Tattva-viveka
Old Dog, New Tricks
Nama-srestham Dasa - November 20, 2006 5:38 am
No matter how old you are, you have the capacity to change and learn new things. It all depends on your attitude and desire to do so. I am proof positive that you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. Today marks 30 days since I arrived here at Audarya on Thursday October 19th from North Carolina, two day before my 59th birthday. I started a new life with a new birthday. I had the idea for this thread three and half weeks ago, but I arrived during a work marathon to get the temple ready before the rainy season and I am just now posting this introduction and intend to add to it every week or so from the perspective of someone who has been out in the world, seen its defects and took shelter late in life. I hope that you will find some of the thoughts I share with you helpful whether you have been to Audarya or not or plan to visit or seek residency as a monk in training.
I get up at 3:30 AM and go to bed between 8:00 PM and 9:00 PM and sometimes later. It is important to get enough sleep to be rested for the next day. I'm not as young as I used to be. In fact, none of us are as young as we used to be. If you are planning to come here for training and are not used to getting up early, it would be a good idea to get in the habit and practice getting up early as preparation to facilitate your adjustment to your new lifestyle. I work hard at whatever task I am doing. It is all service and all good. I'm listening to Guru Maharaja's "Contemporary Talks" on a MP3 player Citta Hari gave me and Gurunishta loads the player for me. It's good for certain "multi-tasking" to be doing two things at the same time. Guru Maharaja has been reading from "Sri Caitanya-Caritamrta" and giving a short class after Mangala arotik. I listen intently to everything he says. Just to be in his presence and in the association of such dedicated devotees as Citta Hari, Gurunishta and Vrindaranya is working on me and having a positive, growing effect. It is obvious by practical experience the importance of association and why it is stressed so often in Gaudiya Vaishnava literature and why Guru Maharaja emphasizes this point as often as he does. It is essential. I am happy to be serving Guru Maharaja as best I can and help him in any way that I can in his mission and service. I have to say that life as a monk (in training) agrees with me.
Glancing at the clock, it says 9:30 PM. Though there is more to share with you, I must get rest for another day of service at Audarya.
Tadiya Dasi - November 24, 2006 4:53 pm
Thank you for sharing!
It's interesting for me to read about your experience and thoughts. Keep them coming! 
Jason - November 24, 2006 5:49 pm
more please....I very much like hearing your experiences!
Babhru Das - November 24, 2006 6:15 pm
Yes, please--keep it up. This old dog needs encouragement.
Dhiralalita - November 25, 2006 3:31 pm
No matter how old you are, you have the capacity to change and learn new things. It all depends on your attitude and desire to do so.
You are an inspiration to us all prabhuji! Keep it up! May you always serve your guru maharaja with faith and devotion! Nice to hear from you!
Vivek - November 26, 2006 5:54 pm
Haribol Prabhu,
The first time I met you in septmber I saw the unique kind of sincerity, humility and honesty in you. I thought that you really were looking strongly for absolute truth, the search for which culiminates in krsna. Out of four kinds of people who come to Krsna the person who is pursuing krsna in the search of absolute truth generally progresses very fast and i can see that from your example.
Please pray for me so that i also i can imbibe the good qualities from you.
Vivek
Nama-srestham Dasa - November 28, 2006 3:39 am
Thank you for sharing!
It's interesting for me to read about your experience and thoughts. Keep them coming!
Thank you, Tadiya dasi, for your post informing me of your interest in hearing more. I'll keep the sharing going. We're all here in the material world together and all family on our journey back home. If we help and encourage one another, it will sweeten the way amidst whatever trials and tribulations we may face and we shall know that we are not alone.
more please....I very much like hearing your experiences!
Yes, Jason, there will be more. It was nice seeing you and Chris here at Audarya. I enjoyed talking with you and doing service with Chris in the kitchen. I look forward to seeing you both again.
Nama-srestham Dasa - November 28, 2006 3:55 am
Yes, please--keep it up. This old dog needs encouragement.
Babhru das, you have my support and best wishes. We're all in this together. We "old dogs" both have our collars (our neck beads) showing that we are owned by the Vaishnava devotees and our master is our Guru Maharaja. If we had a tail, we would have a good reason to wag it! A Vaishnava dog is not an ordinary dog because our master can take us to our true home in the spiritual world.
Babhru Das - November 28, 2006 4:04 am
Babhru das, you have my support and best wishes.
