Tattva-viveka
Another memory
Syamasundara - April 9, 2005 4:07 pm
I've just read the latest posts, among which the yukta-vairagya ones and Shyama Gopala commenting on Gm chanting, which reminded me that Shyama (or Madana?) Gopala had asked me if I had some rare pictures of our Gurudeva.
Thus I got inspired to tell all the newer ones about our pot kirtans with Guru Maharaja.
In 2001 GM used to go to Lila and Brahma's house once a month to lecture on Bhagavad Gita and extend his asociation to the SF community.
Brahma and Lila's house was (is?) sandwiched by other houses in a residential area, so the kirtan at the beginning and the end of the talk was very low key, especially with Lila's ill mother living underneath.
I don't think there ever was a mrdanga during those darsanas. Once it came to happen that no one had even a pair of karatalas. We had a moment of resignation and Gm started to sing and clap his hands. After a few seconds Brahma offered GM an alluminium pot and a wooden spoon to play as a gong.
The atmosphere became very sweet. Everybody was forced to think deeply of the significance of the Holy Name, because GM was singing and playing with the same intensity and dignity as if he had been offered gold karatalas. Srila Prabhupada showed the same dignity in various circumstances.
Everybody's eyes were closed more than usual, as if realizing that melody and instruments are just secondary and corollary in a kirtana, and the real focus should be on Nama Prabhu.
An alluminium pot (which is very low for cooking) and a wooden spoon, in the hand of a pure devotee managed to bathe us in the simplicity and beauty of Vrndavana. So much so that the following month there were karatalas, yet Brahma offered the same pot to Guru Maharaja "upon request" and he played it.
To everybody's pleasure here is a picture of the first time (Navadvipa dasa's courtesy).
Jaya Gaura Bhakta vrnda!
Syamasundara - April 9, 2005 4:09 pm
Hehe sorry it didn't get posted. Let's try again.
Syamasundara - April 20, 2005 9:25 pm
Today I remembered that one morning, probably during my first year in Eugene, GM was chanting the arunodaya kirtan before the morning class.
The song starts with "udila aruna purva bhage", which means "The sun has risen on the eastern horizon, making the sky orange/pink" (yeah Bengali can be quite concise). Aruna refers to that color.
Citta hari and I used to sit no farther than one yard from GM's lotus lips every morning, so once GM was singing the first line of this song and told me to come closer with his head, then he looked out of the porch door, I did too, and saw the sky all pink and orange with the sun coming out any moment. I felt two strong emotions: at first I felt lucky for knowing and realizing what he was telling me without speaking. Then I felt a strong sense of intimacy, as I was probably the only one in the templeroom who knew what had happened.
Ops gotta go. more later, maybe.
Syamasundara - May 15, 2005 12:11 am
During the first period, when at Audarya there were no solid buildings and only two cows, we would spend most of our sunless time around a firepit just out of the grove where the samadhi will be.
We would have our showers in the darkness under a tree and run to the fire to warm up, we would roast so many potatoes and ears of corn, and have so many nice talks, sometimes with guests. Those nights it looked as if the stars from the southern emisphere had come around to watch and listen.
One such time was when Jaya Gopala was visiting from Portland. He was going to stay some time and strengthen his devotional bones.
One night GM was talking about the holy names, maybe Jaya Gopala asked him; yes, he had various questions. One of them was along the lines of what is it like when you develop a taste.
GM told us to answer unexpectedly. Us meant Citta Hari, Vrndaranya and me, who started to speak out of the manual, but GM said "No, I want to hear about your own experience, how many years have you been chanting by now?"
So Citta Hari said: "There are times in which you feel you would just chant forever", Vrnda said "Sometimes you feel like you want more mouths and more ears to chant" and I said "You can't tolerate the silence between one name and the other."
Guru Maharaja wa so visibly pleased; to my knowledge we had never spoken in those terms in his presence; maybe Gm and Vrndaranya, or Citta Hari and I, but never together. it felt as if we were talking about our secret love, only, we were all in love with the same thing!
