortly after the emotions

of the devotees came forth, Gurudeva decided to return to his room. He said

he did not know when exactly he would leave, but it was sometime soon. Today,

tomorrow, a few days...

The full transcription of this darsan will come out by this evening.

Upon Gurudeva´s exit, Vrakesvara Pandit Prabhu, who Gurudeva has expressed

such heartfelt appreciation for throughout his several months of staying here,

solaced everyone with the holy names.

Meanwhile, Gurudeva was situated in his room, and he and Radhanatha Swami had a very sweet exchange. Maharaj told Gurudeva "Today is the most auspicious day, the chariot has already arrived". Then Gurudeva confided, "I am like Druva Maharaj, I don´t want to go back without my friend". Then one devotee commented "Gurudeva there will be so many friends there with you". Then Gurudeva said "No I want to go with my big friend, my Maha friend". Radhanatha Swami assured that Gurudeva could take him in his heart.

(there is no certainty that Gurudeva will leave today. Up until now he is stable. We will keep you posted)

May we all die before we die

May the final pastimes of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha

Swami always be

remembered.

On behalf of the care givers of His Holiness

Bhakti-tirtha Swami,

Your servant,

Purusa-sukta das

Karnamrita Das - June 25, 2005 12:19 pm

The latest update:

Date: Fri, 24 Jun 2005 20:17:23 -0400

From: psukta@aol.com

Subject: Update on Gurudeva - 6/23-24

The Journal of the Final Pastimes of His Holiness

Bhakti-tirtha Swami. June 24-25 morning.

Yesterday the 24 hour kirtana was taken into

Gurudeva?s room. Nanada Sunu and Bhuta Bhavan Prabhu chanted

for Gurudeva, very near to his bed.

That morning Srila Radhanatha Swami happened to come

early, to see how Gurudeva was doing. Then a special

opportunity came up, for the caregivers happened to

arrange for devotees to chant inside Gurudevas room, thus

changing the normal schedule, leaving an open space in

the next kirtana time slot. Hearing this, Srila

Radhanatha Swami expressed that he would like to chant. He

came in and joined Bhuta Bhavana and Nanda Sunu in

front of Gurudeva. He would come in and out of Gurudeva's

room, and near the end of their time Maharaj took over

the kirtana. Bhuta Bhavana and Nanda Sunu decided to

stay. Maharaj took the mrdanga and began singing from

the songs of the Vaisnava Acaryas song book. He would

sing one bhajan and then continue to next one. In this

way, over the next three hours he proceeded through

practically the entire song book. Maharaj?s Mrdnaga

playing was artful, impressing all those who could hear.

Bhuta Bhavana Prabhu and Nanada Sunu stayed the whole

time, which means they chanted for 6 hrs straight

without a break (without eating or drinking yet that day).

Maharaj said. "I went in there to relieve them, and

they just kept chanting."

Earlier that day Gurudeva discussed with the

caregivers different possibilities of remaining active

throughout the day. As Gurudeva?s body is so frail and pained

it is important that he be repositioned regularly,

lest he develop sores. One option came up of going

outside into the living room, where Gurudeva could be

situated on a daybed. Gurudeva liked this idea and agreed to

it. The caregivers arranged for Bali Maharaj and a few

other devotees to have the daybed brought upstairs and

prepared for Gurudeva to use in the early afternoon.

Sometime passed in the absorption of kirtan, and then

Radhanatha Swami invited Gurudeva to proceed outside.

As the caregivers were making the arrangements

Gurudeva asked that Maharaj come outside to do kirtana there.

"No Maharaj, we will stay here to lead you on

processiona", Radhanatha Swami replied. Then Maharaj played

the Mrdanga in a very robust and festival mood. Gurudeva

entered the living room, amidst a crowd of ten or so

devotees. Uncomfortable with lying down in bed in the

company of so many devotees, Gurudeva asked to remain

seated.

In the company of the devotees Gurudeva personally

acknowledged each devotee, gradually looking to each of

them. He was noticeably weaker then even a few days

ago, having hardly eaten or drank in three days. He could

hardly talk. The Kirtana continued, lead by Nanda

Sunu. Gurudeva relished this kirtana, closing his eyes and

moving his head from side to side. Around 3:45

Gurudeva stopped the kirtana and attempted to speak:

Very faintly Gurudeva said: "So, just now Krsna has

given me a house". Radhanatha Swami replied softly "Wow,

did you hear that? Krsna just gave Maharaj a house.