Thank you! I need all the support and good wishes I can garner.
We're all in this together. We "old dogs" both have our collars (our neck beads) showing that we are owned by the Vaishnava devotees and our master is our Guru Maharaja. If we had a tail, we would have a good reason to wag it! A Vaishnava dog is not an ordinary dog because our master can take us to our true home in the spiritual world.
Ditto!! Too bad I can't find a tail-waggin' emoticon.
Here's my favorite doggy song:
1) Now that I have surrendered all that I possess unto Your lotus feet, I throw myself down before Your house. You are the master of the house; kindly consider me Your own dog.
2) Chaining me nearby, You will maintain me, and I shall lie at Your doorstep. I will not allow Your enemies to enter, but will keep them outside the bounds of the surrounding moat.
3) Whatever food remnants Your devotees leave behind after honoring Your prasäd will be my daily sustenance. I will feast on those remnants in great bliss.
4) While sitting up or lying down, I will constantly meditate on Your lotus feet. Whenever You call, I will immediately run to You and dance in rapture.
5) I will never think for my own nourishment, and will remain absorbed in ever cherishing love for my Master. Bhaktivinoda now accepts You as his only maintainer.
Save me a corner in the dog house.
Nama-srestham Dasa - November 28, 2006 4:19 am
Dhiralalita, you and all the Vaishnava devotees are my inspiration. Hearing from you is encouragement and inspiration for me too. We feed and sustain each other with the spiritual food of our heartfelt best wishes not only for one another, but for suffering mankind and all living beings imprisoned in a material body. Your wish for me saying "May you always serve your guru maharaja with faith and devotion" is the open secret of success in spiritual life. I have written that down and placed it in a conspicuous place as a reminder not to be forgotten. Thank you.
Nama-srestham Dasa - November 28, 2006 4:54 am
Haribol Prabhu,
The first time I met you in septmber I saw the unique kind of sincerity, humility and honesty in you. I thought that you really were looking strongly for absolute truth, the search for which culiminates in krsna. Out of four kinds of people who come to Krsna the person who is pursuing krsna in the search of absolute truth generally progresses very fast and i can see that from your example.
Please pray for me so that i also i can imbibe the good qualities from you.
Vivek
Haribol to you too Vivek Pabhu,
You are much too kind. We don't always see in ourselves what others see in us or see things that others do not see. And so it goes for me too. We are mirrors for one another to learn things about ourselves. I am honored and humbled that you would consider me an example when I have the deepest respect and regard for you and your quest for the truth. Truth matters and it always has mattered to me for as long as I can remember, and I have learned that Absolute Truth in the person of Radha-Krishna matters the most. I pray for you, my dear prabhu, that you find and recognize all the good qualities that already exist in you. You don't have to imbibe any qualities from me. Everything you need is already there in your own heart waiting to be realized.
Nama-srestham Dasa - November 28, 2006 11:05 pm
Thank you! I need all the support and good wishes I can garner.
Ditto!! Too bad I can't find a tail-waggin' emoticon.
Here's my favorite doggy song:
1) Now that I have surrendered all that I possess unto Your lotus feet, I throw myself down before Your house. You are the master of the house; kindly consider me Your own dog.
2) Chaining me nearby, You will maintain me, and I shall lie at Your doorstep. I will not allow Your enemies to enter, but will keep them outside the bounds of the surrounding moat.
3) Whatever food remnants Your devotees leave behind after honoring Your prasäd will be my daily sustenance. I will feast on those remnants in great bliss.
4) While sitting up or lying down, I will constantly meditate on Your lotus feet. Whenever You call, I will immediately run to You and dance in rapture.
5) I will never think for my own nourishment, and will remain absorbed in ever cherishing love for my Master. Bhaktivinoda now accepts You as his only maintainer.
Save me a corner in the dog house.
Thank you, Babhru das, for sharing your favorite "doggy song" with me. It is now my favorite as well, because it embodies the full philosophy of the Vaishnava dog conception.
