Tattva-viveka
Oh Lord, please protect me from your devotees?
Syamasundara - October 31, 2005 11:12 am
Boy it feels so weird in here to say the least.
I got here on Saturday after speaking with a devotee.
Only when I was all set in bed he asked me: "What's your name again? Hmmm, and who is your guru? Never heard. Is he a disciple of Prabhupada? No, because we don't take devotees from other sampradayas. You know how it is."
I am glad Sarasvati confused his tongue, so my answers were but the truth, but right after that I had a major panic attack and in the temple I was praying Gaura Nitai to protect me from his devotees. Narasimha, Prabhupada, anyone.
That felt so sick and wrong, but it's reality right now.
I had all sorts of arguments ready. There are gurus in Iskcon who have done the worst things and if I was their disciple they'd have no problem with me. Maharaja Pariksit gave shelter to Kali Yuga personified. Would they really kick me out of here upon knowing I am an "heretic" although I have no place to stay and I have come to take shelter of the devotees (paying them a little every day)? I don't want to find that out. A house under whose roof the whole world can come...
I have so many arguments ready, my fear is that they won't even listen. I don't know why I sense this...
Anyway so far my cover is holding (until I have a breakdown). It's not nice to be persona non grata, specially among devotees, but like I said so far they are all nice to me. I've already cooked the Sunday feast for some hundred people and sung in the harinama. On one hand they are all quite inexpert here (cooking, philosophy, music), and on the other I am being super exemplary for obvious reasons.
That very night that devotee asked me if I can cook; "Yes a little bit." He put me in charge of the feast and kept stressing it had to be nice. I had such a menu in mind but then I ended up having to cook their style (brussel sprouts in tomato sauce eeeew). It was me with the helped of a lithuanian and two russian devotees. At least I brushed up my Russian. It was the first feast I ever cooked that I didn't want to taste afterward, but maybe it's better, maybe I did it with detachment and I hope with the same amount of love.
it's really important that they get to appreciate me before knowing whose disciple I am, although my cooking and singing are not an evident result of my association with GM. My knowledge is, but... I know better and try to keep a low profile (which is like asking me to stand on one leg for an hour) not to blow my cover.
I am meditating a lot on the six gosvamis and their street wisdom as Gm says. Sanatana gosvami with the moslem who kept him captive; Srila Raghunatha dasa with Yadunandana and his parents, Sri Jiva defending his uncle Rupa on philosphy. All in all I am pretty blissful: I get to offer a lamp to the beautiful Gaura Nitai here, I got to cook in Radha's kitchen in her month, I keep the company of the gosvamis, but it doesn't feel like home.
Need an example? This morning the lithuanian devotee asked me to sing the Guru-vandana. They say I sing like an Indian, I think they prefer western and made-up melodies a touch too much for my taste. Since I wasn't familiar with the program and the arati was over I closed the kirtan with a jaya prabhupada and jaya gurudeva since I didn't want the class to wait for me. Little pause and then the president starts with the jaya om visnu padas...
At breakfast they commented that I HAD to follow the guru vandana with Prabhupada pranama, pancatattva mantra and mahamantra. That's why the president started saying the premadhvani all upset. I was like Are you for real? Why did nobody tell me to go on or why did nobody get a grip, pick up the kirtana and get on with life? They kept talking as if I had offered 3/4 of an arati and left or something, I broke the tradition. I commented shily to the 2 or 3 guys remaining there that it's very important to distinguish form from substance.
It's so painful to see the movement "for Krsna consciousness" get fossilized like that.
Anyway, for now they are giving me shelter and i am grateful, but in all honesty I want out of here. My mood goes up and down. Last week I gave up praying for a job because it really looked like I HAD to come here and spend time. I thought why oppose what seems to be the divine design? Maybe I am dying next week and Krsna wants me to die close to Govindacandra and the cows at Nava Vrajamandala and here I am making long-term plans. It could be anything. So part of me is still surrendered, but the other one is desperate for a nice job so I can help Audarya and move to Canada before I get grey hair.
I stopped looking for a house because last week I came across a guy who is into Vyayam yoga and is a vegetarian. This week he'll know if the bank will help him so we can move into this cheap, unfurnished house. Otherwise I need to start all over again.
nayam atma bala hinena labhyah... I need to be strong.
I am sorry I am polluting the forum with this report, I don't see anything useful for the community in it, but I guess I needed some real association, albeit virtual.
If it was a catholic forum I'd ask you to pray for me.
Oh that's just great. The devotee who let me in assuming I had talked to the president said the president got all mad for this override (but he was never to be found! How could I ask him), so anyway unless I get a recommendation from a (Iskcon) temple president I can't stay more than 3 days and today is the second.
Any temple president among you? Anyway that wouldn't work, it would be lying, which is not my forte, plus I have no intention to hide or feel ashamed for my affiliation with GM.
If someone was pulling on my sari I'd let go and raise both hands in abandon to Krsna, but I am wearing jeans and don't know how to make Krsna understand or be more clear to me.