Yes, house also means home. Go back home Maharaj, back

to Godhead. Krsna is there, and the cowherd boys and

the forests, and Srila Prabhupada is holding the door

for you!" Then Gurudeva?s Godbrother Lokavaranam Prabhu

came in and sat down close to Gurudeva. Lokavaranam

has been very supportive of Gurudeva?s preaching in West

Africa. Sitting there he began to cry. Then Gurudeva

said "Lokavaranam says I must stay". Radhanath Swami

then said "Go through the door Maharaj" Gurudeva replied

"That?s true, I must go through that door". It was

very difficult for the devotees to understand what

Gurudeva was saying as he could hardy move his mouth.

Gurudeva was straining to vocalize. Maharaj was holding

Gurudeva?s hand. Spontaneously Radhanatha Swami began to

chant Hare Krsna in a pace for unison japa. Soon all

the devotees present joined him. The collective

consciousness was so focused. Already Gurdueva?s compelling

presence had captured the minds of everything in the

room, and now that focus was placed on the Maha Mantra.

The atmosphere was electrified by the holy names. After

ten minutes the unison chanting stopped and Gurudeva

commented, "Nice chanting". Then Radhantha Swami asked

"Would you like us to chant kirtna for you?" Gurudeva

replied with childlike eagerness, "Please". Then

Radhanatha Maharaja began singing Yasomati Nandana, all the

while holding Gurudeva?s hand. Latter Gurudeva

remarked that "All that needs to be said has been said".

Gurudeva has not taken food, and pracitcally no water

since yesterday morning. He just receives a soaked

spounge to moisturize his mouth throughout the day

(naturally he drinks some of that water). He was in a lot of

pain this morning, so the caregivers repositioned him

frequently. His vitals are stable, though they have

fluctuated here and there.

May we all die before we die

May the life and legacy of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha

Swami always be remembered!

On behalf of the caregivers of His Holiness

Bhakti-tirhta Swami,

Your servant,

Purusa-sukta das

P.S. Many thanks to all the devotees who are helping

me with their notes and testimonies! It?s a team effort

here!!

Sadhupriya - June 26, 2005 6:31 am

Haribol!

Pranam & dandavat. Jaya Srila Prabhupada!

My name is Manohara das and I am a little disciple of H.H Bhakti-Tirtha Swami. I am the Canadian phone volunteer to call the various temples in my country when my Gurudeva will leave the body and I was looking for Audarya's phone number at the website but could not find it. Can someone send me a pm or an email and give me Audarya's phone # so that Srila Maharaja and the devotees will get the news?

Thank you very very much for any help!

Have a wonderful day!

(Chota) Manohara das

Sorry for the frenchglish....

Karnamrita Das - June 26, 2005 4:01 pm

For those of us who know BTS seeing these pictures are sobering and remind me of how Prabhupada looked in his last days. If you are interested a link to the lastest pics of BTS is given here. Following that is the latest update.

Message: 3

Date: Sat, 25 Jun 2005 18:31:50 -0000

From: "nandasunu_das" <nanda.sunu@pamho.net>

Subject: new photos of Gurudeva

Dear Devotees,

PAMHO, AGTGD+SP

Photos of Gurudeva from two days ago are now on

btswami.com. You can

access them here:

http://www.btswami.com/images/gallery/index.php?dir=./Darshan%2023%0June%2005

ys, Nanda Sunu dasa

Message: 4

Date: Sat, 25 Jun 2005 18:05:09 EDT

From: psukta@aol.com

Subject: update on gurudeva 6/24-25

The Journal of the Final Pastimes of His Holiness

Bhakti-tirtha Swami. June

24-25 morning.

On a physical level Gurudeva is in great pain and his

body is breaking down.

He is much less responsive to things happening in his

external surroundings,

he can hardly speak, and is very weak. At the same

time his vitals are

practically normal.

Over the past few days much more than ever before the

caregivers have to

frequently reposition Gurudeva to help alleviate some

of his pain. Yesterday the

pain just persisted despite all possible solutions

attempted. The caretakers

were mulling over different ideas of how to lessen his

pain, and the idea of a

full body bath came up. Gurudeva was hesitant to do

this, but then Mahajan

Prabhu shared that his father happened to die from a

similar cancer condition,

and in the advanced stages the only way he could

relieve some of the pain was

to submerge himself in warm bathwater. Hearing this

Gurudeva agreed to give

the bath a try.