Nama-srestham Dasa - November 29, 2006 2:53 am
Age is nothing but a number that refers to the material body and not to us who are eternal and ever young. But as we get "older", we become increasingly more aware of our mortality, or rather the mortality of the material body. I can hardly believe that I am going to be 60 years old next year! I don't feel it and I have been told that I don't look it. But with the passing years, it does become more apparent that we all have one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel so to speak no matter how old we may be. Our position here is very tenuous at best. We don't know how long we have to solve the riddles of life. The world of maya tries to deceive us by enouraging us to think that we do not have the capacity to know and understand why we find life to be as it is and how to make a solution to it all and fulfill our purpose for being here. The Gita says that sincerety is invincible in our search for truth and understanding, culminating in our surrender to Krishna through the transparent medium of the sadhu, the pure devotee, our Guru Maharaja.
I can remember being five years old and wondering "What is going on here?" I knew that I did not understand, and I thought that something was wrong with me because of that. I was too shy, afraid and ashamed to say anything about it. And to make matters worse, I did not think "adults" knew either. But the desire to know and understand the truth was there at an early age. Not knowing made me tolerant and forebearing. I did not get what I thought I needed at home, though my parents did the best that they could. Our parents can only give us what they have been given by their parents. It is a vicious cycle and pattern that can only be broken by Grace and Mercy from that higher plane that we aspire to. I was born into a Jewish family. I am a second generation American. My mother's parents were from Lithuania. My father's father was from Romania and his mother from Palestine. I was forced to go to Hebrew school twice a week for a while, but did not learn Hebrew to the dismay of my father who was a Hebrew teacher. I went to religious services Friday night and Saturday morning and to Sunday school as a child, but I could not understand the reason for it all because I was not getting the understanding I wanted from it. Growing up Jewish in a predominantly Christian society and being the only Jew in my classes at school and experiencing prejudice towards me because I was born a Jew added to my alreadly feeling as an "outsider" in this world. I felt that I was from someplace else. We are all from someplace else! Needless to say I did not get the understanding I felt I needed from public education. I would often ask myself "How do I know what they are telling me is true?" Your grade and future is determined by giving them back what they give you. I felt the same way in college. But through it all, I had the simple, childlike faith that one day God would show me the way. And He did.
Sradha, faith, is so important to making progress, no matter how long it may take. The Vaishnava literature, sadhus and Guru Maharaja all emphasize the necessity for faith and surrender, saranagati. The road to Krishna Consciousness has been long and hard for me, with many twists and turns, but the goal has always been the same: to know what is the truth, not relative truth, but the Absolute Truth. I first came in contact with Krishna Consciousness in 1980, so I am not exactly a newcomer to its philosophy. My profile highlights some of what happened. I'll go into more detail and share more with you as time goes on.
I have been feeling a bit under the weather. I was up late last night. It was raining hard and cold. You can hear the rain beating against the yurt and it can be very loud sometimes. I got sick. I missed Mangala arotik. Gurunishta called around breakfast time to see how I was and offered to bring oatmeal down to me, but I wasn't hungry. I got some rest and did have lunch, did some cow service and came back to the yurt to write a little more to you. Now I am going to get rest to get better in preparation for tomorrow and another day of service at Audarya.
Babhru Das - November 29, 2006 4:36 am
Thank you, Babhru das, for sharing your favorite "doggy song" with me. It is now my favorite as well, because it embodies the full philosophy of the Vaishnava dog conception.
Yes, this is one of the songs from Bhaktivinoda Thakura's "Saranagati" on goptritve varanam, accepting Krishna as our sole maintaner and protector. That, among the six angas of saranagati, is the svarupa laksanam, essential characteristic of taking shelter of the Lord.
Babhru Das - November 29, 2006 5:04 am
Growing up Jewish in a predominantly Christian society and being the only Jew in my classes at school and experiencing prejudice towards me because I was born a Jew added to my alreadly feeling as an "outsider" in this world. I felt that I was from someplace else. We are all from someplace else! Needless to say I did not get the understanding I felt I needed from public education. I would often ask myself "How do I know what they are telling me is true?" Your grade and future is determined by giving them back what they give you. I felt the same way in college. But through it all, I had the simple, childlike faith that one day God would show me the way. And He did.
Sradha, faith, is so important to making progress, no matter how long it may take. The Vaishnava literature, sadhus and Guru Maharaja all emphasize the necessity for faith and surrender, saranagati.