Vrndavana is much like that: this secret love that permeates and involves everybody and everything, yet it remains secret. Jaya Vrndavana!
Swami - May 15, 2005 3:02 am
During the first period, when at Audarya there were no solid buildings and only two cows, we would spend most of our sunless time around a firepit just out of the grove where the samadhi will be.We would have our showers in the darkness under a tree and run to the fire to warm up, we would roast so many potatoes and ears of corn, and have so many nice talks, sometimes with guests. Those nights it looked as if the stars from the southern emisphere had come around to watch and listen.
One such time was when Jaya Gopala was visiting from Portland. He was going to stay some time and strengthen his devotional bones.
One night GM was talking about the holy names, maybe Jaya Gopala asked him; yes, he had various questions. One of them was along the lines of what is it like when you develop a taste.
GM told us to answer unexpectedly. Us meant Citta Hari, Vrndaranya and me, who started to speak out of the manual, but GM said "No, I want to hear about your own experience, how many years have you been chanting by now?"
So Citta Hari said: "There are times in which you feel you would just chant forever", Vrnda said "Sometimes you feel like you want more mouths and more ears to chant" and I said "You can't tolerate the silence between one name and the other."
Guru Maharaja wa so visibly pleased; to my knowledge we had never spoken in those terms in his presence; maybe Gm and Vrndaranya, or Citta Hari and I, but never together. it felt as if we were talking about our secret love, only, we were all in love with the same thing! Vrndavana is much like that: this secret love that permeates and involves everybody and everything, yet it remains secret. Jaya Vrndavana!
Very nice Syamasundara. Jaya Jaya Harinama. In the nitya Vrindavana lila, everyone likes to refer to Krsna as "Hari," thinking how he has stolen their hearts. This is why we like to call chanting the Holy Name, "Harinama." Think of this and do Harinama, and prema will come quickly. It's that simple! Try to feel it. Jaya Jaya Harinama cid anandamrta dhama!
Vrindaranya Dasi - May 15, 2005 1:44 pm
Swami - May 15, 2005 2:00 pm
Sometimes devotees like myself make statements like this, seeing the conditioning of others to be so insignificant and temporary in relation to that which they are now connected with--the grace of Harinama. From that perspective it appears that prema will come quickly, if one's heart is truly stolen by Hari. I would also like to encourage devotees to actually think of Krsna and how the inhabitants of Vrindava are charmed by him in the hopes that they will be inspired by this ideal to attend to the work at hand, cleansing the heart. This does take time, but it is important to know why it is worth doing. Furthermore a little experience goes a long way. At the same time, a little experience is just that, and in order to get more taste for sravanam and kirtanam there is a lot of srcubinam and moppinam to be done. Only then will prema come quickly--after anartha nivritti, nistha, ruci, asaksti, and bhava. Hurry up an catch up with the herd!
Syamasundara - May 15, 2005 3:53 pm
Yes... sometimes in the name of Hari the guru "taketh away" the Harinama instead of giving it like water.
One morning I went to the temple to dress the deities, but I had missed mangala arati.
Once there I heard that GM had confiscated the japa malas from three brahmacaris who were late for mangala arati, so they'll learn that chanting is a privilege, not a right. When I served GM lunch, he said i was lucky, because if I had gone to the temple a few minutes before I would have been the fourth one. I don't know how lucky I was. I just chanted all my rounds in the afternoon dully, without realizing what had happened that day. (Took me, how long to realize it, 6 years? Not bad.)
Those three devotees had been given a special mercy, a chance to act and react dynamically, like Gaudiya Vaishnavas, and run right back to GM's house and beg for their beads, which he would have given readily most likely. But they didn't. They just hung around all day with a face that expressed nothing more than "Daddy has grounded us."
Guru Maharaja always refers to the guru-disciple relationship as an equation. Equation doesn't mean 50-50, let's split the burden; it means that the 100% of endeavor and care he puts on his side should be equaled on our side.
OK Now I'd better go chant myself before I turn into a televangelist.
Gauravani Dasa - May 15, 2005 6:07 pm
Wow, great story Syamasundara Prabhu. What a lesson! I can't imagine what it was like to be with Guru Maharaja during those times, especially early Audarya. Sounds extra special!