Four of the male caregivers, Druva, Ekavira,

Kalpavrksa and Mahajan, took

responsibility to devise a plan to successfully

transport and secure Gurudeva in

the tub.

It was quite a physical feat, but by Krsna's grace

everything went smoothly;

Gurudeva was secure in the tub. The caregivers

surrounded Gurudeva in the

Jacuzzi tub and bathed him like a pujari would bathe a

deity, pouring water

gently over his body and massaging him. Then Ekavira

Prabhu requested Kalpavrksa

Prabhu to read the Caitanya Caritamrta to Gurudeva as

he was being bathed. He

specifically selected the chapter "The Devotion of

Madhavendra Puri". This

chapter contains the famous verse by Srimati Radharani

which Madhavendra Puri

would meditate on, especially in his final days. Our

acaryas explain that this

verse is the seed of the ecstatic love of Lord

Caintya.

"O My Lord! O most merciful master! O master of

Mathurä! When shall I see You

again? Because of My not seeing You, My agitated heart

has become unsteady. O

most beloved one, what shall I do now?"

(Cc. Madhya 4.197)

When Kalpavrksa's reading came to this verse, Ekavira

asked Kalpavrksa to

repeat it several times. After this he asked him to

read the verse in call and

response with the other caregivers and Gurudeva.

Kalpavrksa proceeded phrase

by phrase through the verse eight times, as the other

caregivers continued to

bathe and massage Gurudeva. Gurudeva was very

meditative. This verse was a

favorite of Radhanatha Swami and Gurudeva. They would

recite it together in

their meetings over the past weeks, often repeatedly,

often bringing them to

tears.

When the bath was complete, Gurudeva was transported

back to his bed. The

caregivers were still on edge as they carried Gurudeva

back, as this transport

and the recent bath had followed such a long and

agonizing bout with addressing

Gurudeva's pain. Did it succeed? To their delight as

Gurudeva reached his

bed he lightly remarked "Yeah that's it, I got a free

ride". This light

heartedness was the greatest reward for the

caregivers. Their anxiety was somewhat

relived.

In the afternoon the issue of transporting Gurudeva

continued. He needed to

get up. Srila Radhanatha Swami was there, and

suggested that Gurudeva be put

on a cart (sometimes used to transport Gurudeva from

the bedroom to bathroom).

As he spoke an idea came, "You know what we can do?

we can have a Govardhana

Parikrama!!! This was one of Srila Prabhupada's last

desires, to be taken on

a cart pulled by Oxen around Govardhana! Yes, this

push cart can be the cart,

and Ekavira can be the Ox (smile). We can put Giriaj

out, Tulasi devi and

then walk Maharja around in circumambulation!" "Would

you like to go on a

Govardhana Parikrama Maharaj?" "Yes, Yes"

Gurumaharaj promptly replied.

First they thought to have the Parikrama in Gurudeva's

room, but then saw it

was too small. Instead they decided to take Gurudeva

into the living room.

Maharaj had the devotees place Giriraj and Tulasi in

the middle of the living

room and began chanting the Vrndavana Mahimamrta "Jaya

Radhe, Jaya Krsna, Jaya

Vrndavan"; two large and beautiful Govardhana Silas

presided. With Ekavaira's

Ox power the procession began.

In his deep Vrndavan consciousness and enthusiasm to

serve Gurudeva and the

devotees Srila Radhantha Swami transposed the mood of

Govardhana to Gurudeva's

living room. Gurudeva and the small group of devotees

present circumambulated

around ten times. Then Gurudeva was brought before

Giriraj and Tulasi, and

Radhanatha Swami was there to purify Gurudeva's hand

and assist him in watering

Tulasi. Maharaj brought Tulasi nearer to Gurudeva,

and Druva put the spoon

in his hand and helped him lift the spoon to water

her. Gurudeva then returned

to his room, escorted by Kirtana. For a while bhajan

continued in Gurudeva's

room, he was put to bed and Rahdanatha Swami stayed

until Gurudeva went to

sleep.