This resonated deeply with my own experience, although my family's background is quite different from yours. I grew up in a white Protestant family. We've been exploiting North America for well over 300 years, so although my folks weren't wealthy, I did enjoy the natural privilege of being from pioneer "stock." Nevertheless, I wondered about things that puzzled my folks, even our family pastors, and I often felt like an outsider wherever I was. I remember asking our pastor, on one of his visits for dinner at our home, what God was like--what sort of person He is. He laughed, amused and bemused, I guess, and said that was something we could talk about later, when I was a little more grown up (I was six or seven at the time). We never did, of course. (Lest anyone suffer from the misapprehension that I was some sort of spiritual prodigy, I have a story of another of Rev. Magee's visits, a little earlier, when I was five or six. As we sat at the table for our meal and bowed our heads, my father asked me to say grace. Now, we always said a prayer before dinner, but we always just called it "the prayer." I had never heard it called "grace" before that night. I sat for a moment, struggling with just what was expected of me, and finally, tentatively but solemnly, said, "Grace!" My folks blushed, and the minister almost fell out of his chair, he was laughing so hard.)
Mr. Magee's lack of response came to mind when I was first in college. It was 1965, and things were starting to percolate a little on some big-college campuses (I was at Transylvania University, a small liberal-arts college in Kentucky with connections to the Disciples of Christ church), and our PoliSci professor, Dr. Cutshaw, went into a riff about how change should be brought about only by legal and orderly means. Every time he did so, I asked him how he would justify the Revolutionary Way, which was not orderly, and the Constitution, which was drawn up as an end run around the then national constitution, the Articles of Confederation. The third time he dodged the question, saying we would discuss it later, I stopped attending his class.
I had had similar trouble a couple of years earlier, when I was a junior in high school. By that time I had figured out that our education was meant mostly for fitting us into some niche in a society I had begun to doubt. Nothing made any sense to me, including so-called spiritual paths, until my friend and vartmapradarshaka-guru Turiya das showed me Srila Prabhupada's Bhagavad-gita As It Is one day at the end of 1969, after I had already been chanting occasionally. My life changed that afternoon in Queen's Surf Park. I was a different person when I went home. I was close to resigning myself to a life with surfing at the center when I found something more exciting than a hollow, overhead left.
I think the experience of being an outsider everywhere may be common among devotees, and the experiences we have with sacred sound--the chanting and the scriptures--revive a faith that had been growing previously. Now our task is to further cultivate that faith until it moves us to the complete surrender expressed in my favorite doggy song (see previous posts),
Tadiya Dasi - December 2, 2006 1:40 pm
Nama-srestham ji,
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, we are all on this together, a spiritual family, and that is our strenght. I would have propably left this path when the going gets rough, if it wasn't for all of the devotees, and most especially Gurudeva's mercy and affection. To be controlled by love, to be bound by attachment - although sometimes scary to our material sense of self, is ultimately what carries us in our spiritual life.
I think all of us here can relate to "feeling like an outsider". I guess that all of us here have been plagued by a longing in our souls to find some meaning to life, to make sense of it all, to know God and our relationship to Him. It's really a blessing, though, it may not always feel like it; especially when you are a kid and you are in an envinronment that isn't really spiritual and the people around you, whom you love and look up to, can't really give you any satisfying answers.
I have always been very "religious", even when I was a child, while the rest of my family isn't really that spiritual. I come from a Lutheran family, where matters of faith were rarely discussed. My mother taught us kids to say a short prayer before bed, and we went to Church on Christmas, and that was about it. My dad is an atheist, all of my brothers are atheists, and my mom is a Christian, but not very "active" in practising her faith. My parents didn't really know how to react to my faith or "religiosity" when I was a kid, and I remember vividly telling my mother that I wanted to be a priet when I grew up (I was, I think, in the first grade when I told her this and I hardly knew what a priest was then 
, but in my mind, I associated it with God, and I knew that I wanted to grow up to do something that "had to do with God"). My mom just stared me and said nothing. She still tells this story with great amusement. 
I think that my faith as a child was an ackward, and sometimes confusing, thing for my parents to deal with. And it probably still is! 
I can imagine them talking and wondering that how on earth they ended up with a daughter like me! I guess it is hard for people with no faith or little faith to relate to those who have faith....
Okay, I think I have rambled enough 
I hope you feel better soon!
Karnamrita Das - December 3, 2006 1:46 am
Thanks Nam for your participation in this forum. It is great to her your realizations! You know we are with you in spirit at Audarya! I miss your company in the morning program here. Arcana sends you her love and Hari bols!