It's like an Audarya Yester-Daily 
Please, keep 'em coming!
Syamasundara - June 20, 2005 4:13 pm
When I post on T.V. I always feel like I'm glorifying myself, so this time I'll start with a memory that points out my stupidity.
It was one of those mornings in which GM wouldn't come to mangala arati and would take breakfast in his quarters. So, there I was coming down from my room to cook lunch and I saw him through the open door, busy at the sink filling the baby bottles for young Dharma and Bhumi. Must have been late '98.
As soon as I got down the stairs i paid my obeisances, then entered the kitchen and started cooking.
GM turned around with a big baby bottle on each arm and said:
Good morning (Hello???! It's the first time you're seeing your guru today)! And i said:
Good morning (Hello what? I just paid my obeisances behind your back)!
Gm didn't insist out of humility, but I felt so stupid, so unexperienced at harmonizing the absolute side of Sri Guru with the relative one.
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Much later, during our first year at Audarya, a young fellow came to check us out. Forgot his name but he was very active in Iskcon and very much into book distribution. I think he actually came all the way there to meet the famous incarnation of book distribution.
GM immediately took him under his wing. I remember writing about that aspect already, how once I saw them chatting by the bathhouse and had the neat sensation that GM was fully giving himself to that lad, while fully giving himself to his sevas and so many other things.
So anyway, once Gm sent him to get something in his car, and he found the wrap of a powerbar, Tigerbar to be exact, which made him very mental. The guy actually confronted Gm at lunchtime, although indirectly, and started to ask questions about sannyasis and control of the senses. The poor guy had come to have his idea of Krsna Consciousness shredded at Audarya. GM had already begun the therapy by playing down book distribution and telling him what sankirtan is in its essence, and he had a very hard time digesting that one.
This powerbar issue was just going on and on during the afternoon. At one point the guy was in Gm's yurt going on and on and Vrndaranya was in the yurt where Citta Hari and I were and we were also discussing the matter.
At one point the young man left the yurt and went about his business and next thing we know, GM opens the door of our yurt with a box of Tigerbars in his hand and starts throwing the bars to all of us, much to our delight...
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The last memory is particularly dear to me. Our house in Eugene was adjacent to Pushpadanta's car lot, with some junk in between.
Guru Maharaja was in India with Citta Hari and Vrndaranya, looking for a house to move to after Eugene. I remained there, with the deities, the cows, Candrodaya and Dasi, the dog.
Once I was herding the cows and in the junk area I found an old piece of furniture with some sort of perch. I snapped it off and saw it was shaped lke a T, like the gopas' herding sticks. And the magic began. That gopa danda was such a powerful uddipana vibhava. I could use it to keep the cows together or direct them, I would rest my arm while chanting japa and watching them, which reminded me of Krsna keeping the count of his cows on a mala and using it when calling them back at sunset; I would squat when tired and rest the stick along my chest and shoulder, or stand it in front of me and rest my forearms on it. I just couldn't help thinking of Krsna and the gopas. Once while squatting under the sun I watched the time and thought: "Hmmm 2:45, I wonder what Krsna is doing at this time" and the thought was so natural. I wrote Gm about my discover, that i wrapped it with cloth and pearls like in the paintings of the cowherd boys, and that he should try it when he comes back.
A few months later, GM finally came back with the others and one day he said: "So I heard you have a cow herding stick for me?" but in reality it wasn't, it was just a piece of furniture and Dharma took care of it with a gentle push of his head and broke it; it was really magic as long as it lasted, though.
Citta Hari Dasa - June 20, 2005 5:29 pm
GM had already begun the therapy by playing down book distribution and telling him what sankirtan is in its essence, and he had a very hard time digesting that one.