The caregiver's service to Gurudeva has become much

more intimate. Gurudeva

is always in tremendous pain, which calls for the

caregivers to give there all

in serving and giving care. They have made

modification in the medication,

which should help manage the pain. But, as Gurudeva

himself described "My body

is a hostile environment". Although all efforts to

comfort and care for

Gurudeva are being taken, he is dying, and we are all

hopeful that Gurudeva will

make his transition out of this condition as soon as

possible. Please join us

in prayer that, If Srila Prabhupada and Krsna desire,

to please take Gurudeva

back home, away from his diseased body. As Mahajan

Prabhu said last night.

"You can go now Gurudeva, we will be your body."

May we all die before we die

May the lessons and inspiration of His Holiness

Bhakti-tirhta Swami's Final

Pastimes be imbibed by all of us.

On Behalf of the caregivers of HH Bhakti-tirtha Swami,

Your servant,

Purusa-sukta das

Jananivasdas - June 27, 2005 9:51 pm

i've been reading and watching the pictures from the site...

btswami

Mohan - June 27, 2005 10:07 pm

Bhakti Tirtha Maharaj has left his body,

just got this bulletin from a friend on Myspace:

"Mother Agni Hotra Devi Dasi just called to inform us that His Holiness Bhakta Tirtha Swami left his body around 4 pm today at Gita Nagari."

-He reasons ill who tells that Vaisnavas die,

when thou art living still in sound. The Vaisnavas die to live,

and living try to spread the holy name around.

Babhru Das - June 27, 2005 10:07 pm

His Holiness Bhakti-tirhta Swami passed away from this world, and into the loving embrace of Srila Prabhupada and Sri Sri Radha Syamasundar at 3:35pm this afternoon. Gurudeva’s passing was so graceful and peaceful, as if he slipped out by the gentle hands his helpers to board his chariot.

Sangita Prabhu noticed a change in Gurudeva’s breathing pattern and alerted Brahma- muhurta Prabhu, who immediately came and sprayed Radha Kunda water around Gurudeva and applied Tulasi from Krsna-Balaram, Radhe Syam, and Gaura Nitai to his tongue. Srila Radhanatha Swami had left the room briefly. He was altered, and sat down next to Gurudeva. Shortly after that, Gurudeva gave a very gentle breath, a kind of release. It was so slight and graceful, so much so that half the people in the room didn’t notice it. It was his last breath.

After this Sangita and Madhvacarya checked his vital signs. And minutes latter confirmed that Gurudeva had indeed made – “the perfect escape”

As the final check of Gurudeva’s vital signs was happening the kirtana intensified, and grew in the minutes it took. When the confirmation finally was expressed, the kirtana roared, rising up with emotion. So many of the devotees started to clap along with the kirtana, with their hands over their heads. The devotees were crying, embracing one another, expressing their feelings of celebration and sadness. Then Kalpavrksa Prabhu loudly chanted the prema dvanai pranam for Gurudeva and for Srila Prabhupada.

The kirtana continued in Gurudeva’s room for sometime. Initially devotees in the living room stayed there, but then after five minutes they stared filing into the room, and naturally a queue formed, allowing everyone to have a final darsan of Gurudeva in his bed. Gurudeva’s expression was so sublime, like he was in divine rapture – in awe, in gratitude, in love. The processional through Gurudeva’s room continued for ten minutes, and then concluded leading out into the living room. From there the departure ceremony continued with Vrakesvara Pandit leading the devotees in Sankirtana, circumambulating around Gurudeva’s room and the Institute House. Inside Gurudeva’s room everyone except a small group assembled to assist Brahma-muhurta and Radhanatha Swami in the Samadhi Samskara process, which is currently going on.

We will continue to send updates and pictures throughout the full duration of the departure ceremony. The processional bringing Gurudeva from the Institute House to the temple will begin at 8pm, est.

All glories to the most sublime departure of that great general of Srila Prabhupada who deeply touched the lives of so many thousands and brought Srila Prabhupoada’s transformation throughout the world. May his legacy be carried by us, leading us to meet with him again in kind.

SashidharaDasa - June 27, 2005 10:47 pm

having been following this thread regularly..its really very difficult to control my emotions

Bhakti-tirtha Swami ki Jaya..

Gopakumardas - July 1, 2005 1:56 am

Very sad occassion.