Bhrigu - October 31, 2005 1:54 pm
If I were you I'd get out of there ASAP. Yes, you didn't lie about Guru Maharaja's affiliation, but they will find it out sooner or later, and they will for sure think that you were trying to fool them to get free meals and lodging. What kind of an image will that create of Guru Maharaja and his disciples? I once witnessed some disciples of Narayana Maharaj trick themselves into the Helsinki temple, only to be found out. The comments about them heard afterward were not very nice.
Caitanya-daya Dd - October 31, 2005 2:54 pm
It sounds like to me that there's a little (just a tad, right?) immaturity in play. And most definitely some ignorance. My friends here (knowing i was initially given harinama & diksa from an ISKCON sannyasi) definitely respect my decision to take shelter of Guru Maharaja. They're not upset or sophomoric about it at all.
I'm sorry that the devotees there made you feel so badly. Although i started off in ISKCON, and ISKCON has actually taught me a lot, there is that amount of "we are right and you are wrong" mentality, which is really too bad. You did what you could, you rendered service for the Lord, and if they want to be jerks about it, then i say step back. Go and take darsana of the Lord, chant the Holy Name, but remove yourself a bit, that's what i would do.
Not to commit Vaisnava aparadha, but i say screw them haha (i probably shouldn't have said that, should i have?). If they can't respect my spiritual master--who is just as valid and veritable as any learned and senior Gaudiya Vaisnava--then separate yourself. But of course, treat them with respect. for they are obviously presenting qualities of a kanistha adhikari. It says in the Srimad-Bhagavatam (11.2.45): arcayam eva haraye/pujam yah sraddhayehate/na tad-bhaktesu canyesu/sa bhaktah prakrtah smrtah
"A devotee who faithfully worships the Deity, but does not properly respect the Vaisnavas or the people in general is called a materialistic devotee, and is considered to be in the lowest position of devotional service."
The next verse says this: isvare tad-adhinesu/balisesu dvisatsu ca/prema-maitri-krpopeksa/yah karoti sa madhyamah
"The devotee in the intermediate stage of devotional service is called a madhyama-adhikari. He loves the Supreme Personality of Godhead, is a sincere friend to all the devotees of the Lord, shows mercy to the innocent and disregards the envious."
Now, i am not claiming to be a madhyama adhikari, but as we see here, a devotee who is on a higher platform respects sincere devotees. And aren't we supposed to be aspiring to reach those higher stages? Take some strength from the fact that not all devotees are that immature, and that we here are rooting you on!
Syamasundara - October 31, 2005 5:18 pm
If I were you I'd get out of there ASAP. Yes, you didn't lie about Guru Maharaja's affiliation, but they will find it out sooner or later, and they will for sure think that you were trying to fool them to get free meals and lodging. What kind of an image will that create of Guru Maharaja and his disciples? I once witnessed some disciples of Narayana Maharaj trick themselves into the Helsinki temple, only to be found out. The comments about them heard afterward were not very nice.
But if you read carefully, I am paying them 10 euro a day beside the practical service rendered. Anyway tomorrow is the last day no matter what. I may know tonight if I got one of the rooms I checked out today. Cross ur fingers everyone.
Nanda-tanuja Dasa - October 31, 2005 6:36 pm
If it was a catholic forum I'd ask you to pray for me.
Since when praying for wellbeing of others is prohibited in our tradition?
Robertnewman - November 1, 2005 4:03 am
It's an interesting question. I think it's fair to say that such prayer is emphasized much more in the Christian tradition than in ours; or at least, the variety of such prayers is much greater among the Christians, who pray for health, wealth, success, happiness, etc. The ideal of shuddha bhakti would seem to preclude such prayers; we are advised to pray only for service, whether on our own behalf or that of others.Since when praying for wellbeing of others is prohibited in our tradition?
Caitanya-daya Dd - November 1, 2005 4:05 am
woops, sorry about that. Your post was such a big blob of text that i ended up skimming it instead of reading it carefully. i apologise
And i would just "screw them" in my heart lol (i still shouldn't have said that!) 
Syamasundara - November 1, 2005 1:16 pm
I've struggled 5 minutes before writing the following. I'd really like to have the subtlety of our GM who speaks with silence or with sentences that carry their meaning at such high frequencies that most people miss them altogether unfortunately (I've seen it so often; well, apart from when I also missed them), but I am not there yet and for the time being I'll say bluntly (much in your style) I find it really inconvenient when words, insinuations or attitudes are attributed to me. I read what I write here at least 4 times before posting it, and after posting I edit it again if need be.
Sorry for the bad vibes, I am not that disturbed (or maybe I am, but for other contingent reasons), but I wanted to make this point in general for future communication among everyone.
Other than that, I am writing from my new house 
Shabby, but better than nothing and with wifi connection.
Caitanya-daya... what are you referring to?
Nanda-tanuja Dasa - November 1, 2005 3:00 pm
All I was trying to say -- I’m praying for you and all well wishers should even if we are not catholic. Great devotees of the past prayed to Lord Narasimha for their protection, so I’m sure there is no harm in praying for well being of others. I do say things bluntly but with good intentions. It’s very easy to get misunderstood when communicating electronically. Environment is friendly, remember?
Caitanya-daya Dd - November 1, 2005 5:51 pm
syamasundara prabhu, what are you confused about