I always love hearing devotees background and how they became a devotee. It is amazing how Krsna works in every devotee's live to cut off all other options. Especially at the time I became a devotee in 1970, when becoming a devotee meant giving everything up and moving into the Temple. Many devotees were totally frustated and disillusioned with material life. Many were thinking it so bad that perhaps suicide was an option, so Krsna really dramatically saved many of us......it was pratically Krsna or death!! It was for me....actually that is still the case for all of us. In martya loka everyone appears to die, and is kicked out of their situation.
My parents, especially my Mom, never related to my being a devotee. Of course I was really fanatical in my "preaching" to my parents---not recommended. At one point my Mother said that she liked it better when I was a hippy, then a devotee. In other words, it was more socially acceptable---at least to her---to be a drugged out hippy, then a zanny, loonie, fanatical devotee.
Nama-srestham Dasa - December 3, 2006 5:30 am
Nama-srestham ji,
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, we are all on this together, a spiritual family, and that is our strenght. I would have propably left this path when the going gets rough, if it wasn't for all of the devotees, and most especially Gurudeva's mercy and affection. To be controlled by love, to be bound by attachment - although sometimes scary to our material sense of self, is ultimately what carries us in our spiritual life.
I think all of us here can relate to "feeling like an outsider". I guess that all of us here have been plagued by a longing in our souls to find some meaning to life, to make sense of it all, to know God and our relationship to Him. It's really a blessing, though, it may not always feel like it; especially when you are a kid and you are in an envinronment that isn't really spiritual and the people around you, whom you love and look up to, can't really give you any satisfying answers.
I have always been very "religious", even when I was a child, while the rest of my family isn't really that spiritual. I come from a Lutheran family, where matters of faith were rarely discussed. My mother taught us kids to say a short prayer before bed, and we went to Church on Christmas, and that was about it. My dad is an atheist, all of my brothers are atheists, and my mom is a Christian, but not very "active" in practising her faith. My parents didn't really know how to react to my faith or "religiosity" when I was a kid, and I remember vividly telling my mother that I wanted to be a priet when I grew up (I was, I think, in the first grade when I told her this and I hardly knew what a priest was then
I think that my faith as a child was an ackward, and sometimes confusing, thing for my parents to deal with. And it probably still is!
Okay, I think I have rambled enough
I hope you feel better soon!
Yes, I am feeling better, Tadiya, thank you.
In his November 28th post, Babhru das commented that he thought that feeling like an "outsider" in this world may be a common experience among devotees. I think he's right about that. And you have confirmed it. Anyone with spiritual aspirations and longings is not going to feel comfortable here. That "discomfort" impells us to ask the important questions and seek understanding. I agree that it is a blessing, even though it may not always feel that way. Asking questions that make adults feel awkward or uneasy is another common experience for children who are trying to make sense out of the world. As we are meant to learn from our parents, they too are meant to learn from us. I appreciate your sharing your thoughts and feelings. I look forward to meeting you when you come to Audarya this spring.
Nama-srestham Dasa - December 3, 2006 6:08 am
Thanks Nam for your participation in this forum. It is great to hear your realizations! You know we are with you in spirit at Audarya! I miss your company in the morning program here. Arcana sends you her love and Hari bols!
I always love hearing devotees background and how they became a devotee. It is amazing how Krsna works in every devotee's life to cut off all other options. Especially at the time I became a devotee in 1970, when becoming a devotee meant giving everything up and moving into the Temple. Many devotees were totally frustated and disillusioned with material life. Many were thinking it so bad that perhaps suicide was an option, so Krsna really dramatically saved many of us......it was pratically Krsna or death!! It was for me....actually that is still the case for all of us. In martya loka everyone appears to die, and is kicked out of their situation.
My parents, especially my Mom, never related to my being a devotee. Of course I was really fanatical in my "preaching" to my parents---not recommended. At one point my Mother said that she liked it better when I was a hippy than a devotee. In other words, it was more socially acceptable---at least to her---to be a drugged out hippy, than a zanny, loonie, fanatical devotee.
Karnam, love and Hari bols to you and Arcana too. I knew you both were here with me in spirit! I could feel it. My getting up at ten til three in the morning to go with you to the morning program was helpful preparation for my getting up at 3:30 AM here. Yes, it is amazing how Krishna works in the devotee's life to cut off all other options. You and Arcana know my story! I'll be sharing a lot of it here in future posts. Say "hello" to everyone for me and give everyone my best wishes.