Syamasundara - July 1, 2005 5:33 pm

Sad? I didn't think it was sad. Intense for sure, and wonderful. I mean, when I read about it my face was drenched with tears for the most time, but I was mostly thinking of the disciples, and thinking how strong of a disciple I would be in a few years (hopefully as late as possible). As Ramananda Raya says, there is nothing worse than separation from a Vaisnava. When my mother died I went to Italy for 6 weeks to help her in that moment. One day I caled GM who in the meantime had come back from India and I told him I fealt weird, away from my Guru and godbrothers at the same time, "I don't know if you've ever been in this predicament." He paused and said no. Then I realized that when his father passed away he was also alone, but to me he was conveying the idea that he never felt separate from his Gurus. So, separation from a Vaisnava is as glorious as sad, just like his or her departure.

I started to cry when I read this line:

Recently Gurudeva disclosed to Vrakevara Pandit his strong desire to have him present throughout his departure, requesting multiple times to stay and “chant for me to go back to Godhead” he said “your kirtana helps me to remember Srila Prabhupada and Krsna”

It got at me even now that I read it before cutting and pasting. I think it's the contrast between his awe-inspiring material position as an acarya and sannyasi, and the actual sincere feeling he has of himself as a helpless soul, seeking nothing but the shelter of Guru and Krsna.

Without the Vaisnavas this world is cardboard. We should take care of them as the highest good.

I really don't know how to conclude in an organic way, but anyway this wasn't a writing exercise.

Karnamrita Das - July 2, 2005 4:03 pm

This a bit long, but worth the read. Not quite like being there, but a taste.

dasanudas,

Karnam

The Journal of the Glorious Departure of His Holiness

Bhakti-tirtha Swami. Departure Celebration .

All the devotees assembled outside of the Institute

House, twelve held kerosene torches and Gauravani Prabhu

had just started the kirtana. As he chanted several

other devotees joined him in leading. The kirtana was

not amplified, but the collective lead carried a rich

enthusiasm, which gradually spread out amongst the

devotees. It was just past twilight, which helped nurture

a growing festive ambiance. Nearby large bon fires

started along the processional path. As the kirtana grew

the palanquin bearers began to file out of the

Institute House into the front patio and Gurudeva emerged

lying on a beautiful saffron palanquin, decorated with

tree leaves and ribbon; beautiful and fitting. Upon

seeing Gurudeva the kirtan erupted with the dancing of

devotees. A special mood of celebration descended upon

all the devotees present. Srila Bhakti-tirtha Swami's

departure ceremony was happening in style, it was live

and spirited.

As Gurudeva came towards the patio door of the

Institute House, Brahma-muhurta Prabhu began purifying the

area surrounding the door by chanting mantras and

throwing aksata, rice mixed with tumeric. He then assisted

Srila Radhanatha Swami in offering a brief puja to

Gurudeva, which Maharaja offered in great reverence.

Gurudeva was brought through the patio door and down the

stairs, and was greeted by an explosion of cheers and

dancing by the large assembly of devotees present. Srila

Bhakti-tirtha Swami's festive departure ceremony set

into motion, out of the house and towards Sri Sri Radha

Damodara.

With torches and various bon fires marking their path,

the devotees proceeded through the woods, down a hill,

and toward the temple. Gauravani continued to lead, a

now amplified kirtana. The devotees walked carefully

along the path, the bordering trees and roots marked

with paint. As they passed out of the woods and along

side the temple the kirtana intensified as Gauravani

chanted "Jaya Radha Damdodar, Radha Damodara, Radhe -

Bhakti-tirtha Swami Pranadana he". As Gurudeva was

brought towards the temple, under the twilight, it appeared

that he was dancing on his palanquin. Proceeding with

his festive celebration kirtana, Gurudeva entered the

temple surrounded by his loved ones.

The devotees flew into the temple, carried by the

kirtana. Gurudeva then came in and was carried before

Srila Prabhupada for darsan. There his dear Godbrother

Candramauli Swami greeted him with a maha garland ,

sandalwood paste and pavitra garland from Srila Prabhupada.

Maharaj was also given a special bouquet to offer to

Gurudeva. Then Radhanatha Swami offered a lamp to Srila

Prabhupada and the prasadam to Gurudeva, his worship

being with great love and reverence. As his puja

concluded, Gauravani Prabhu's kirtana moved into a grand

flowing tempo, and along this motion Gurudeva was brought

to have the darsan of Sri Sri Radha Damodara.