Bhakta Phil was his name. He was in Berkely and heard Guru Maharaja was in SF (at Lila and Brahma's place giving a Gita Darsana lecture) and he showed up. We ended up bringing him back to Audarya, where Guru Maharaja proceeded to have him do basically nothing but split and stack wood for two weeks straight. Phil had the idea that book distribution was the best service one can possibly do, and anything short of that is practically maya. He even told me one day that he thought it was just maya to be in the forest chopping wood instead of out distributing books. I told him that whatever service a real Vaisnava engages us in is for our benefit, and that book distribution is not always the best thing for us if (as was the case with this misguided fellow) it actually keeps us from surrendering to a guru. He sort of listened, but didn't quite get it.
Over the days, we kept trying politely, hinting and so forth, until it built up to a point where it needed to be addressed more directly. One morning at breakfast (which was at that time served in Guru Maharaja's yurt) Vrindaranya got heavy on him. She told him point blank that his book distribution was maya, because he was using it to avoid surrendering to a spiritual authority in the name of doing what Srila Prabhupada wanted. He could thus remain on the fringe of the organization and avoid any genuine responsibilty while enjoying the facility that comes with being a 'book distributor.'
This got his attention. He argued, but he was totally outgunned. He went away from that breakfast with some serious food for thought, but, sadly, his misconception was so deep that he could not bring himself to move in the truly spiritual direction of surrendering to Guru Maharaja (or anyone else).
This reminds me of how Srila Sridhara Maharaja said that even reading the Bhagavatam, if not done with the sanction of a Vaisnava, is karma, not seva. I'll bet alot of devotees do a double-take when they first hear that one; I know I did. But upon thinking about it it made perfect sense. Service is only service if someone higher up actually wants it; otherwise in the name of service we only deceive ourselves.
Syamasundara - August 22, 2005 4:33 pm
One or two seasons after the arrival of Dharma and Bhumi in Eugene, Guru Maharaja developed the desire to have 12 miniature fruit trees to represent the dvadasa gopalas (the 12 closest buddies of Krsna and Balarama).
So we got them, with the idea of planting them officially on Nityananda trayodasi. It was February. We set up a small pandala (tent) outside and Gm read from Adi lila the characteristics of each gopa and who they were in Gaura lila and then we would plant each tree respectively. We had apple, pear, cherry, peach and other trees.
Meanwhile the feast was being cooked. Can't remember one preparation, but it was pretty standard, besides delicious of course: pakoras, halava, catni, rice, dal, sabji. It must have been Vrndaranya's doing, as I don't remember cooking either. What did I do? I must have dressed the deities, right, because during the planting I was sitting under the pandala.
One special thing we did was cleaning up the prasadam room, put 12 seats on the floor, and during the arati Citta Hari and I served the mahaprasada of Gaura Nitai to the 12 gopalas with solemnity and locked the room behind us.
Bela holo Damodar aisa ekhano
Baladeva-saha sakha koroho bhojano!
"It's time for lunch Damodar, come now and have your meal with Baladeva and your friends!"
How sweet. So tough to write these things from work and try to conceal my emotions right now.
Anyway, even more emotional, and I really fail to convey it here with words, was when GM noticed that the pear tree where we invoked Sridhama/Abhirama Thakura had bloomed with one single, tiny, white, 5-petal flower out of season for his Lord Nityananda, a miracle that GM commented upon on Sanga, when it wasn't just Q&A. We offered it during the arati, I am not sure if Bhoga or Gaura arati.
Now, that was the sweet part. The nightmare followed after, when the trees started to blossom and we'd let the cows out of their little pen. Anyway not much of a nightmare, we were just required to get really absorbed in our Vaishnava activities such as cow watching and water sports. In fact, for as long as it lasted, water guns were enough of a deterrent, then the waterhose, then threats or bribes with crunchies.
Like this until the winter; then another issue arose. We decided to move to California and trees are notoriously non-moving creatures. So GM bought 12 more potted miniature trees to take with us. I invented a tranfer ceremony in order to invite the Gopalas to hop into the new trees and Gm approved. Basically I collected 12 flowers from the aratis of one day and placed an offered flower at the feet of each tree; then I put each new tree next to the one they corresponded to, tied each pair with a ribbon and left them like that overnight. The following day was a Sunday feast, so Agni and the rest of the congregation was there. Gm and I went to each tree pair followed by the sankirtan, sprinkled the potted trees with arghya (offered arati water) and passed the flower from the rooted tree to the potted one untying the ribbon; then we circumambulated each tree/gopala.