Their Lordships were dressed in a special white

outfit, one of Gurudeva's favorites. As Gurudeva was brought

before their Lordships the palanquin carriers raised

him high, allowing a clear view of their Lordships.

Kartamisa Prabhu, the head pujari, offered Gurudeva a

fresh maha garland from Radharani and Radhantha Swami was

invited on the altar to offer a lamp to their

Lordships and the prasadam to Gurudeva. After puja Maharaj

offered Gurudeva a maha garland from Damodara. During

this time Kalpavrksa Prabhu was given the lead of the

kirtan. Soon after he led everyone in chanting the holy

names of the presiding Radha-Krsna Deities of

Vrndavana

Vrakesvara Pandit was next to lead the kirtana. As he

sang Gurudeva was lowered down to a table that

Kalpavrksa had personally made for this ceremony. This table

was very ornate, with various auspicious marks and

lotus flower moldings, and was decorated with flowers. A

tulasi plant was placed at Gurudeva's head along with

all of the various items for puja situated around its

perimeter. Gurudeva's palanquin was gently placed on

its marble surface, where he remained for the rest of

the ceremony. As Gurudeva was situated the kirtan

intensified, and Srila Radhantha Swami slipped out into the

midst of the kirtana devotees and began to dance

exuberantly.

After Gurudeva took his place for the evening,

Brahma-muhurta Prabhu conducted sadosopacara puja (worship

with 16 items), with the assistance of Bhuta-bhavana,

Sadacara and Vrndavan (Gurudeva's brahmacari disciple

from Vrndavan). Together they bathed Gurudeva's lotus

foot, adorned his forehead with chandan and offered him

puja. While they did this many ladies assembled to

present a large offering of bhoga for the Deities, and as

the puja ended the offering was made. Then Srila

Radhantha Swami sat down with the devotees and began to

speak.

"Today is a great celebration, a celebration of the

life, words and love of a truly great personality. We

celebrate this auspicious occasion with the tears of the

love of our separation..Bhakti-tirtha Swami Maharaj

gave his life as the instrument of the compassion of

Srila Prabhupada in this world. He sacrificed everything

for us.."

Maharaj spoke in deep gratitude. His comments were

heartfelt, and called for us to take the life and legacy

of Gurudeva as significant aides for our spiritual

progress. Then Maharaj introduced the bhajan he was to

lead, Savarana-sri-gaura-pada-padme (je anilo prema

dana) "Lamentation Due to Separation from the Lord and His

Associates." He spoke of the nature of being

separated from a great Vaisnava and explained how this song

was written by Srila Narotama das Thakur after the

disappearance of Srinivas Acarya (his beloved friend).

Maharaj said that to feel separation from great devotees

sows the seed of divine love, for as we have more and

more genuine love for the Lord's pure devotees we come

closer to the real spirit of Bhakti.

"mad-bhakta-püjäbhyadhikä" - the best worship of the Lord is the

worship of His devotee.

Radhanatha Swami then asked the devotees to chant this

bhajan in a way that His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami

would be pleased. Maharaj had been with us all the way

to the end, helping us to proceed in the right

direction. He ended his prelude by saying how Gurudeva

expressed a great desire to carry out whatever mission Srila

Prabhupada had for him in the spiritual world (the

devotees responded by loudly chanting "Hari bol!!!").

Then he said "now he is there he is there, in Sri

Vrndavan dham. Srila Prabhupada opened the door to Goloka for

his loving servant." Then Maharaj began chanting, and

as he continued he would intermittently make comments

about the mood of the bhajan, while he maintined the

harmony and meter with the harmonium. This helped us

all fix our minds. It was very meditative.

While Maharaj's bhajan went on, the bhoga offering for

the Deities was taken off and brought down to offer to

Gurudeva. A sheet was put in front of Gurudeva, giving

him some privacy. Brahma-muhurta Prabhu was

coordinating this and all the rites and rituals for the whole

celebration. It was somewhat inconceivable how he was

able to remain on top of everything, but he did, and

with great expertise. Radhanatha Swami's bhajan soon

ended, and Gurudeva finished honoring Prasadam.

At this point puspanjali was offered to Gurudeva. All

gathered around mediating on the prayers to the Lord

and his devotees expressed in our Mangalacarana. Then

on cue, everyone offered flowers and obeisances before

Gurudeva.

Next was Gurupuja. From having mediated on Gurudeva

in offering puspanjali the devotees went right into

chanting the Gurvastakam prayers with a rich focus.

Throughout the whole festival the devotees were enthralled,

especially in their focus on the holy name. So often

in kirtan the holy names are kind of lost in the

enthusiasm, or the volume of the instruments, however

today, as time passed, the holy names became louder and

clearer. With each kirtana the enthusiasm grew, and did

not fragment out. The unity among the devotees went

deeper and deeper.

The Gurupuja arotika was offered by Vasudeva Prabhu (a

senior brahamcari disciple of Gurudeva from Nigeria)

and Advaita Acarya Prabhu led the kirtana. The puja was

offered in a stately manor. During the arotika

different lamps of various shapes and sizes were offered, at

one point Brahma-muhurta handed Vasudeva a large tray

with what looked to be 50+ ghee wicks. Next to

Vasudeva were Radhanatha Swami, Dhanudhara Swami,

Candra-mauli Swami and Veda-vyasa-priya Swami. The Maharaj's

stood in a prayerful mood in front of Gurudeva. As Advaita

acarya's chanting was very deep and meditative, it

churned the emotions of the devotees, mostly feelings of

pride and celebration, everyone knowing so well the

greatness and ultimate glory of the one to whom they

paid tribute.

Very soon after Advaita Acarya started to chant, the

devotees were dancing in ecstasy, as he stood in

meditative focus on his offering to Gurudeva. The kirtana

progressed into an exuberant and dance filled kirtana.

At the peak of it Advaita handed the mic over to

Sahadeva Prabhu. Sahadeva is a very senior disciple from

West Africa, and is known for his wonderful dancing,

which in so many ways reminds us all of Gurudeva's

dancing. Sahadeva went right into the Guruvandanam prayers.

As he chanted devotees continued to offer flowers and

obeisances at Gurudevas lotus feet, in most cases

taking Gurudeva's right foot to their heads and holding it

there for sometime. Sahadeva's chanting quickly went

into a kind of West African tribal groove, where the

pulse of the kirtana is very pronounced, the beat

pulling everyone to start hopping. Thus the ever increasing

unity and enthusiasm pervading Gurudeva's festival -

continued to increase.

As this happened it felt as though the smile adorning

Gurudeva's face widened. The celebration was so

perfect, and so representative of Gurudeva's personality.

Things were classy, organized and timely, yet so festive

and intimate. There was such diversity. Women holding

their babies helped fan Gurudeva, and all varieties of

ages and colors participated. And amidst all of this

diversity was such a vibrant and real unity.

As Sahadeva continued the Deities doors were closed

for the evening. At this the devotees quickly motioned

towards circumambulation of Radha Damodara, thus

proceeding many times around their Lordships.

(Continued in part 2)

All glories to the most blessed departure of His

Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami!!

The Journal of the Glorious Departure of His Holiness

Bhakti-tirtha Swami. Departure Celebration part 2.

After the devotees circumambulated Radha Damodara,

they returned to the temple room, where most sat for

bhajan. Acyuta, the daughter of Antaranga and Adidev

(senior disciples of Srila Gour Govinda Swami from New

York), were the first to lead. Gurudeva was always so

appreciative of this special vaisnava family, their

unlimited enthusiasm and taste for kirtana was always noted

by him. After Acyuta, Kesavacarya, a brahamcari from

Manhattan, took the lead, and then Ananta Sesa. As the

bhajan continued some devotees remained assembled

around Gurudvea, chanting, praying, and receiving the

grace of his sublime presence.

After sometime the hearse came to take Gurudeva's body

to Harrisburg for cremation. As the palanquin was

positioned to exit the temple the devotees assembled

together. Ananta Sesa continued leading the kirtana, as the

processional began he became inspired to sing

Maharaj's favorite kirtana melody (the one where as the leader

chants each Name the chorus of devotees respond to

each name). Gurudeva then proceeded into the foyer, where

a special scene took place.

An extraordinary painting was recently placed above

the main doors in the temple foyer. This panting depicts

Gurudeva's favorite image of Srila Prabhupada. It is

very large and was given to Gurudeva last February for

Vyasa puja. A smaller rendition faced Gurudeva during

his departure, and throughout his recent time in Gita

Nagari. So often he would look at this image of

Prabhupada, feeling his loving and compassionate presence

issue forth, often bringing Gurudeva to tears. As he now

proceeded to make his final exit from Radha Damodar's

temple, lying on his victory palanquin, this most

cherished image of His Master was in clear view, as if to

express to his beloved disciple his deepest gratitude.