California is one of the US's orchyard states, together with Hawaii and… Mexico, so they have very strict laws as to what vegetables and animals can enter the state, in case they carry diseases. Luckily they didn't notice our miniature trees in the truck (miniature but still 7 or 8 feet tall), so there they are at Audarya now soaking in the sun (I hope, we never hear about the twelve Gopalas) on the East terrace, uder the place where Gm's cottage will be.
Some trees changed from the original 12. The second time Gm bought a cute pommegranade tree, besides apple, pear, cherry, peach and apricot, and a 13th giant fig tree, or maybe he's one of the 12?
I feel bad about them. I was in charge of planting them. GM had mentioned how nice it would be to take a stroll along that terrace with the view of the valley and those fruit trees, so I naturally made the holes close to the slope uphill, in order to leave a walkway. It turned out they all wanted them planted right in the middle of the narrow terrace, turning the stroll into a bootcamp drill, slaloming between the trees and the slippery slope downhill, at least in my eyes.
I guess I atoned for that even before realizing I was committing a mistake, because the morning I planted them I did it under some cold rain, filled with rage and disgust for some Latvian guy who left the shelter of Guru Maharaja by email and with no plausible reasons. So anyway I hurt my back and was sore for days.
What I feel bad about is that since Vrndaranya was afraid the branches would grow into the clay hillside (I still fail to see how that can happen) I said I would "shave" the hill around the trees, but I never got to do it, because shortly after it became my time to leave the asrama.
So I am wondering how the twelve gopala trees are doing and if they are giving fruit, if we can have pictures of them, etc. I think Citta Hari mentioned offering something made with the fruits of our trees, but more news wouldn't hurt.
While I am at it… how is Nadiya the cat? How is the crop doing? How many cows do you have altogether now? Whatever happened to the weekly pics of the altar?
Sorry but I feel a lot of separation here. I am hallucinating, every time I see a man with an orange top, or a shaved head, or a wooden necklace or anything that reminds me of the devotees my heart startles, but then I realize they are not really devotees. Seva is important, but somehow these days I am really missing speaking devotese, joining my palms to greet somebody, or doing any of those activities that were so customary for me before; let alone taking part in a kirtan. In two weeks I'll move to Madrid, so I hope I'll get a little bit of that there, that I'll find some devotees and that they are alive (as opposed to makeshift).
Oh! The working day is over…. I'm exhausted 
Syamasundara - September 11, 2005 8:29 pm
Once Guru Maharaja, Vicaru and I were coming back from Britenbush.
Vicaru kept going on and on about Hitler, the Arians, SP´s vision and Sridhara Maharaja´s opinion and GM was also discussing.
The sun was low on the horizon and at one point I noticed that the cars coming from the opposite direction on the highway were lifting such a cloud of dust that it would cover the sun.
I became filled with sweetness because, as GM is fond of telling, when Krsna comes back from the pasture his cows also lift so much dust that it covers the sun, so I looked at him and sure enough he was looking at that double line of cars as if it was the sweetest thing ever. Of course I can´t speculate, but I am almost sure that´s what happened.
Syamasundara - October 15, 2008 3:18 am
We started moving to Audarya in July. By saradiya purnima that year we were still camping out, without the bathhouse, that came by March. The following day GM was telling us at breakfast time that he got up to pass urine, and the forest was beautiful. We were in the forest to begin with, so naturally the first thing that catches your attention on stepping out of your tent is the big full moon. So GM was telling us how almost impossible it was not to think of Krsna dancing with the gopis under that same moon. At that time there were a lot of trees hugged by creepers. For those who don't know, when Krsna left the dance, the gopis started to look for him and ask all the forest creatures. In their ecstasy they saw creepers growing on a tree and they imagined they were hugging their lover.
I fail to understand where all those creepers went. There are more cows, though. Maybe the rasa of the place has changed, or rather, its prominent one is manifest. 