The palanquin was then brought before the hearse.

Brahma-muhurta Prabhu had to make some adjustments for

Gurudeva before he was placed inside. Ananta Sesa's

chanting met with the accompaniment of several other

devotees. As the festival kirtana began with a group lead,

so it ended. Ananta Sesa began chanting "Jaya

Bhakti-tirtha, Jaya Gurudeva." For many this time was very

emotional. It was the last time we would directly see the

physical form of Gurudeva. Brahma-muhurta finished

the arrangements and shortly afterwards Gurudeva

departed for the crematorium.

As the hearse drove off, we could feel ourselves

traveling towards a new phase of our relationship with

Gurudeva. This travel was clearly an extensive voyage,

spanning the rest of our lifetime. A Voyage into the vast

unknown is intimidating, but when forged with the aide

of an expert captain, what appears frightening becomes

a great adventure - promising us the highest reward.

As we had just faced and celebrated the successful

voyage of our Master and friend, naturally we felt

impelled to also aim for success. May we step over the fear

and embrace the adventure of our life. May we always

remain directed by Gurudeva, Srila Prabhupada and his

representatives throughout this lifetime.

May we all die before we die!

All glories to the most blessed departure celebration

of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami!!!

Your servant,

Purusa-sukta das

Departure Journal - Samadhi Samskara

Immediately after Gurudeva's departure he was changed

into a gamcha and then taken to the bathroom and

shaved. While the shaving went on, Gurudeva's room was

cleaned.

At roughly 5:15pm the nurse came to confirm Gurudeva's

passing and dispose of his medicine. Around 5:25 the

bathing started. Srila Radhanatha Swami came for this,

up until this point Maharaj had not been in the room.

Emotionally, he was quite moved by Gurudeva's

departure, and very meekly came in to participate with the

other caregivers in bathing Gurudeva

The bathing of Gurudeva was a very moving experience

for all those who saw it. Here a great spiritual

warrior, who sacrificed his everything, had completed his

mission and was now to receive his victory bath. All

the tension and pain that he bore in his great mission,

was now washed away by a beautiful abhisek conducted

by several of his beloved disciples and by his most

beloved God brother.

First he was offered maha oil from Nrsimha in Mayapura

to his upper body. Gurudeva was sprinkled with panca

gavya, a mixture of five substances (yoghurt, ghee,

milk, cow urine and dung). Then bathed with water from

many sacred kundas and rivers that have been brought to

Maharaj over the past few months, some of the waters

were: Ganga water taken from Mayapur on the full moon

night of the past Gaura Purnima, from Radha Kunda,

Pavan Sarovara, Kusuma sarovara. After washing off the

pancagavya he was covered in washed with ganga mud and

bathed again, then sandalwood paste and bathed again,

using in total 108 conch fulls of water. The mood was

very intimate. There the caregivers were, surrounding

Gurudeva's sacred body, assisting each other and

Radhanatha Swami in offering this final abhisek. The

ceremony was so moving that Radhanath Swami left a little

early. Afterwards Gurudeva's body appeared so peaceful

and tranquil. At 5:45 Gurudeva's lotus foot were cast

into a mold. After the casting, he was given a normal

bath, and was then dressed in a new kaupins, dhoti,

neck beads, and upavita, sacred thread. The upavita was

from Sri Syamasundar from ISKCON Vrndavan. At 6:30 pm

Radhanatha Swami was called in to write the Samadhi

mantras on Gurudeva's chest using a tulasi manjari and

chandan. Those present remarked of how single pointed

Maharaj was in his focus during this process. During the

whole process, from the bathing until now, Maharaj was

silent and grave, anytime he was not assisting in the

rituals he sat and chanted japa with great intensity

and absorption. After Maharaj finished the Samadhi

mantras appeared brilliantly on Gurudeva's chest. The

chandan took sometime to dry, after which a new kurta, top

piece, and garlands were placed on Gurudeva and he was

prepared for his procession through the woods to the

temple. Many more devotees had come, and sat outside of

the room, engaging in ecstatic bhajan led by Nityodita

Prabhu. Everyone chanting with such genuine feeling

and inspiration.

All glories to the most blessed departure of His

Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami!!!